Things Normal People Wouldn’t Tell You - Getting Rescued at Camp

In the scheme of things this particular yarn isn’t embarrassing NOW… but when you’re away at band camp and always feel a little bit outta place anyways… it doesn’t take much to push you over that edge

I was spending a lovely quiet evening in my room for some reason. I’m thinking there was a dance or something. Being the always socially awkward gal in junior high and high school - dances were like punishment for me so I steered clear!

I actually had no idea that there was a problem so there is no telling how long I was locked in my room before realizing it. My roommate came back to the room and tried to use her key - didn’t work. She knocked so I popped over to open the door - nope.

Jennifer went to get someone to try and help us out. We’re still figuring it’s no big deal. But “no big deal” turns shortly into an ordeal. No keys work - the lock is “frozen.” It will not even come apart so they can open the door. I am STUCK in my room.

Y’all have been to camp right. It doesn’t take long before word spreads and there is a little crowd down beneath our window. Why?

Because word has spread that “some girl” is locked in her room. Now evidently it is too late at night for a locksmith to come get me out of the room. So the plan becomes get enough stuff for the night for roomie and myself and climb across to the next room.

Yes - I said “CLIMB ACROSS” to the next room…

Yeah - that’s not embarrassing at ALL.




So college student/resident maintenance man at Pomfret comes across with Jennifer into the room. SPIKE (not kidding - actual) - helps us get our stuff together and get out of our window - across to the other window and back inside.

Now folks - did I mention there was a crowd down below? Well there was. The crowd including I think most of our band, the directors… and others that I did not know.
All of whom were shouting up helpful information about not falling - taking care, etc. I do remember Mr. Jones, trying to be helpful yelling something up about taking care of his flute player.

= mortification

Oh… my…

Since that year also included another (yet to be published) incident I got an award that year for “clumsiest girl.” Yep - nothing says love like that right?!

-Lucky Lucy

Things Normal People Would Never Tell You

So today I decided to start blogging some of my “only Gina” stories. Cause I always think that people know these things then realize that you don’t! :O)

We all know I tattle on myself anyways.

My family calls this particular epic the “Water Bottle Incident”

I was traveling from Colorado Springs back to Fayetteville by myself in February a few years back. The month is only important in that it was cold and I had a heavy winter coat on in addition to a purse and a carry-on bag.
The other important thing to note in this story is that I had bought a large liter water bottle in the airport that I was carrying around with me.

Now we also all know that when you are traveling by yourself you have to keep everything with you at all times. You can’t go leaving your bag somewhere when you need to go grab a magazine or something.

You also cannot leave your bags or say your gigantic water bottle somewhere when you have to go to the restroom.

So when nature called and I answered I had to be a little creative.

I get in the little airport stall with the purse, backpack, heavy coat, and water bottle and proceed to start to find space for everything so I can… ya know… do what needs to be done.

Coat off - backpack on the hook - but what to do with the water bottle? There is no shelf for the water bottle. There is however the handy toilet paper dispenser. Sure it’s round but certainly it’ll balance for a bit right?

Wrong - very, very wrong.

More important things that everyone needs to know.

1. When setting something round on top of something round, chances are that it will not stay put for very long even if it looks well balanced.

2. Bottles of liquid very rarely fall straight down.

3. Bottles of liquid, especially plastic ones, tend to explode when hitting tile.

4. Law of Gina says that when said bottle of liquid hits the floor and explodes it won’t do it in a convenient place… like in its own stall.

5. Law of Gina also says that the person next to you in the stall will in fact have pants down… but this will at least save maintenance from mopping the floor later.


Dear Woman Next to me in the St. Louis Airport Bathroom,
While I do not know you I have felt badly for you for years. No words can express my look and gasp of horror on watching an entire liter of water soak you as you innocently sat doing your… shall we say… business that afternoon in February. Sure I should have said something more than “oooh…oooh… sorry.” Certainly, I might have come out of the bathroom earlier than an hour later, but let’s face it, embarrassed doesn’t really cover a moment like that. I did look for you - the lady with the completely wet pants. Cause yeah - you just pulled up and left - how did you manage that anyways? I didn’t even hear the blower going to dry you off?
Sorry - I got distracted. While I cannot make up for your discomfort, you did give my good friend Crystal the perfect idea for a new line at Hallmark the “Sorry - I wet your pants” line. I think it will take off like gangbusters in airports. Seriously this has to have happened to someone else? Well - me and the lady who dropped her gun in the bathroom and shot the woman next to her.
Come to think of it - waters not all that bad huh?
Again - sorry

Sincerely
Betsy Wetsy

A Whole Lot of Nothing

I have nothing to say
Seriously
I have tried for days to come here and be witty, funny, thoughtful, profound, wordy, or anything.
I am at a loss.

Oooh - but you know what I have had an abundance of this last week or so if we just want to be good and honest about it - is the slightest hint of a pity party.

And in bloggyness - or lack of bloggyness (come on spellchecker - that is too a word!) - that comes off as what I am now going to coin blog-pity or possibly blog-envy.

Wanna guess how that showed up? The reason that I have nothing to blog about is because I have (enter melodramatic sigh here) NOTHING… nothing to blog about. Did you hear me?! I’ve been praying God. What is YOUR DEAL?! HA!

Told ya I was having a blog-pity/blog-envy party. I decided when I was driving to work the other morning that the reason I was having such a difficulty coming up with something brilliant to say was because I had no family here in casa de Gina to write about. I have no cute pictures of little toddling ones around my house to post. There is no other person doing something crazy or funny in the next room every day.

Just little ol’ me here and let’s face it - I’m kinda boring! :O)

Oh - so the pinnacle of my newfound blog-pity hit me the other night on the way past my pitiful pile of dishes in the kitchen. (Can’t you keep up with these - it is just YOU living here) I had one of those just lonely single moments. (Would you get a look at yourself in these unmatched pjs)

What’s ironic about this is this perception that I think some people have of the single life. Now other singles may live this super suave-together “drinking coffee in Central Perk” life - this single lives a “so busy I can’t even keep up with where I am much less actually do my dishes” life. Funny no?

Oh - so back to my blog-pity point.

Isn’t it funny how Satan can creep in with disharmony in the family of believers in the lie of “the grass is greener over there trap?” FYI - no idea why I’m using so many quotation marks!

Single people often look to the married side of the fence with envy. Married people (or so I’m told) fondly remember single days or wish this or that was different with the children or spouse. Why couldn’t I just have this God? Isn’t that just the way things work? So many of you desperately want children… and some of you would love to hand your little darling off for a bit.

Yeah - I do have a point! Life is what it is. God has you where He has you. Let’s face it. He has you where He has you for a reason and/or a season. Nothing lasts forever! If you have a kiddo that is making you nuts you have ahead of you the day when you will leave them in a dorm room or walk them down the aisle. Be thankful that you have them where you have them. If you have a silent house now because the kiddos are gone you can look back on memories of laughing kiddos and look forward to visits with them as adults with their kiddos (and sending them home all hyped up on red dye and sugar!).

If you have a silent house now because you’re single remember that God has given you a season where He wants you all to Himself and rejoice because new days are ahead!

Nothing ever lasts forever even if sometimes it feels like it might. Life is all about seasons.

So blog-pity is done now that I have unloaded it. We’ll just see what we can find in this little corner of the web to say about my actual crazy life that doesn’t contain anyone toddling on my floor or snoring in the next room. It does contain plenty of things to be thankful for… plenty of people that I can blog-tattle on (watch-out Al! just kidding)… and plenty of randomness in my brain.

I’ll try to hit this place more than once every other week.

That’s all for now

-Suzy Sunshine. :O)

In Which She Shuts Up a Bit

I’m not a fan of silence.
Have I mentioned that before?
Yes - I am an extrovert. That means in general I like things to be bubbling - preferably bubbling around me. :O) But I don’t just mean silence in that sense. I am not a fan of silence in life either.

This shows up in two ways that are worth noting.

First - I am all about answers. If we’re in Bible Study together you can count on me to be the person who can only stand the awkward pause so long before needing to chime something in to the mix. Silences are excruciating. There is too much that can be said and should be said. However the older I am getting I am also learning that there are lots of things that should not be said. There are lots of pauses that need to be extended. God and I are working on me listening more in those moments and thinking about what I might need to say less.

Second - I’m all about background noise. This is actually where I was tonight that brought my little blogging brain into the mix. I had things to get done tonight. Ok… not really much outside of a bit of tidying up and some cooking. Oh - and maybe some facebooking (c’mon spellchecker - that is so a word!). While I went about my business I hit my favorite source of background noise- HULU! I very rarely just watch anything so I was doing that and 9 other things.

Noise - lots and lots of noise

Then I hit my blog rounds and found something that stunned me into silence on Kelly’s blog.

