Monday, May 11, 2009

In Which She Waxed Poetic on Mother's Day

It's funny how you can be genuinely happy in one sense and sad at the same time about the exact same thing.
Mother's Day is one of those days. Once you start hitting certain numbers birthday wise you get a bit sentimental about milestones. I guess it is partly because we tend to gauge our lives by the people around us.

One couple gets married right out of high school or college; starts having kiddos; buys a house and settles in for life.

One couple gets married quickly after school and tries for ten years to have children. When God provides, it isn't the way they expected. But their little bundle of joy adds something priceless to their lives and his/hers.

A young person hears the call to go into mission for God in a far-off land. He knows this most likely means he will not marry, but goes in obedience.

A older person never hears the call to remain single, but never hears the call to marry. So she waits.

And there are so many stages in between.

As I faced yesterday I could not help measuring life in those around. We're all in stages aren't we?

Some are waiting for their life to begin - graduations are all over the place this month.

Some are waiting on new life to begin - pregnancies and new little ones abound these days.

There are engagements and possible engagements. There are those who are waiting on God with hope and those who wait with no hope. There are regrets over lost moments and moments taken in haste. There is divorce, death, uncertainty, loss... so many stages.

Yep. There are a lot of stages.

When yesterday came it caught me entirely by surprise. I think I am a good "waiter."
32 years old and single you get used to asking, expecting and waiting for God. I know its not a single-only deal. But it seems like that particular pool of people is much larger these days. So it stands to reason that the numbers are not in the favor of the "every pot has a lid" camp.

Not everyone who desires marriage will get it. Not everyone who desires to have children will. Not everyone who prays desperately for their marriage to hold together or their child to live will see the answer as they hoped.

Whew - depressing huh?

Well since we know my word for 2009 is JOY you know I'm not leaving us there right?

Back to yesterday... I couldn't face it. Cause I'm all about gut-wrenching transparency these days I will be the first to stand up and admit that baby dedication was not where I could be yesterday. I did try. I really did.

Honestly I can say that I am THRILLED beyond belief for the answers I see around me. One friend tried for so long to have a baby with miscarriage after miscarriage, but God provided this past year with an adorable little answered prayer. One friend waited for the hubby and the baby and this was her year to.

I see it. It gives me hope. That is true. We're called to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Each of those times have their easy times and hard times.

I try to never be about feeling sorry for myself. It just does no good. It's time wasted but it's tough to avoid sometimes. Sometimes you are willing to hand things over to God.

Sometimes you grip those dreams hard - death grip hard.

Have you ever held something in your hand, with all your might for a long time?

It doesn't take long when you grip something like that for your hand to start to weaken. So you grip harder and it becomes even harder and harder to hold on to.

If you made it to the end of this post, perhaps it is because you are a gripper. You are desperately holding on to something that you want. While in reality the harder you grip the less of a hold you have.

My suggestion isn't to give up your dream. God is all about dreams. He is all about hope.

Mostly - He is all about you holding on to Him. So is your dream taking His place? Does it have a life of its own? Where are your thoughts? Are they on Him or on the thing/person/place/status that you just have to have?

Just a priority check because when God hits me with a 2 x 4 I like to at least try to spare someone the headache.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.



Debbie said...

Thanks for your transparency. I, too know the sting of not being able to stay for an event that causes me sudden, surprising pain--a virtual knife right through the heart. For you, it was a baby dedication. For me it was the rededication of marriage vows on Valentine's Day. I've been divorced for 12 years; it shouldn't still hurt...should it?

Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. Or maybe there is no "should," but our own, individual walk with Christ as believers.

Oops, I got carried away. I am a writer, too. Thanks again for sharing. Your blog blesses me. =)