In reality, I am finding it difficult.
Can we just be honest here?
Letting go of some things is easy.
Oh, I'll never win the lottery. I'm ok with that. I've let that go. Could be something about me never buying tickets but whatever. :)
It's the big things in life that are hard to really let go of fully.
- Bringing a mate
- Bringing healing
- Bringing children
- Healing Relationships
Meanwhile I've clearly trusted Him with the biggest thing ever - my eternity.
The drastic contrast... well it's hitting me hard today.
I am coming to the reality that I'm guilty of not trusting more than trusting.
We sang a song in worship today that we have sang a few times recently and it slammed into me.
It actually took my breath away for a moment. I'll link it below, but here is the lyric that messed me up.
As I wait, heart of God
Satisfy and sustain
As I hear, voice of God
Lead me on, be my guide
Be my guide
As I wait... satisfy and sustain.
I seem to wait a lot for things. It always seemed like other people got their stuff earlier, faster. Husband, jobs, house, kids = everything... quickly.
Meanwhile, God had me on the 10-20 year plan.
In hindsight, I'm ok with pretty much every minute I ended up waiting for all the things because I realize that God had a purpose. I realize that He had a plan.
But in the middle of the wait it can be nearly impossible to find that resting place of satisfaction.
As we wait we must listen and we must hear.
To be sustained, we must listen, we must hear, and we must be led.
I cannot wait happily on my own.
There are somethings that I cannot MAKE happen.
Trust me on this people. I have tried. If there is a shortcut I would have found it. If there was a magical waiting end-er I would have that bad boy. It doesn't exist.
So if you are in the wait with me, sit down for a few minutes and let this one sink in.
Christ, be all around me.
-Waiting. Finally Still