Unredeemed

Suddenly God had my attention again and I hit silence… actually I hit worship for about 30 minutes in that moment and then have continued in silence. Something about a holy moment that you just don’t want to break you know?

Since you already have a few posts down my conversation about some things in my life that God is working on redeeming. And there is more - there is so much more. I drove home today listening to a song from a new cd that was all about God’s redemption.
Love Story

God’s redemption - stunned into a silent moment.

Why? It is because God doesn’t only speak in screaming moments. He does sometimes. Sometimes He is in the storm speaking. Sometimes He uses calamity. But wouldn’t you much rather hear the whisper? Man I would. It brought to my heart these verses that I have always loved.

1 Kings 19:11-13
The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
_________________________

God wasn’t in the mighty wind or the earthquake. He was in the gentle whisper. Tonight I so wanted to hear that whisper that I shut everything off. It is still off.

Silence - scary - still - quiet - silence

Why scary? Scary because God has so much work left to do here on me in these quiet moments. Scary because I am remembering a prayer this time last year that required brokenness and finally realizing these thousand shattered pieces and my tears of the last few months are the answer to that specific prayer.

God has done so much with my little that I am stunned into silence.

Actually this night deserves a bit more quiet and a bit less bloggy-ness - night y’all.

God is so good!
Silence. :O)

In Which She Writes - Because She Cannot Sleep

I have a goal - rest. I am sure I will get around to it sometime. :) Maybe after graduation....
No I fully intended to hit the sack early tonight but I got caught up talking with some friends. So I got home late, wasn't tired, had to catch up on Facebook, or whatever the excuse is.

So now I have decided to come over and blog a bit. When last we spoke, well next to last, I was headed out of town to pray over some of my future details.
I know everyone is dying to know what I discovered so here you go.

Nothing

Profound isn't it? Really I learned a lot, just not about what I thought I was headed to learn (See previous posting). What I did hear clearly on future wise was that I am where I am right now for a reason. I keep asking a lot of "but what about next year?" questions but we're not getting that far.

Back when I used to write my daily devotionals I had a favorite word picture that I used to use.
It comes from Psalm 119:105
Psalm 119:105 (King James Version)
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Being the detailed person that I am something jumps right out from this to me. The promise is for a lamp at my FEET. God's not promising the whole Coleman camping lighting package. Typically God's guidance doesn't come in the form of a 19 step manual of how to get from point A to point Z. You get the beam - directly on the path in FRONT of you getting you from point A to B.. then C... Then D... sometimes you get D to G. :O)

You're seeing my point right?

My little reminder was that I may not have everything mapped out, a prospect that Gina the controlling, list making freak is not a fan of fyi, but I do have C to D. When D is close to being done (get it... D = Done...) then the beam will head to E. Until then I am going to be content with the Word lighting my feet one shuffle step at a time. One thing is for certain, if I continue to focus on the Word lighting my path and stop trying to see where point "M" fits into the picture then I am a whole lot less likely to stumble.

Here endeth tonight's lesson.

Night all. :O)
-G

In Which Memory Lane Gets Rocky

Couldn’t wait to share! :O)

As I sit here starting to write this it is 1 am on Saturday morning and I am winding down a pretty incredible weekend. I think when I look back on this weekend one of the words I will use is amusing. Because I came up with a good idea of what I wanted God to speak to… and He had a completely different plan.

Just hours after I started this journey I started out in the car in a pretty down state. Things did not get off to the best of starts (won’t bore you with details but it involved a twisted ankle and a bill I thought was paid that wasn’t). I was determined not to waste a minute though so I started praying and singing as soon as I hit the highway. This would be the moment when I realized God’s plans and mine were about to not “mesh.”

Have you ever had a spot in your heart or memory that is like a nerve? It’s like you can prick it from time and feel that pinch of pain. Every once in a while you do it just to see if it’s still there. But as long as it doesn’t really bother you - you don’t bother it either. On the drive up I had one of those spots lingering in the back of my memory. This is a place down memory lane that I felt was well traveled y’all. Seriously it is a place that I felt like God and I had visited enough that we’ve marked our stone. We came. We saw. He conquered. I had the scars you know… He had the glory. But on the drive up here every time I would touch that memory again the tears would flow.

You know I’d love to tell you I threw the door open right there but I gotta say I was still hoping that we weren’t gonna go there. Oh - how - wrong - I - WAS….

We started off this morning (Friday) dealing through some of my agenda. Check… check… no concrete plans but that gentle guidance that I’ve come to expect. Peace - stillness… wait - there is that whole “not-meshiness” again. Why are we revisiting that God? We’ve been there remember? We did that? Don’t you remember?

I’ll fast forward a bit to let you in on a little secret that I’ve learned… sometimes when you drop things cause you think you and God are done with them… you and God are SO not done with them.

About 15 years ago or so I walked up on a conversation taking place in a Sunday school room. I heard my name being mentioned as I was walking up so I paced up a bit slower and the words that I was about to hear set me up for some major devastation. Since I’m 33… and God and I are just now revisiting and dealing that’ll fill you in on some of the finer points of the conversation. Let’s just say without too many details that people can be seriously cruel to other people. The gist of what I came away with as a mid-teenager was that I was unlovable, that probably no one would ever really love me. Now check that - I filed that away.

Pressing the pause button here - as I blog this there are a couple of things going through my heart:
ONE - I know that some of you are gonna immediately need to hit reply on this. People, I know I am loved but loved was different from being worthy of love in my mind. As I sit here tonight, er, this morning, I actually know that this little gem is a total lie. But I’ve been living with this track in my brain fighting it for YEARS and now that it is identified and shut down I wanted to shout a bit about it.

Hi, my name is Gina, and I am loveable. :O)

TWO - The church I grew up in is a part of me, but mostly not in a good way. There are some great memories of things that God taught me from my time there. But there are frankly a whole lot of more painful ones that God and I got to work past. But that past holds no regret for me. God is good and His plans are so much better than the ones I would have chosen.

I thought a lot about whether to share this or not. If you’ve read this far, and honestly I know lots of you won’t, :O) then the take away message is that a lot of us fall for early lies that color things for us later on. God’s desire is to set us free from that. May not be easy to find yours… but maybe, just maybe if you’re driving along one day you’ll discover it if you’re asking. My advice for that moment is to RUN to His healing and let it go.

I’m all about sharing lessons learned. Once upon a time, probably because of the environment that I grew up in church-wise, I always hid. Hiding is so much easier. No one can criticize you or make fun of you if you don’t ever poke your head up above the crowd. But God has not called us to easy life. God has called us to abundant life. You can’t live that life when you are hiding.
God has not given us a spirit of hiding and fear. He gave us a spirit of self-confidence and love.
Live it y’all. Worth it!

OLWA !

Whew - everyone needs a little break. Me I probably need a big break but since I don't have time for one I'm gonna settle for a mini.
Just over a month will begin my final year of seminary - YIKES. I'm doing the marathon year to finish and am planning on going straight through the summer. I start back to class on the 24th of August.
Blessing Baskets planning officially kicked off for me this week... I like to get a nice early run at it. Have to start plotting new areas - doing maps - fixing things from last year - finding new hiding spots. :O)
Things are about to get nice and crazy again.

So before things crank back up I decided to ask for a couple of days away to refocus. Thankfully I had some time coming in the form of a gift trip. Woo!

I'm very excited about being away from my normal routine. Something about being out of my usual surroundings helps me. This time around I have some very specific things that God and I are going to walk through. I am excited about the chance to have some quality time listening. I definitely want His directions before I jump off into the fall crazies!

What this does mean is that after midnight tonight (Wed.) I am going to be offline for a while... no e-mail or facebook. I won't be checking blogs. Nada - zippo - zilch. Yep. I'm actually feeling the withdrawals in advance.

I needed to unplug to give myself some time to really listen without updating my status or worrying about farming my crops (lol!)

Just wanted to pop in here before my little hiatus so nobody would think I was abducted by aliens or anything.

See you in a few
-GB

Oooh - and I would definitely love your prayers for guidance these next few days. I know God has a lot to transfer to this hard head. -G

In Which She Finally Participates

So I've Been a follower of Kelly's Corner for a while. Friday's she often does a tour of different areas in people's homes. Being that I live in a Lindsey Apartment dwelling I have not been able to participate other than to "oooh and aaah" at other folks stuff. However today's tour is of wedding dresses. HEY WAIT! Nope... But Kelly kindly asked for us single gals to post our dream dresses so I figured this was my chance to jump in.
Since I am a your typical stereotypical gal I've only thought about the wedding dress thing 900 times or so since I was 7. :) Therefore it was not a difficult decision for me to narrow down some fun pictures.

I was talking to my friend Tiffany (fellow Kelly follower FYI) and it really amazes me how tastes change over the years but the staples seem to stay the same.

Since I was a little girl I've wanted the beaded dress. I've wanted the traditional veil. I like traditions. I like big poofiness (is poofiness a word - not according to spell checker).

