Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Who I am

How did it happen? Two weeks ago was Christmas 2005 or at least it seems that way.
So we're in the closing days of November and them whammo before I know it January will be here.
This has been a wild year. Somehow just when I think I have the hang of it, things change and I have to adapt again. God is definitely keeping me on my toes this year. If I were to name my year it would be the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Someday maybe I'll get into that a little more. Just be assured this year has seen some of my highest highs today, but also at least one of my lower lows.
The best thing that I can say about this year. I learned without any doubt that God is here for me personally. I have spent a lot of sleepless nights lately. And in one of them I spent hours contemplating the following statement.
God loves me as if I were the only person on earth.
People say that makes me unique. Ok... by the definition of unique that cannot be true. If He loves me, but He also loves all his other kiddos, how does that make me unique?
I think many of us (I can say I do for sure) stuggle with who we really are in Christ. I think it is what allows so many of us to struggle over our very salvation. It seems an impossibility. I compare the deep, dark, dusty places in my soul to the happy persona that you put on and meet me with. So in comparison I seem like a pretty low human being.
As I laid awake that night I saw a picture in my head. We're all standing together at the foot of the cross. I am suddenly seeing us all from His perspective. You know what? He isn't looking at the dark, dusty places that I so often inspect. The cross was right in the way. When my Father looks at me he does see the uniqueness that makes me Ginabob. But He sees it through a filter now that I have been redeemed. The deep, dark places are still there to struggle with, but they have been whitewashed by the blood of Jesus Christ!
Do you see how AMAZING that is?
I get to be quirky Gina. I get to be the girl who loves cartoons and stupid movies. I get to be the girl who struggles with my identity and fights a daily (hourly, minute by minute) battle with sin. Sometimes I get to be questioning, whiny, and angry Gina.
But best of all... I get to be Gina - uniquely loved by God.
Whew. That's a thought to sleep on.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving

Well it's finally the holiday season!! Yay. :)
This is by far my favorite time of year. This year is starting off a bit differently because I am on my own for the first time. I remember one Easter when I lived in Dallas that I stayed in D for the holiday and was super depressed. It was hard to be away from my family. I miss all 4 of my nephews and my little niece.
I miss them today, but I am not really depressed about it. I think I have had a roller coaster few weeks so this totally quiet environment is quite appealing.
So far I am 2 days into solitude and loving it. I cleaned and did laundry all day yesterday. Which typicially isn't my idea of fun. But getting some of the clutter gone is a great feeling. Chaos around me makes me anxious, but I still manage to let it pile!
So we start Thanksgiving in a great mood. I think my plan is still to soak everything in. Oh and maybe catch a movie.
Tomorrow is the big day, when my Razorbacks whip up on LSU. I dreamt last night that I had gotten tickets to the game. Man... here's wishing for that to happen.
Ok. I'm off to enjoy the day.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Waiting for Saturday

The buildup started after my Hogs whipped up on Auburn.
And it just keeps growing and growing every week!
So in just a few short days I will take my place in the bleachers for the last Fayetteville home game for this year. Might be my last game of the year. Or I might just have to catch a bowl game. :)
All this excitement is just wild.
I have two thoughts running around and around so I will just throw them out here.
1.) I cannot emotionally handle a close game. I don't do tense well!!!! So we better dominate first AND second halves this week.
2.) I cannot believe that I get to be at a game that ESPN Gamecenter is at! Wow. Talk about blessed.
I often reflect on the other season enders that I have sat through at this same stadium. Some of them have been rough to put it mildly.
But my first, and so far most exciting one, was against TN just a few years ago. Refreshing memories - we won... they tore down the goalpost... and I was right on the field.
Go Hogs - STOMP Tennessee


