Thursday, May 14, 2009

In Which the Clock Stands Still

Yeah... so life right? Crazy...

I think today it's best to just make a list. I'm all about lists. Like many of my borderline OCD friends I love, love, love checking things OFF of lists. I also love things in three's, but that is off topic.

I call myself a frustrated perfectionist. I know that I can't get things where I want them so I give up. :) The end result is a mess.

Lately that seems to be life - messy.

It's ironic to me, because things are pretty good. I finally graduated with my BS in Psychology. I'm about 2/3 of the way through my Master of Divinity. My apartment (other than puddles the wonderdog and the person who always parks inches from my driver's side door) is a cozy little place of happiness.

I'm almost at 9 months of dating a great guy who is Godly, wise, witty, and cute (:OP). <---- should have gone for all "w's" huh?

Things are good. Things are actually really good.

So why in the world would I say things are messy? Cause they are!

I told you that I am a frustrated perfectionist. Life is tough for those of us who need things perfect. I like order. I like knowing that things are happening on schedule, my schedule that is!

Life is just not on my schedule these days.

Over the last year I decided to talk God into my timetable on a few things. I have my list you know, and things are not being checked off of it promptly.

The more list checking (or non-checking off) I did, the more frustrated I became.

Frustration leads to some ugly cycles. The more out of control we feel, the more we try to control. Surely there is something I can take on. God doesn't want it all right? Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Sheesh!

I'd like to proclaim today my official "hands off" day. I want to say that I am throwing my little lists away and letting go... letting God. I just know me a little bit better than that. :O)

What I will say is that I am going to dig in a little harder. Not my heels digging in while I try to get what I want. As much as I know that I cannot control, I also know that I can't even stop trying to control without His help.

So it's me and Him, together, taking on my mess.

Ahh life... crazy right?