Well without further ado I bring my first contribution to Kelly's "Show Us Your Life"

This one just seemed to hit all of my highlights. :) It has the beading... loving the neckline. I just think it is beautiful. Ok - off to real life now!

In Which Gina and Denial Come Face to Face

Funny how when you hear something you don’t want to hear you think blocking it out will make it better.. la la la … not listening. Did you ever try to do that when you were a kid? Did your parents try to tell you something and you put your fingers in your ears and sang really loudly and obnoxiously? It always had to be something like “I’m Henry the 8th I am” or “John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt.” Somehow that kid version of denial never quite did the trick. Eventually you’d have to listen. Eventually you would have to clean your room or do your homework. Eventually even the things you try to avoid seem to come around no matter how many verses you sing.

So when I heard that my boss, Scott, was quitting I did my best to sing 900 verses of “John Jacob” but I guess that can only last up until his actual last day at work - which is tomorrow just in case anyone is counting.
Still it did not dawn on me until sometime tonight that the inevitable was upon me. Specifically it dawned on me in the middle of trying to buy a goodbye card at approximately 6:05 this evening (sorry Family Christian clerk- it wasn’t you I promise).
So in honor of my friend and boss I bring you the official End of Denial blog.
CUE sobbing and melodramatic music here

In all seriousness though…
What a joy to have the Crawfords in my life for the time that God has given them to us here. We’ve laughed and cried… well mostly me cried cause I’m just like that…
God has taught me so much through their example. I’ve been encouraged, challenged, blessed, and taught. From Brundi I’ve learned a lot about being transparent and living life with joy and love. From Scott I’ve learned a lot about faith and what it means to really trust God in the details. So much more really - but seriously can’t put it all out there people I mean really - stop being SO nosy.

In the end the lesson is a blessing of friendships that go on and on. As believers we know that no goodbye is ever permanent. Life is all about seasons.
I have been blessed to have a season with this amazing family in my life.
Love you guys!!!

In Which She Explains Terms - OLWA

So lately I've realized I spend way to much time online.
Hi... my name is Gina and I'm addicted to Blogs and Facebook. :)

Now I'm able to work my way away from them when other things are involved. I come out to work. I come away for family and friends. But when I am home I have realized that lately the pc is always on. Part of this I blame on my lack of cable. Hulu and I are great friends. Something is typically needing my attention there. But it's summer. Nothing is pressing and still it calls to me.

I do actually accomplish other things at home. Tonight has involved a load of laundry, some cleaning, and some dishes for instance. However the pc is always on as well. It's background noise. Noise being the key word here.

So this summer I am instituting the return of what I like to call OLWA (I'm a geek... I like acronyms!) In Gina-ese it stands for Off Line With Abba. It's my "I gotta get offa here and get some perspective cry. Lately I've pulled the plug for several different reasons. One night it was so many friends that seemed to be hurting and needed prayer. One night it was ME that so needed prayer! I have one prolonged season that is coming up - but I'll save news of that one for a little later on.

How about y'all? How much time do you spend? And maybe it's not time right in front... of the little glowing screen but time spent meandering back and forth to the pc/blackberry/iphone to check up on things.

Need some OLWA time? Take it!

In Which She Talks To Herself

In one of my ridiculously late moments recently I was thinking of things that I wish I had known earlier in life. I’m still young (what I tell myself all the time) but even at this stage you start thinking man I wish I knew at 18 what I know now.

So my mind, which is always a little twisted, started turning things around and wondering what 50 year old Gina is going to be wishing 33 year old Gina knew. So… for those of my Facebook-Notes readers and my maybe Blog readers who are older I am throwing this open. What do you wish you could tell yourself? This isn’t what would you go back and redo. You can’t go back and redo things. I would never redo the past anyways. There are too many things learned from the dumb things I did. But here is what I mean.

My examples for you “young-ins”
What I do wish is that I had known things like:
Tell the people you care about - how you feel about them you have nothing to lose (I took a while to learn this with my friends when I was younger - regretted it when I lost some of them right out of high school - one the summer right after his graduation)

Never-ever-ever-ever let an argument with someone you care about go on where you leave them angry. Because if something happens and the last word you have is an angry one - not… good!

Don’t be so worried about making a fool out of yourself. It is going to happen. It always manages to happen. I don’t know why that is. But worrying about it won’t change it.

Learn to laugh at yourself. That makes the “fool out of yourself part easier” :O)

Ok - I may add more later but I gotta get work started here!

Randomness - To claim my Spot

8sf9emjq2u

In Which She Tells Embarrassing Stories from Vacation

Well a week off never seems to be enough time to do what you would like to do. Thankfully we headed to ND with little agenda in mind. That really helped when we were so wiped we could barely get off the couch! :O)

Big A and I had a good time traveling with the parents. 17-18 hours together is a long time for anyone but in a car all bets are off. Thankfully we travelled well both coming and going - and I only got really grumpy once… maybe twice? ... Ok maybe three times.

There was fog - lots and lots of fog. There was construction - mile after mile of it.

Mainly we laughed a whole lot (when we weren’t sleeping). One giggling incident at 3 am after getting a little turned around in nowhere, SD stands out. Hey, I get giddy at 3 am.

As for the actual vacation in ND with the family there aren’t enough words. LBB (Little Big Brother) suggested that I do a t-shirt of our favorite vacation sayings. The only problem is that only 6 of us would “get” them.

One thing that marks my family is laughter. Thankfully we can usually only argue until one of us says something funny and then it’s all over. So here are some of my favorite vacation moments. We’ll get to the spiritual highlights later. These are the other memorable ones.


Allie Rose (on seeing a little boy fall off his bike under the bleachers) “Hey buddy… are you ok? HEY… BUDDY… are you ok? I found out later she knew the little boy when he came up to us and said “my name is Mason… remember… Mason.”

Allie Rose as a bride - she has the whole getup. She needed an announcer and we decided that only daddy could announce her wedding. Upon Jeff’s pronouncement of “Let’s get ready to MARRYYYYYYY,” she announced to us all that it was time to leave on her honeymoon - to Texas

Jeremiah decided on the last day that he wasn’t ready for us to leave prompting him to walk into rooms where I was and say things like “I’m going to miss you for my WHOLE life.”

Jonathan is a hoot. You know how parents always wish you will have a child just like yourself? Well my brother has spawned a clone of himself. It is really a challenge to not crack up while listening to him.

T-ball is priceless entertainment. The pictures do not do justice to the duos of kids on each base playing in the dirt, talking and holding hands (these are the opposing teams). Allie skips to each base or runs on tip-toe.

We also got to see Jonathan and Jeremiah get hits and score runs in the pee-wee games. The younger kids were fun to watch (no sitting on the base and playing in the dirt for them.

When running downstairs to proclaim her innocence, a good lesson for my niece to learn will be to not start out like this “Whatever it is he says that I did, I didn’t do it” Every adult in the room had their hands over their faces trying not to die laughing as she proceeded to tell exactly what Jeremiah was going to say she did and recount again that she did not do it. Kinda hard to buy the story, but funny!


Finally no words can describe the sweetness of having almost all of the people I love under one roof finally. We got to hold the kids a lot, which always makes me mindful that they will not always want to sit in Aunt Gina’s lap and just cuddle. How time flies!?!

In Which We Take a Break!

Well friends... I am off to Sunny North Dakota. Unless something really fascinating happens while I am gone I will be taking a blog-break.
Would appreciate prayers for safe travel.

We will be driving straight through the night. SO if you're in Western MO or Iowa or along that path wave all day and I might see you. :O)

Gina

In Which One Thing Really Does Lead to Another

Well it's almost midnight. I came home after work exhausted. But I knew I needed some unplugged time. So I got the old journal/Bible and a new book I am trying to read. Book required watching a bit of video - enter laptop.... video will not play.

So I sit in silence for a while writing, praying, thinking and crying.

That seems to be my pattern so far for the last two weeks. I think I have cried more in that time than I have in the last year (and I'm a crier people... no one cries alone in my presence!).

Why the tears? I read somewhere that tears are cleansing. I mean that in literal terms. Tears wash out impurities from your body. Have you ever cried tears that literally burn? That is your body, doing its job.

I also mean it figuratively. Sometimes we just have to let things go emotionally. I'm the queen of trying to hold things in. I guess I've always thought that eventually there would be time for a meltdown. The time just never actually came. I hate crying in front of anyone. It seems weak (yeah I don't know when weak became a bad thing either). It means I am "out of control," not something I am ever fond of fyi!

Back to the tears, because remember - one thing really does lead to another tonight.

I've been in this flaky emotional state for a couple of weeks. Seriously when I came home at lunch today and cried the ENTIRE HOUR - I figured I had used up the reservoir. I was oh... so.. wrong.