Sunday, October 15, 2006

The End of an Era

I finished last night at 11:30. The last paper has been turned in. The last test has been taken.
It isn't official I suppose. I won't have my diploma for months. But the work is done and I am now a college graduate!
I'm in this really thoughtful mode tonight. This has been a big year for me. I turned thirty. I finally graduated. The Razorbacks are moving UP in the rankings. And it's only October! :O) Still time for some accomplishments.
I'm in a hopeful mood. The biggest reason is that all of these things spell something.
It's a huge - Yay God, as one of my coworkers would say.
There are so many ways in which this looked doubtful. Along these last two years God had to provide over and over again. If you walked through this with me, you can understand how amazing it really is. And in the end I can see how He timed out even the delays.
It's a good reminder to me that even the low points have a purpose.
So now I am off to set my next goal - what to get a masters in.
I'm thinking sleep management.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

It's Been a Day

The funeral was today. As I was sitting there watching all the people around me I was thinking about the oddest things. I realized that funerals are a huge part of the release that is needed for grief. You listen to a thousand stories and try to find words. I love you is heard over and over again if you are blessed. My friend and her family were very blessed. You can tell a lot about the character of a person by their funeral. There was laughter and tears and years worth of memories lived over in a, too brief, moment.
As we sat at the graveside the rain that held for so long came pouring down. And it poured and poured throughout the graveside service. Then as we closed in prayer the rain dried and there was the sun. So it goes with life after loss. There will be moments after moments when the rain just pours in grief... then in comes the Son. I think the biggest key to funerals is just that. When we, as Christians, say 'goodbye' over a gravesight we really say 'see you later.' For us there are no true goodbyes. Soon the curtain will part for us all and He will call us home. I don't know about you, but I am going to run to Him. I believe right behind Him will be face after face last seen through a sheen of tears. For tonight I know those will be my last thoughts as I go to sleep.
Other than this - treasure life. I think we forget this all too often. Don't forget to live it every second, for all that it is worth. Make tomorrow count.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Life meets football

What a contrast today. For days I have been waiting for a painful call and today I got it.
I've had a friend since I was 5 years old. We met on the first day of kindergarten. We grew up together. We cried over boys. Laughed over everything. We spent thousands of hours together. Her family was my family. I cannot count the talks with her mom and dad. The hours spent in the car with them. Trips to the grocery school. Rides to school. Nights spent over. It all blurs past me tonight.
This afternoon her dad went ahead of us to heaven. Even though I have been expecting the phone call for days, when it came I was still devastated. I flash back to 9 years old riding in the backseat of their car listening to him talk. Watching movies at their house. The time I got SO muddy at their house that I had to take a bath before leaving. Walks and talks, advice - love.
The last time I saw him he was in the hospital. And he brightened when he saw me walk in the room. He held out his hand to me. And I just stood there and held it. I got to tell him that I loved him. I knew he probably knew it... but I needed to say it.
So today, on the 25th row, seat 23 on the 35th yard line - Section 103 of Razorback Stadium, I got the call I was dreading.
The contrast is so stark, because I was sitting in the middle of a cheering crowd, looking up at the sky in tears. The game went on as usual. We cheered our team. And I sat in the midst of the crowd and remembered football games in high school, band concerts, dances and a wedding. Some people are so strong and such a force in your life that you don't even realize it until they are gone. And it really still doesn't seem real.
Our team won, barely, in two overtimes. It was a rollercoaster game and a rollercoaster afternoon. Football is not life and death. Teams win and loose every week. Life goes on.
Today will forever be tagged for me as one of my best college football days. And it is the day that earth got a little less satisfying and heaven that much more appealing.
I love you Mr. Anderson. See you there!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