At about 6, right before I decided I needed to unplug, I lost it yet again. Yep - good times!

So how does this lead to something else. I hit my moment of clarity about 4 hours later. It was something I started to get earlier and that revelation (if it's not ok, it's not the end) needed to lead to the second verse.

We're not home yet. We're not done yet. You still breathing? Yep, me too. Guess what that means.
We're not done yet because we're not home yet. Which means God's not done yet either! Now how exiting is that?

It ain't over, till it's over. And the fact that you're reading this means it ain't over.

Tomorrow when I wake up and take that first morning breath I will remind myself again that God is still working out His plan. What plan? You got me - that's His business.

My business:
Get up
Get moving
Tell everyone I can what He is doing, has done, can do, wants to do (get the picture)
Come home
Repeat

In Which She Talks to the “In-Betweeners”

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about my life. Pastor’s sermon was a challenge to live for eternity. It hit me between the eyes (Pastor does that a LOT and I am so thankful for his diligence to God’s word). I was challenged to make some changes in what I do and what I think/say about what I do.

Then I also started thinking about stages of life. In our connection group my friend Joel mentioned something about God being focused on our journey in life, while we are focused on our destination. God wants to help us “be” where we are and who we need to be. Often we just want to get where we are going already. And could you hurry that up please God?

Am I the only one who keeps falling back into destination thinking?

My mind knows firmly that God is in control. He is working on me, through me, and around me for His glory and purposes. I am looking in me, around me, at me, and wishing He would get on with it already.

Again yesterday and this morning I am struck by the reminder to be the girl who is all about the journey.

We all have destinations in mind. We are all in between stages. Have you ever thought about it that way? All of us are “in-betweeners.” Even if you just had something come to pass you soon realize that it is just that - “past.” Our human minds automatically hit the “next” button and we start waiting again. You graduate from college and you are suddenly in the waiting for something like graduate school, marriage, or a job. You get married and you are in the waiting pool, even if not immediately for kids, a house, or something else. We’re all there!

Recently I was in the middle of a conversation that put a big spotlight right on my “in-betweener” status. My reaction even surprised me. See I actually had been happily a journey girl. I had not been focusing on being an in-betweener. It took all of about 2 seconds for me to snap back! How frustrating is that?! :O)

Since this morning has me back firmly in journey mode (hmmm… I’ve had to create words for this little post haven’t I? Hopefully you’re still with me), I wanted to share a couple of observations.

When you focus on the thing you want more than on the Giver you are always going to be miserable.

Think right now about what you want then give… it… up! See above re: misery.

No matter where you are in life you can help support another in-betweener. As different as we are we need to realize that we are more alike than different. Satan wants to categorize us. Christ wants to break those boundaries so we can learn and journey together.

Now get on out there and start talking! So glad we are on this journey together.

-G

In Which She Dwells, but in a good way

So this is an odd blog and a long blog - that’s your warning up front.

It’s been a difficult few weeks for me. I’ve been a long-time on again/off again migraine sufferer. The last month has seen them coming up at least once a week, with the last one hanging in for (current count as of 6/2/09) 8 days! 8 days of dizziness, head pounding, eyes twitching and general grumpy madness. Honestly I don’t say anything to complain… just to explain! If you see me, and I don’t see you, that’s probably why. If you call me on the phone and I seem “not there” there’s a good bet I’m not.

But I digress.

Spiritually this last month has been challenging. It’s hard to read with a pounding head… hard to sing (my favorite “me and God” time)… and hard to focus. To say the last month has been dry for me just doesn’t seem to cut it. I hadn’t even really realized it until I opened my journal this morning and my last entry was 5/13. Almost a month break is practically unheard of for me in journal terms. So why did I wake up this morning and grab the journal? It was a dream.

Before you start rolling your eyes (all three of you who read) let me state for the record that I am not a person who believes every dream means something. Sure some of them do. Sure sometimes your subconscious needs to work things out and chooses your dreaming to do the work. Sometimes I firmly believe that if you aren’t still enough when you are awake, or He just chooses to, God will come in and speak.

That would be what happened to me early this morning. Most of the dream, even the setting, I’ll leave between me and God because I know that is what needs to happen. But part of what I learned I just felt like sharing. I think it is because I know, from your comments, prayer requests, and messages; that many of you are struggling right now.

It was a disturbing dream in many ways. In the midst of it though, God gave me a song and buddy I belted it out right then and there. I don’t remember it, maybe I will later. I don’t even remember more than two words of it. But the two words were worth the distress of the dream.

Wonderful counselor

When I woke up there were a few things clear to me. I hadn’t slept much (getting used to that) but I had to stay up and process. So I grabbed my Bible and journal from beside me and got to work. I think I’m a pretty good listener. I’m a problem solver at heart and a counselor. So I love helping other people work through things. I enjoy God giving me the right word, at the right time to help lift other people. It is a joy to me to do that. However too often I don’t go for that same help. I wall myself off. Where does the “healer” go when they need to be healed? Wonderful Counselor!

The first place I opened my Bible to was Psalm 91. Pastor Floyd did a Sunday night series a while back on that passage and I still had the notes to re-read. FYI - the dwelling in the secret place, and pastor had both been in my dream!?!

Where are you dwelling? Lately I’ve been dwelling in my problem. I’m in pain and that doesn’t seem to be letting up. Who knows, it may not let up for a while. But where do I need to dwell? I need to dwell in the secret place. This morning when I woke up to read, I just kept reading. It was so fresh to me, maybe because things have been so “dry.” But everything jumped off the page and pointed back to the dream. Wild!

Circumstances may not change. But I will dwell and I am determined to let that change me! God gave me a song and remember it or not my heart will be singing it. It’s back to basics for me. It’s all about digging in and not letting go until God breaks my hip and gives me the blessing (see Jacob in the OT if that is gibberish for you). I’ll try to let you in on the journey. If I don’t, feel free to ask.

On and up friends!

-Gina

In Which She Realizes it is Tuesday... not Monday

Summer is fast approaching, which means lots of work in the mission ministry. It is great. We get to work with new folks (interns which I usually call minions). We get to get out into the community more. Lots of things happen in ministry during the summer.

This year we have a neat opportunity with two adult interns instead of college students. I have loved every summer with our students. This is just a totally new deal. It will be interesting to see what God does.

First up is our big Kidapalooza Festival.

Wait - getting off my topic at hand. Yesterday, aka, Monday passed harmlessly for a Monday. I suppose that should have been my first clue today would be "special."

Today was not a bad day. It was just a weird day complete with a dreaded doctor's appointment that offered me so-so news, kinda cruddy news, and sarcasm. Good times! :OP

Anyhoo - thought I would take this day to update and say howdy. All things good come to those who wait. Those who wait patiently may not get things faster, but they do seem happier in the mean time.

That's my advice for the day.

Oh - that and the fact that it is Tuesday, not Monday. Let that be a lesson for you. Unless it's tomorrow - then it is Wednesday... don't get confused!

Compassion

I've been inspired lately by the Compassion Blogger trip to India.
I have been a compassion sponsor for years. Long enough now that I cannot actually remember when I started.
I do, remember the moment when I first saw Grace. :)

For years I have been saying something to the effect of "God's going to call me to Tanzania." It started when I was 16 and first felt God's call to mission work. I just knew Tanzania was special, way before I had any clue where it was.

So a few years back I was sitting in a Compassion concert locally. Somewhere in the concert they passed out the folios that have compassion kids that needed a sponsor. I raised my hand and was given a "random" child.

Grace - from Tanzania. If I'd had any doubts about sponsoring, it left me that second.

I love Compassion because I get to watch Grace grow. I get letters with drawings, pictures and updates. I have seen her family.

If you have ever thought about this, or maybe haven't thought about it, I encourage you to go for it.

$32 a month makes a huge difference for these children AND their families.

I promise you will not be the same.

Grace and her grandma

In Which the Clock Stands Still

Yeah... so life right? Crazy...

I think today it's best to just make a list. I'm all about lists. Like many of my borderline OCD friends I love, love, love checking things OFF of lists. I also love things in three's, but that is off topic.

I call myself a frustrated perfectionist. I know that I can't get things where I want them so I give up. :) The end result is a mess.

Lately that seems to be life - messy.

It's ironic to me, because things are pretty good. I finally graduated with my BS in Psychology. I'm about 2/3 of the way through my Master of Divinity. My apartment (other than puddles the wonderdog and the person who always parks inches from my driver's side door) is a cozy little place of happiness.

I'm almost at 9 months of dating a great guy who is Godly, wise, witty, and cute (:OP). <---- should have gone for all "w's" huh?

Things are good. Things are actually really good.

So why in the world would I say things are messy? Cause they are!

I told you that I am a frustrated perfectionist. Life is tough for those of us who need things perfect. I like order. I like knowing that things are happening on schedule, my schedule that is!

Life is just not on my schedule these days.

Over the last year I decided to talk God into my timetable on a few things. I have my list you know, and things are not being checked off of it promptly.

The more list checking (or non-checking off) I did, the more frustrated I became.

Frustration leads to some ugly cycles. The more out of control we feel, the more we try to control. Surely there is something I can take on. God doesn't want it all right? Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Sheesh!

I'd like to proclaim today my official "hands off" day. I want to say that I am throwing my little lists away and letting go... letting God. I just know me a little bit better than that. :O)

What I will say is that I am going to dig in a little harder. Not my heels digging in while I try to get what I want. As much as I know that I cannot control, I also know that I can't even stop trying to control without His help.

So it's me and Him, together, taking on my mess.

Ahh life... crazy right?

-G

In Which She Waxed Poetic on Mother's Day

It's funny how you can be genuinely happy in one sense and sad at the same time about the exact same thing.
Mother's Day is one of those days. Once you start hitting certain numbers birthday wise you get a bit sentimental about milestones. I guess it is partly because we tend to gauge our lives by the people around us.

One couple gets married right out of high school or college; starts having kiddos; buys a house and settles in for life.

One couple gets married quickly after school and tries for ten years to have children. When God provides, it isn't the way they expected. But their little bundle of joy adds something priceless to their lives and his/hers.

A young person hears the call to go into mission for God in a far-off land. He knows this most likely means he will not marry, but goes in obedience.

A older person never hears the call to remain single, but never hears the call to marry. So she waits.

And there are so many stages in between.

As I faced yesterday I could not help measuring life in those around. We're all in stages aren't we?

Some are waiting for their life to begin - graduations are all over the place this month.

Some are waiting on new life to begin - pregnancies and new little ones abound these days.

There are engagements and possible engagements. There are those who are waiting on God with hope and those who wait with no hope. There are regrets over lost moments and moments taken in haste. There is divorce, death, uncertainty, loss... so many stages.

Yep. There are a lot of stages.

When yesterday came it caught me entirely by surprise. I think I am a good "waiter."
32 years old and single you get used to asking, expecting and waiting for God. I know its not a single-only deal. But it seems like that particular pool of people is much larger these days. So it stands to reason that the numbers are not in the favor of the "every pot has a lid" camp.

Not everyone who desires marriage will get it. Not everyone who desires to have children will. Not everyone who prays desperately for their marriage to hold together or their child to live will see the answer as they hoped.

Whew - depressing huh?

Well since we know my word for 2009 is JOY you know I'm not leaving us there right?

Back to yesterday... I couldn't face it. Cause I'm all about gut-wrenching transparency these days I will be the first to stand up and admit that baby dedication was not where I could be yesterday. I did try. I really did.

Honestly I can say that I am THRILLED beyond belief for the answers I see around me. One friend tried for so long to have a baby with miscarriage after miscarriage, but God provided this past year with an adorable little answered prayer. One friend waited for the hubby and the baby and this was her year to.

I see it. It gives me hope. That is true. We're called to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Each of those times have their easy times and hard times.

I try to never be about feeling sorry for myself. It just does no good. It's time wasted but it's tough to avoid sometimes. Sometimes you are willing to hand things over to God.

Sometimes you grip those dreams hard - death grip hard.

Have you ever held something in your hand, with all your might for a long time?

It doesn't take long when you grip something like that for your hand to start to weaken. So you grip harder and it becomes even harder and harder to hold on to.

If you made it to the end of this post, perhaps it is because you are a gripper. You are desperately holding on to something that you want. While in reality the harder you grip the less of a hold you have.

My suggestion isn't to give up your dream. God is all about dreams. He is all about hope.

Mostly - He is all about you holding on to Him. So is your dream taking His place? Does it have a life of its own? Where are your thoughts? Are they on Him or on the thing/person/place/status that you just have to have?

Just a priority check because when God hits me with a 2 x 4 I like to at least try to spare someone the headache.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

-Gina

Talking on Elevators

I don't know when I started this little habit I am about to confess. If I could trace it back it might make sense.

I talk to myself on elevators. Since I cannot walk stairs much (ouchie knee) and work on the second floor, I talk to myself in our particular elevator several times a day/week. I have come to the recent revelation that you can clearly hear conversations in our elevator while waiting for it to come down/up. Which leaves me wondering which of my self amusing, chuckling, strange-singing moments have been the amusement of others. Would you tell me if you heard me conversing on the way up /down? Just this week I have had:
1. A hysterical bag incident that left me howling in laughter down into someone else's office (that one I HAD to explain).
2. Two incidences of me singing "In a Little While" - remember that Amy Grant song?
3. Pizza/leftover counting on my way down the elevator... Tuesday is Weight Watcher's night at FBCS... chubby people really hate walking past weight watcher's meetings. It's like "yeah - I could be one of you, but I choose not to - I have food in my hands because I didn't eat all of my grande quesadilla from lunch... so THERE" FYI - told you I was strange.

And yep - it's just Tuesday. :O)

Being just a bit off mentally I also had the thought of messing with people using this knowledge, but I think I already have a reputation for odd so I am going to skip it.

Why do I share this with you?

No idea - just amused me tonight.

:O)

A Year or So Ago

A year ago or so I stood and looked at a rock structure. It clearly looked like a skull. It seemed such a far away place until that day - Golgotha, the place of the skull. Our guide explained that crucifixion didn't really take place on a hill. That wasn't the style of the Romans. The people they killed were to be an example so they hung on a roadway. Everyone who passed the skull hill, and the three men hanging in front of it, would have been close to eye level with the condemned. So all those passing by Jesus in the hours He hung dying most likely spit on Him while looking Him right in the eyes. For hours the Son of God hung, dying, bleeding, suffering, and sacrificing.

A year ago or so I walked through a garden.I wasn't really sure how far... but it wasn't far. There was a hole - just barely big enough to get one person through at a time. There was a garden. Then there was a tomb. (Jn 19:41)

A year ago or so I walked into a tomb, an unfinished tomb in a garden. It was just around the corner from the rock hill that looks just like a skull. In that tomb in a garden was the most beautiful nothing I have ever seen. What I looked on that day a year ago or so was the tomb where Jesus laid. I say laid because clearly there was no one there. That tomb really is empty.

A year ago or so I sat in a garden overwhelmed. It wasn't until days later that it hit me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw one thing - white stone - tomb - nothing. Burned onto my memory is that nothing. He is not there. He is not there. It was like I just couldn't stop thinking it. He is not there. He is not there.

A year later I sat and read the accounts of those who were in the garden on the first day of that beautiful sight of nothing. He was not there.

Again in my mind today is that tomb. So I wanted to share it with you.

He is not here - He IS RISEN!

A Word on Calling

I’ve wondered often and loudly about where God has me heading. I knew that finishing the undergrad was a priority, but I always felt that it was so I could be a Journeyman and head overseas. Then graduation came and it was clear that the timing was off to go overseas. By this time I was working at the church in a great job surrounded by great people. After a lot of prayer I applied to get my Master of Divinity at Liberty Seminary. The questions began immediately. What are you planning on doing when you got out of school?

I have probably another good year of school left and I still don’t have a concrete answer to that question. I’ve learned a lot from both the BS in Psychology and the MDiv courses. But do they qualify me to do anything useful in society? That I cannot answer. Tonight I have some interesting questions rolling around in my head that have no answers. A wise person once told me that sometimes your passion is what God has called you to do. We always look for something hard, like God would only call us to something that we hate. Could it be that He does call us to something that is beyond ourselves, but is something that we also love? I think so.

Prayerfully I begin the process this week of sending out some things to get published. I love writing and in the course of just a week I have had three people tell me how encouraged they are by my writing. I’ve written for a long time. I even used to write a daily e-mail devotional. I always received encouragement. Still so little of what I have written over the years is online. I guess I can’t help but feel the need to get more of it out here and maybe in print somewhere. Could it be that this passion is my calling? I don’t know. But I am going for it.

To those of you who have encouraged me lately I want to let you know that God has used you to be a part of this decision. I may fall absolutely flat! It really scares me. But I am going for it!

So Good

God is so faithful... and for that, and much more, I am thankful.

Anger

If today was summed up in one word… and I was honest about that word… it would be anger. Hi, my name is Gina - I am angry.

Frankly I’m a little angry that I am angry. There are people with serious life-altering horrendous problems that put anything I can even come up with to complain about to shame.

But still my word for today is anger.

Somehow today has me feeling like Shempy’s Freak Circus passed me by - and I so shoulda hopped on board. Cause I just don’t belong here.

Some days I just feel like an imposter. Things should be better than this. I should be past this. I should be able to just put this aside. See the bigger problem is that I am not better than this emotion and I am SO no past it.

So tonight is a struggle. Tonight I think will end with tears. I gotta think that an honest cry out to God is just all a girl has (well that and blogging - how self-absorbed am I?) For some reason I benefit from reading when other people struggle. I guess maybe I think someone can benefit from this - OR that I can benefit from it later.