It's not what it looks like

I've thought a lot lately about being an "adult." It's funny, to be the age I am currently and still not feel like an adult. I sometimes think that someone is going to put two and two together and realize that I am still faking it! And I often wonder how old you are before that feeling goes away.
No, I'm not old. And many people around me remind me of that all the time. I guess it's a perspective thing. It's who you are measuring yourself against that sets that perspective. So I'm hoping that you really are only as old as you feel. And that means I am young. :)
So lately the other thing that I am thinking about is how weird it is that I am actually about to graduate. Again, at my age people in school are usually on their second masters or a PHD or something. But I am reviling in finally completing this thing. I gutted this dern thing out. I mean stretching a 4 year degree into... well more than 4 years... it's an accomplishment! I will be throwing one dilly of a graduation party at the end of this whole deal. I mean heck, I'm not having a wedding shower anytime soon and I sure as fire am not having a baby shower. So the only party left for the single girl is her first LONG awaited milestone.
So get ready friends and neighbors! Get ready to party like it's 1999 (which ironically should have been the year I actually graduated from college. Ha!
I'm jumping around a bit I realize. But I haven't posted in a while so I have some ground to cover. Lately my other thoughts have been about the useless knowledge that I hold on movies and TV. Seriously, when people come to you to find out lyrics of theme songs, you watch too much TV. I think I need to put that "talent" to some good use. But I have no idea what such a useless talent could possibly be good for! Really I think my TV/Movie knowledge is stored in its own section of my brain. It doesn't seem to be taking anything away from the space needed to learn about the mechanics of psychology. So I think it must be safely tucked away in some region of memory that was designed especially. I think it is the "Cliff Clavin" area of the brain.
Ok that is enough piddling for one night.
Happy Monday everyone.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


I am not particularly scared of spiders.
I have never been particularly scared of spiders.
However, being pulled out of a nice quiet evening by screaming and walking in to find a giganto spider will make an arachnophobe out of anyone.
Seriously, the spider was like rat sized! Ok, maybe not quite that big. But it was ugly and large enough to requre a full force smash to kill. Ugly enough that my roommate shut me in the garage to kill it. :)
Yes, I kill my own spiders. Well she would have too, but she was the one who had to live through it walking between her feet! I read once that guys don't like girls who kill their own spiders. I am sure that is some kind of stereotype thing.
Rest assured if it is not a stereotype deal, and someone tells me that, I will learn to scream and jump up on a chair. Just like I do when here is a mouse... shudder... shudder... I hate mice.
When I was a teenager I was taking a bath, and a mouse had just eaten some poison out of one of those traps. And it drunkenly staggered into the bathroom and kept hitting the tub over and over again. I had to get my grandmother in to kill it before I could get out. ALSO I stepped on a poison drunk mouse once. This started the infamous broom flogging incident that my family still laughs about. Spiders = bad. Mice = evil.
I started out to write about the huge beautiful moon tonight but I have been completely derailed.
Oh well.
I see the moon. The moon sees me. The moon sees the gigantic spider carcass in my garage.
Night everybody.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Singing in the Elevator

Have you ever noticed how people just get quiet on elevators? Well they do. It's weird.
You might even be talking right before you get on. But somehow when the doors close so do the mouths.
So this morning I get on the elevator with three coworkers and one of them says "Sing-a-long"
And the four of us go up singing "Aaaaamen, aaaamen, Aaaaamen, Amen, Amen" :)
I think I shall start out every morning singing amen in the elevator. he he he
Tomorrow is finally Friday. And thank God for that. I have my first test this week.
I'm just overwhelmed lately. But then who isn't these days?
Tonight I am waiting on the phone to ring. Who is calling Gina? Wouldn't YOU like to know.
It's funny how waiting one something seems to make it not happen. Maybe that is just my experience. Yeah. I am sure that is it.
God is teaching me something in a rather harsh fashion this week. It's about being obedient - just because. You know when you tell a child to do something, sometimes it is just because it needed doing. It's not because you wanted to give them something. I guess I need to keep that perspective. Being obedient carries it's own rewards and that is the thing that I need to be reminded of sometimes. That is this week in a nutshell.
Oh and I also learned that my Sunday learners do listen. After me using the word "hovel" this week and most of them laughing because they didn't know the word, one of them came back and said "I used 'hovel'" this week. :)
Look it up!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Wrong... So Wrong

It's weird. Just when I think I have something licked... like my sarcastic attitude... something rears up and causes me to spout off. :P I think I just need to give in and be my own sarcastic self!
I'm learning a lot about myself now that things have picked back up. I started my last semester yesterday. Two days in I am not sure how I will make it to the end. I keep chanting - only two months - only two months.
After all, surely I can hold out for that long right?
Wouldn't it be nice if, while one area of your life goes completely insane, the others slowed down? Yeah, it would be wouldn't it? Instead it's like you become a chaos magnet. That is where I am right now. Everything that could pile on at once has decided to pile on.
Wah, wah, wah. :)
I have to say that I despise the physical side of my chosen degree. I suppose that the powers that be wanted any psych major to know about the ins and outs of the human nervous system. But I have NO desire to know these things! So on I trod - learning about neurons and dendrites and something that sounds like a mountain in Saudia Arabia.
Well that's enough for now I think. I must transfer to the bed before I fall over.
More later