What led to this? Lots of things - change, no change, crazy people making today their day in my life, answers, no answers, and a lot of little stuff that has me baffled

I want to be able to pinpoint one thing. Because if I could do that, I would stop mentally blaming people who really have NO idea that they are on my list tonight! Maybe if I could check the “you are responsible” box I could let everyone else off the hook. Alas that ain’t happening.

So tonight - on the next to last day of the third month of 2009 - I am angry.

I really only have one place to go… so I go there now… and leave you with this:

Ephesians 6:12 (The Message)

A Fight to the Finish
And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

For my three loyal readers...

I just felt like there needed to be something new here. So... I ramble on!
Spring seems to be here definitively this time. I am ready I suppose - my allergies are NOT!

Something about spring always sets me in a chipper mood. Today I was almost obnoxiously walking the halls singing Zipadee Doda! :) I think it is the end to the bleakness that always defines winter.

But today it dawned on me that Spring, more than any other season, is about new beginnings. It is new birth from death. How appropriate is that for Easter to fall in Spring?!

Unlike many, many people I am a fan of change. I say that a lot but lately am realizing that I am a fan of MY change, not necessarily other's changes. I love spring because you get to see the old dead trees turn to pretty new buds. It's fresh, new, and alive.

I guess that is how I feel tonight. I feel fresh and new. God is so gracious to work with us through our winters. Some of them are so long that they seem never ending. But spring is always just around the corner. And I am in spring. This year has already seen some incredible changes in my life and in me personally. Change is good! I cannot wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter.

God is good. What a blessing to never be stuck in any one season for more than He has designed - that is in nature and in life!

G

Reasons I'm thankful to be living in 2009

So lately, with all the doom and gloom stuff we are surrounded with, I've been finding myself wondering what it would have been like to live in the past.

Frankly - LOST's little time traveling antics helped me along on this.

Over my life I've often thought that I should have lived in a different time. I just don't "get" the world we live in in so many different ways. The thought lately has been that we are possibly getting ready to experience a different time due to economic downturn... crazy disaster... mutant ninjas taking over. You know, the usual things!

So here are some things that I am thankful for that I would NOT have had in 1940.

Facebook - WOO!
E-mail
Cell Phone
Hulu
Most likely - not my own apartment
Most likely - not be getting my MDiv
The ability to see my brother in the frozen north in just a few hours travel.
The ability to see my brother and fam digitally on a web cam
The ability to make a quick little drive down the hill to see my other brother, mom/dad, and rest of the fam.
My laptop and the world it brings here to me

Well there is a short and mostly geeky tip of the iceberg.
The talk I keep having is my little Pollyanna "it's going to be ok" speech. I know a lot of people think it's crazy but I am determined to believe it. Even if the world goes to pieces tonight while we sleep I will still love and be loved. I have amazing friends and family. I have Christ! That means that I have everything.

Good thought to leave on!

I amaze myself

Now I bet you're thinking I'm about to brag on some amazing gift I have right?
Nope

I'm amazed at my inability to follow my own advice! Ever notice how much easier it is to be the sage voice of wisdom than to be the follower of that wisdom?

I'd share - but my first self advice that I am going to take is to make myself go to sleep!

Patience of Job

I find it amazing that no matter where we are in life we are usually looking to the next step with some sort of impatience or another. If you are finally married, even after a long wait, it seems like it doesn’t take long until you are waiting patiently for the first child, perfect job, or new home. Once you get your little angel you tend to wait patiently for the terrible two’s or teething to pass. We do a lot of waiting in this life don’t we?

Pastor has done this great series on dwelling in the secret place (Ps 91). I would never claim to be an expert on this topic and I have definitely learned a lot from this series. But I can say that these past few months I have spent a lot more time in quietness. It started with a challenge from a class in seminary to spend time in complete silence. FYI - This is much easier said than done. If we boil down to my heart and I am totally honest, I’m not a fan of silence. I know you are shocked! I cannot count the nights that I have been drawn to nothingness, my journal, and my Bible lately. I’m not even searching for a specific in most cases. Sure there are requests. I am still waiting patiently on people, things, and situations… and sometime very impatiently! But the silence is almost for the sake of silence alone. It’s Tuesday night - good TV night btw - and I haven’t touched the button yet. Even with the set off I have to struggle to not fill this time with busyness. I journaled… read… prayed…read… then went back to the silence.

I hesitate to share. I almost started this last night. I questioned my motives. This isn’t about me. I think that in going back over all of this tonight I really believe that many of you are seeking to dwell in the secret place. I’m relatively young, 32, so for me to say that our times are the most chaotic and uncertain in memory isn’t a stretch. However I am also hearing that word from people much older and wiser than me. So many things are no longer a given in our cozy little worlds. Life for many is no longer a given in our cozy little worlds.

So how does this tie into patience? I have no solution to just about all of my questions tonight! I’ve journaled, prayed, read and I am getting one verse over and over and over again. It’s not God’s blueprint for Gina’s life, which is SO what I’d rather get from the silence! Since I’m the lay it all out there girl I wanted to share my heart a bit and my verse. God is good. If you’re struggling or if you’re not, He is faithful. He is sovereign. He is waiting with you.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Joy

So since I just realized that the three of you who may actually read this might have been curious. :OP

My word from God for 2009 is JOY!

I think its been a while

Well since the last post we've had a lot going on here in my little corner of the world. Big Ice storm - followed by weeks of ongoing cleanup. Since I have the privilege of working in our missions office I also got to be involved in the disaster relief effort! Wow... I had no idea what all went into the process.

These guys are to be admired for their work. At the end of the next few days this will mostly be behind me, but these guys will move onto the next crisis. Amazing spirits and workers!

School is crazy - life is crazy - I am crazy

I wish I had something more interesting to report. Life goes on, much as it has in the past few months. Things have changed drastically - dating Al - getting close to the end of school - dating Al. :) Things are just good.

God is Faithful to those who wait - even those of ME who wait impatiently!

Off for now

It's Christmas - Part Two

Though posted together... these were DAYS apart. :) So read the one below me first!

It took a while… but I am there. I knew eventually that I would miss writing and need to come back to it. I knew eventually that journaling would no longer be enough for me. Something in me needs to share what God shares with me.

It’s been an incredible year for me. Every year I name my year. I pray about it for December and into January. Usually by New Year’s Eve I have it pegged. Last year - 2008 - was the year of Faithfulness, Forgiveness, and Freedom. As He always does, God has lived up to His promise. There have been so many ways that God’s has shown Himself faithful that I cannot even begin to put them into this post. I sometimes really do feel like the Israelites because I can forget God’s faithfulness easily when things aren’t going as I think they should.

Earlier this week I hit a point of desperation with Christmas after going into a local store. It was the music and its lack of Christmas’ true meaning that hurt my spirit… I don’t know a better way to say it.

Well today at lunch I needed to go back into there to look for something I thought I had seen. Would you believe it? The very same song was playing. Now here is the cool - when God teaches you something… He likes to affirm it moment! You ready? 

As I was walking around I heard the rest of this “song.” See somehow I dashed out without hitting the end. So I missed the point when the person in the song tells the other person that they have missed what Christmas is really about! I kid… you not!

So what spiritual lesson did Gina learn in the Dollar Store today? When you are at your most desperate point and things look hopeless (hopeless really does describe my outlook earlier this week), remember that God hasn’t finished the story yet!

God is all about second chapters. He even wrote a second testament to follow the first. He’s about second chances. He’s about happy endings. So if you are entering Christmas in a desperate state my reminder to you is that God is Faithful, Forgiving, and all about Freedom.

Off for now.

Have a Merry Christmas (if I don’t write again for a bit I want to make SURE I said it!)

It's Christmas - Part One

Can I be perfectly honest today? I’m fighting some holiday blahs today.

I went into one of our local stores ready to Christmas shop at lunch and was accosted with some holiday tunes. It wasn’t joy to the world or hark the herald or anything like that. One was all about “give me more stuff” then the next one was that plus ten.
I almost had to run out. Christmas is so much joy. In my heart I have the picture of a young girl, probably 20 years younger than I am today, a young man not much older than her. In their arms they hold a baby that will literally change the entire course of history. This realization is huge. It is Emanuel. He is “God with us.” This event is my entire life’s course. Who I am, what I do all comes back to a pivotal moment of Christ coming here.

This is God folks. He came here and lived the same type of life we live. People lied to Him. People hurt Him. People made Him laugh and sing. He stubbed toes… had colds. He experienced rudeness and all the other human stuff that can so get to us.

So today I am fighting this holiday blah… I want so much to hit pause today. I wanted, no needed, to stop and sit here and grab this perspective back. My joy to the world is not going to come in a box this year. And as much as I love so many of you… it’s not coming from you either. Either my joy is coming from the celebration of that event thousands of years ago… and the horror and triumph that followed it years later… either it is, or it isn’t.
And today I caught myself in the isn’t.
So in case you, like me, needed a little reminder I guess I felt the need to take us all back.

Go back to the quiet…the chill in the air… the lowing of cattle or oinking of pigs… see the star… see Mary and Joseph… see the angels and shepherds.
But most importantly… see the baby. He is God - God with us. Years from this moment He will die a cruel death for me… for You. He will raise from the dead and bring us new life.

But tonight, this night in our memory, He is a baby.

This is the beginning so let us remember.

Emmanuel - God with us

Israel Pictures

Well I am still not to the point that I can really talk here about the trip! Mostly for time... but I wanted to get some pictures out. Here you go!

Valley of Megido - Site of the final battle on earth



With Biff, the stuffed buffalo husband stand-in... :) We're in the "throne" room of some roman ruins.



A picture is worth a thousand words..

Blogging from Jerusalem

Man how I wish I had my USB cable. :) I'd be uploading pictures for you all right now.
Well here is an update on where I have been so far.
Nope. That would take to much time and i'm paying by the minute! :)
go to www.betweensundays.com for more on that. (one of the pictures you can see me from behind, looking over the valley of Megiddo).

I will say that so far my two most moving deals have been the Sea of Galilee and the Garden of Gethsemene. Honestly it's all too much to process.
But God is so real here you feel like you are back in time to 2000 years ago.
Today we were at the Western (Wailing) Wall and that was also a stark reminder of the past.
Well I'll blog more properly when I am home.
Miss you all!
Gina

Why no Single Mingle

Let me explain...
So the major complaint (mostly from our mothers) that single girls here is that we don't "get ourselves out there" enough.
And tonight I am reminded of the reason why.

So I am working up a new code for my friends for "GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!"
And teaching it to every girl and guy friend that I have.
Because I hate being caught flat without a bail out person.
Sigh

5 Gold Rings....

Chalk two more up on the engaged side of the world. What's the deal really? :O)
So honestly it's December almost. This is a crazy time of year. We just finished our Big Thanksgiving Ministry at the church. So now the follow up and clean up runs through December.
This year I am counting blessings. So here are a few:
1. I am SO thankful that when my car malfunctioned at 80MPH on the interstate God somehow turned me even though my wheel was stuck!
2. I am thankful that I have a super new boss and a great (and fun) staff team.
3. I am thankful that it is finally starting to feel like winter. I like the cold baby!
4. I am thankful that possibilities are all around and that God will never stop working in my life.
5. I am thankful, that I am still around to be Thankful.
Happy Christmas Season. :O)
Gina

The Setup

Ok... Short Blog I think.
But I needed to get some tips on record for those of your considering "the setup" aka the blind date for friends.
1.) Remember that the person you set up will take as a character reference your friendship. So, if you want to keep your friend, make sure you at LEAST know that the intended set up is someone they will relate too and not a serial killer. Just because we're single doesn't mean we are "perfect" for every other single.
2.) Remember that the person you set up will pay attention to who you have set them up with in regards to your opinion of them. SO if you set me up with some freak who has no manners, hates his momma, picks his toes in the car, or something equally scary I may think, that you think that I am a freak too!
3.) If you DO successfully navigate the set up and we end up together you get bragging rights. So all things aside... go for it. :O)
-Gina

Football and Fasting

Well I don’t know what it is about football that makes me get all poetic and thoughtful but here I am.
You see about an hour ago I was literally shaking and pacing the floor. My Hogs were up… all was good but could go badly quick. Then whammo - a last minute score.
Thinks change… just like that.
So here I am sitting with my laptop praying, thinking.
This week my church has had a little over 1300 people participating in a corporate Fast. This is my second time through this. Last time was so amazing in what God showed me I thought nothing could compare.
I was wrong.
I am guilty of forgetting just how big and sovereign God really is. My verse this week, not the one I would have chosen, but what God led me to is Isaiah 6:1-4
1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."
4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
The first time I saw this during this week was Tuesday. I was given it to read at a praise and worship service. I realy didn’t note it. Then Thursday at another service I got it to read again. As I read it to myself and waited for the service to begin, God began to speak. I had no idea what I needed to hear. But I knew it was in these verses.
Holy, holy, holy is the LORD almighty.
I went home and grabbed my commentary on Isaiah (just like God… I’m taking OBST 633 which is - ISAIAH!). On these verses the commentary speaks of the position of God.
God… is BIG.  God… is HUGE. We know this right?
So why do I continually try to use my human ideas to manipulate His planning?
The line that stuck with me is one of the things I thought of tonight.
“As long as I think that I an solve my problems (with a litle help from God of course) then I am the sovereign, and He is the servant.
Those of you who know me well, and you know who you are, have been witness to some spectacular ME moments. I’m good at directing my life, so I think. Really it’s laughable.
I know that I would choose things differently at this season in many ways. And I know that I would miss some incredible things.
So for the record (sorry mom) my hands are off. God will do, what He will do. He is sovereign. I still don’t know what tomorrow brings. But it is a lot easier to face, when I know that I don’t have to try to control or fix it.
Whew! God is good.
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

Ahem, Attention, Yes I am still alive

Well several of you have complained that I haven’t updated in a while, ok, two of you. :O)
So I thought I would take a minute and catch everyone back up on my fascinating life.

I have a new boss - WOOHOO!!! - I think he will be a great addition to our church.
He and his wife came to visit us last week and we all really liked them.
Thankfully, he will start quickly, and get in on the fun that is Blessing Baskets!

My brother is moving to North Dakota where it is:

A. Cold
B. Almost Canada
C. Further from home!
D. ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Not that I am bitter or anything… love ya Jeff.

More friends are in the marriage and baby business. Again, not that I am bitter. :O)

I am well into my second semester of Seminary, remind me to NEVER, ever do more than 6 hours at a time. These 8 week semesters lull me into a sense of false security. IN the end of this semester I will have taken the equivalent of 13 hours - STUPID! :P

Now, onto the pressing news of the weekend. Tomorrow is the first Razorback game of the season. Praise God! Now I know in he scheme of things that football isn't super important. But it is a huge blessing to be able to go and stand with several thousand other crazy, red dressed, people and cheer on my favorite team. I literally start dreaming of this day somewhere around January 6th of each year. SO you can imagine that by September I am ready to bust. Bring on the pigskin.
Woo Pig Sooieeee! :O(
>>> Hit that Line, hit that line, keep on going!>>>
Ahhh, all is well.
Until I am badgered into posting again, I bid you a happy opening of College Football Season weekend. Oh yeah, and happy Labor Day weekend too!

Lord of the Rings

Wow
I think I should have named 2007 The Year of the Rings. Engagement count as of July is now 4. Dang... :)
All your questions answered in one place.

News from my front - not much:
Semesters left till MDIV - 5... crud that is scary in print!
Years in current job - 1 1/2
Boss - No replacement yet
Current Staff - Down from 8 this time last year to 4
Dates - 1, unless you count the dates (figs) from my fig newton. Then... 1
Weight - HA! nope... but 50 lbs less than this time last year
Surgeries - 3 - none weight related thank you very much. :O)
Trips - none this year yet. Come on Africa!?!
Hair - Long
Teeth - still there
Dwelling - 1 bdrm apartment in little beirut
Brothers - 1 in AR, 1 to be in freakin North Dakota
Nephews - 4
Neice - 1
Moment I am most looking forward to this year = The Wed before Thanksgiving ie the day after Blessing Baskets

Happy Day!

I had the coolest experience tonight so I just had to share. :)
It's the 4th of July still as I write this. I left my parents house
for the hour drive back up the mountain just a little before 10pm.
So I got to see all the "finale" fireworks of the shows from each
town. I had this old cd in playing of choir songs from the last few
years. I was just awed at the mood it set. You know I really did
spend the day being thankful for our country, my family, our freedom,
my friends in the service and total strangers thousands of miles away
fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. But on the way home the only words
I could put together were "God you are so good." Over and over again
I was singing about His holiness, His faithfulness, His mercy and
goodness with bright sparkles and lightning shining in front of me.
It was awesome in the truest sense of that word. God is good. He's
good whether we feel it or not. He is good on the good days, but He
is still good on the bad days. So I'll leave you with some of His
names, because that is how I finished my drive! Praise Him people.
He is:
Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous, Victorious, Conqueror,
Triumphant and Mighty, Healer, Deliver, Shield and Defense, Strong
Tower and My Best Friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King,
Alpha, Omega, Lord of Everything!!!
Holy, Holy, Holy is your name
"In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his
name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim
that his name is exalted."- Isaiah 12:4

Vicodin is Our Friend and Other Catchy Titles

Well since my last post I have been poked and prodded. I've lost most of my sense of modesty. And I've had my first - hospital stay, major surgery, embarassing hospital story, and frustrating recouperation period.
Oh the joy! :)
So I just wanted to update since it is almost June. Things are better now. Well they are getting there. Actually things are SLOWLY getting there. But I am assured if I can stop pushing myself, then I can heal quicker. Slow down, three weeks before my second biggest ministry push of the year. Yeah, that'll happen.
Anyhoo.
I'm done with my first semester of Seminary.
I moved to an apartment.
I've been cut open.
All in all... 2007 has been rather adventurous!