Thursday, August 17, 2006


Long days seem to just be everyday these last few weeks.
I just seem to have to much going on. I wonder sometimes if I could go back to being in 2nd grade for a while. Why second grade?
I have no memory of second grade good or bad. That makes it seem like a good place to go back to for a little rest!!! :O)
I know my logic is probably a little off but hey. How bad could being 8 again be?
Tonight on the old tv is Goodfellas. I know nothing about Goodfellas and I can't seem to get into it. I loved the Animaniacs spoof of it (Goodfeathers) but I just can't seem to watch the real deal. I don't think I am missing much.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Chatty Cathy er... GinaBob

Well I'm on a roll so I am just going to keep going. :)
One of the things I am thinking about tonight is the grace of God.
I'm listening to a song from the 70s that is just incredible.
It's called Through It All. (lyrics)

I think songs like these speak to us all because we have all been through difficulties. There have definitely been times when I have doubted God's provision, sometimes even doubted His presence. But each time I come through I realize that He has been providing and He is there.

I think that is what strikes me about grace. No matter how faithless I have been He would never leave me. And if there is one thing that I think He wants to make sure I "get" out of this time in my life, it would be that I am not alone. I can run. But I cannot hide from the grace of God. You gotta trust me on this (well I don't suppose you HAVE to) but I know about this one a little bit! It's an overwhelming thought really. I have to admit that it is well beyond my grasp tonight.
I keep trying to write something after that thought but it won't quite come out right.
For tonight, this sleepy girl is going to bed, wrapped in the warm reminder that His grace is sufficient for all my needs.

Praise to my Father among whose matchless names is Faithful!


On A Break

Relieving on the switchboard here at work. It's always an adventure. I have finished my list of things I can do while not at my own computer.
So here I sit... la la la...
Fun things to note from my day:
Many married people love to play matchmaker. Not many of them have set me in their sights.
But those that have are quite amusing.
For the record - many of us singletons (I didn't say all) enjoy knowing that you think we'd be perfect for your neighbor's best friend.
However I must throw in a big red caution flag. Use the "set up" sparingly and only with someone you know the other person would really be interested in. Your single friend will take your recommendation as a judgement on what you think of them.
If you choose scary bubba from down the street because "Hey... you are both single."
Well that's just wrong. :O)
And do ask first. The set up ambush can get ugly.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Before I go...

My pastor always talks about how much he loves the early morning. I just can't seem to get that. Sure I can get up and read and pray a bit, but an actual real live quiet time at 5am just eludes me. Now late night - that is a totally different story.
If I didn't have to get up, I proved this during my recent job hiatus, I wouldn't go to sleep before 5am. I have no reasoning for this.
I just seem to do my best thinking/writing/talking between the hours of dark-thirty and ridiculously late.
If you figure it out, let me know!
So tonight I am trying to force myself to settle down and not continue reading this book that I have borrowed. It's been a mostly depressing story that has seen me cry quite a bit. I think it is because it has reminded me how somethings in life are out of our control and are intensly painful.
So... to not leave on a depressing note let me state something from that sage SpongeBob Square Pantalones.
"Don't worry, tomorrow we'll be back for more frolic and fun."


It's 11:17pm now officially 6 hours past the time I said I would go to sleep tonight.
Whatever keeps you up tonight GB?
Excellent question. After reading some random blogs... and figuring out they were people I know in "real" life, I decided to throw down.
Two things to accomplish.
1.)Figure out if I even want to blog.
2.)Figure out how to get to sleep tonight.
In the mean time I have some traveling music with me, in the form of a new cd that I got this weekend.
<-- Woo... and may I say hoo