Ministry of the Brokenhearted

Brokenhearted.
Even the word sounds painful. I am surrounded in this season of life once again by happy nearly/newly weds and pregnant friends. I’m honestly and deeply thrilled for all of these women in my life. I can say that I have rejoiced with them in their rejoicing. Tonight after sitting next to another glowing pregnant lady, I barely made it to my car before loosing it in tears. The only word that is appropriate for this feeling is grief. It seems unexplainable, selfish, and somehow wrong to react like this.
It’s also completely out of my control. So what’s a girl to do in times like this? What do you do when you are surrounded by happiness and seem stuck in pain?
To me I am coming back to two questions. Do I believe that God is faithful? Do I believe in His promises?
Yes I do.
In all of this one verse keeps coming back to me. It is out of context of this post. But it fits so well.

1 Thessalonians 4:13b
so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.

It’s ok to hurt, it’s what we do with the pain that is the key. As a Christian I don’t grieve anything like those who have no hope.

The one who promised these things to me is Faithful and True. That is in His very nature.
He can be trusted and He will keep those promises.

Before and Midway

Posting for those who are "away" :O()

This is the weight loss progress so far.

Devotional Thoughts

Isaiah 60:16b-20
Then you will know that I, the LORD, am your Savior, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob. Instead of bronze I will bring you gold, and silverin place of iron. Instead of wood I will bring you bronze, and iron in placeof stones. I will make peace your governor and righteousness your ruler. Nolonger will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction withinyour borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moonshine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moonwill wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.

I've been living a bit of a theme over these last few weeks. When things seemhard to understand I tend to mentally fast forward. I know that God isfaithful. That means I know that the end to any situation works out for myultimate good. It's the way He designed things. However, in the fast forwardmode, I've been missing a lot. There will be a day when things click alltogether. A day when there will be no more tears, waiting, patience, sorrow,pain, and frustration. This is not that day! As I sit here I am conscious ofone thing overriding my feelings of just moments ago, peace. God didn'tpromise us freedom from pain, tears, waiting, patience and sorrow on thisearth. He did say that in the midst of all of that He had come to bring usLIFE, and life more abundantly. And if you, like me, spend an overwhelmingamount of time aching for the perfection of Heaven... then you are missing theblessing of the Father, Son, and Spirit here on earth.Step back and breath deeply for a minute. He is waiting on us. Stop tryingto figure your way out of or into situations. Be here. Be His. Live in thepeace of this place and be free.-Gina

Who Am I Kidding

It's like -20 degrees outside and freezing rain.
I've got nothing but time
Something about 2007 has me pondering the year 2000. Remember how big of a deal it was? The world was going to end. Or at least the digital world was going to end, leaving us all living in tents and cooking with propane (and propane accessories) Ha! Ever notice how I manage to boil everything down to a cartoon or tv show? Sorry those of you who haven't seen King of the Hill and didn't catch that!
meanwhile...
So seven years has meant a lot of changes. I've said my final goodbyes to some people that I couldn't have imagined life without. And I've added some people that now I cannot imagine life without. Friends have gotten married, had kiddos, adopted kiddos, and moved away. I have... well I... um... I have a roommate now! :O)
The only thing that remains constant really is change. Well that and God Himself. And thankfully He hasn't left me the same. I am a different person than Gina - cerca NYE 1999. I have a lot less fear and a lot more hope. I have learned to enjoy the journey that God has me on. I have learned to not make decisions based on a fear of the unknown or the past.
Now there are at least a million lessons that God and I are still working on. We all know that I am far from perfect, but God isn't going to leave me here either.
Well Happy New Years
Praying for us all to have a 2007 full of God's best!
G

Deletion and Frustration

Ha!
I just finished a quite profound and long post.
And I hit something and deleted the whole flipping thing.
Sigh - always learning.

I'll write more later - when I have time again.
:O)

Gina

Who I am

How did it happen? Two weeks ago was Christmas 2005 or at least it seems that way.
So we're in the closing days of November and them whammo before I know it January will be here.
This has been a wild year. Somehow just when I think I have the hang of it, things change and I have to adapt again. God is definitely keeping me on my toes this year. If I were to name my year it would be the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Someday maybe I'll get into that a little more. Just be assured this year has seen some of my highest highs today, but also at least one of my lower lows.
The best thing that I can say about this year. I learned without any doubt that God is here for me personally. I have spent a lot of sleepless nights lately. And in one of them I spent hours contemplating the following statement.
God loves me as if I were the only person on earth.
People say that makes me unique. Ok... by the definition of unique that cannot be true. If He loves me, but He also loves all his other kiddos, how does that make me unique?
I think many of us (I can say I do for sure) stuggle with who we really are in Christ. I think it is what allows so many of us to struggle over our very salvation. It seems an impossibility. I compare the deep, dark, dusty places in my soul to the happy persona that you put on and meet me with. So in comparison I seem like a pretty low human being.
As I laid awake that night I saw a picture in my head. We're all standing together at the foot of the cross. I am suddenly seeing us all from His perspective. You know what? He isn't looking at the dark, dusty places that I so often inspect. The cross was right in the way. When my Father looks at me he does see the uniqueness that makes me Ginabob. But He sees it through a filter now that I have been redeemed. The deep, dark places are still there to struggle with, but they have been whitewashed by the blood of Jesus Christ!
Do you see how AMAZING that is?
I get to be quirky Gina. I get to be the girl who loves cartoons and stupid movies. I get to be the girl who struggles with my identity and fights a daily (hourly, minute by minute) battle with sin. Sometimes I get to be questioning, whiny, and angry Gina.
But best of all... I get to be Gina - uniquely loved by God.
Whew. That's a thought to sleep on.
GB

Happy Thanksgiving

Well it's finally the holiday season!! Yay. :)
This is by far my favorite time of year. This year is starting off a bit differently because I am on my own for the first time. I remember one Easter when I lived in Dallas that I stayed in D for the holiday and was super depressed. It was hard to be away from my family. I miss all 4 of my nephews and my little niece.
I miss them today, but I am not really depressed about it. I think I have had a roller coaster few weeks so this totally quiet environment is quite appealing.
So far I am 2 days into solitude and loving it. I cleaned and did laundry all day yesterday. Which typicially isn't my idea of fun. But getting some of the clutter gone is a great feeling. Chaos around me makes me anxious, but I still manage to let it pile!
So we start Thanksgiving in a great mood. I think my plan is still to soak everything in. Oh and maybe catch a movie.
Tomorrow is the big day, when my Razorbacks whip up on LSU. I dreamt last night that I had gotten tickets to the game. Man... here's wishing for that to happen.
Ok. I'm off to enjoy the day.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
GB

Waiting for Saturday

The buildup started after my Hogs whipped up on Auburn.
And it just keeps growing and growing every week!
So in just a few short days I will take my place in the bleachers for the last Fayetteville home game for this year. Might be my last game of the year. Or I might just have to catch a bowl game. :)
All this excitement is just wild.
I have two thoughts running around and around so I will just throw them out here.
1.) I cannot emotionally handle a close game. I don't do tense well!!!! So we better dominate first AND second halves this week.
2.) I cannot believe that I get to be at a game that ESPN Gamecenter is at! Wow. Talk about blessed.
I often reflect on the other season enders that I have sat through at this same stadium. Some of them have been rough to put it mildly.
But my first, and so far most exciting one, was against TN just a few years ago. Refreshing memories - we won... they tore down the goalpost... and I was right on the field.
Go Hogs - STOMP Tennessee

GB

The End of an Era

Whew!
I finished last night at 11:30. The last paper has been turned in. The last test has been taken.
It isn't official I suppose. I won't have my diploma for months. But the work is done and I am now a college graduate!
I'm in this really thoughtful mode tonight. This has been a big year for me. I turned thirty. I finally graduated. The Razorbacks are moving UP in the rankings. And it's only October! :O) Still time for some accomplishments.
I'm in a hopeful mood. The biggest reason is that all of these things spell something.
It's a huge - Yay God, as one of my coworkers would say.
There are so many ways in which this looked doubtful. Along these last two years God had to provide over and over again. If you walked through this with me, you can understand how amazing it really is. And in the end I can see how He timed out even the delays.
It's a good reminder to me that even the low points have a purpose.
So now I am off to set my next goal - what to get a masters in.
I'm thinking sleep management.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............................