A Year Later

So it's actually been a year as of June 12th.
I've been silent here the last month or two.
As usual, that was not intentional.  :)
One of the interesting things that happens when you share your struggles and journey is that people feel free to ask you questions. I really love that.
I love that people feel like they can ask me about what is happening on their journey. I love that I get to share about where I have been and where I am going.
Right now much of life seems about the numbers.
1 year since surgery.
10 months since saying "I Do"
6 months since finding a job I really love.
117 pounds of massive change that have revolutionized my life.
Things are so different now.
However the really nutty thing to me is how many things stay the same.
A friend once told me that all life is waiting for something else.
Wow, I have never realized how valid that was until lately.
This phase in life is more about waiting than any other phase in my life.
That seems insane to type out and read. But it is true.
I think one of the most dangerous phases occurs right after you have gotten something you have longed so much for in life.
It's almost distorting to everything else. I wish I could make that make sense a little more.
However that would mean sharing something that I am just not able to share right now.

Well on to something fun, like my before and after so far...
Night before my surgery, part of me truly hates this picture but I keep it as a reminder, and today! :O)

Happy Sunday everyone.
Make it a great day!
-Gina

Sounds Like a Case of the Mondays

Ok, so every two weeks blogging is better than once a month.
Right?
Good. Thanks for affirming my life choices.  :)
After much deliberation, I have decided to boycott Mondays.
Mondays.
Who needs em?

Now that that is out of the way let's get onto our topic at hand.

I don't actually have one.
That is all.

Just kidding (or April Fools if you like).

Right now life is super busy. I realize that it is only going to get busier from here.
Lately I seem to spend a lot of time remembering this time last year when I could barely get out of the house. I was knee-deep in wedding planning and having to rely on everyone else to get anything done.

I am so very thankful that God brought me through that season. I am also thankful for the many, many people who were the hands and feet of Jesus to me through those years.
I will never forget what I learned during those times of being completely dependent for some of the simplest things.

I think that is why my mindset, even after a crap-tastic Monday like today, is to be thankful.
I am thankful to have a job to go to.
I am thankful to have a husband to come home to.
I am thankful that even the overwhelming things will one day have an end.

No matter what situation you are in, things will change.
Great lives will go through tough times.
Those of you in tough times can cling to the promise that things will get better (I can't say when... but I can say "will").

So much of life is learning how to be joyful where you are.  Notice, I did not say happy. Happy comes and goes.
Joy is so much deeper.
I have found the secret. As great as things are right now, they are not perfect. There are some things happening right now that I would just like to move on past. But I don't have that choice.
I do have the choice to continue to walk through.
I have the choice to remember that God is faithful.
He is.
I trust that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
So Monday -  (insert that raspberry sound that you make with your mouth and tongue here).
Take that!
:O)
-Gina

Change In A Moment

I'm not sure why I'm on this track tonight. But I'm just going to go with it since I need a blog post... and here it is.  :O)
Life is fleeting.
It can change (snap your fingers) that fast.
Every second we make decisions.
Sometimes I think some of our biggest decisions come to us in a snap decision that we may not even process.
Obviously some of our bigger decisions are clearly big decisions.
But not all of them are that obvious.
Random? Possibly.
Confusing thought? Maybe

Here is why I mention the fleeting-ness and the randomness together.
You never know when you will be faced with a life altering moment or decision.
And, beyond that, you never know when this decision will be your last.
Now I'm not saying this to be fatalistic.
I myself hope to have about 60, or so, more ornery, fun-filled years ahead of me.
But what if I do not??

Tonight I want to determine in my heart and mind that I will take life as it comes.
I will be intentional about loving well.
I will be conscious of chances to reach out to the people who "do life" around me every day.
I will stay in God's word and "prayed up" so my decisions will match His heart as best as they can.
I will be intentional about loving... WELL.

No matter if you  have 4 hours, 4 days or 40 years left, today is a chance to touch someone's life. It may be in a large way like buying groceries (or paying rent) for that single mom you know. It may be in a smaller way like telling your neighbor (whose dog makes you INSANE) that you are praying for them.
Whatever you can do. You should do.
Don't waste a day my friends.
Be the change that we so desperately need in this world.
Live
-Gina

All That I Have To Say

I keep thinking of things that I want to update here... mostly on break/lunch at work.
But by the time I can actually post they are gone.
Maybe I should be taking a notebook around with me again.  :O)
In the meantime let's see what I can come up with to update you a little bit.
Things around me just seem a little strange lately. I'm having a lot of "is this really my life?" moments. I don't know how to explain them really. I had gotten so used to life as it was in the past.
I knew how to do life as it was.
Life, as it is now, is super good. But I don't know how to take it.
I think it is very probable that not a single person will understand that statement.
But it's where I am.
It hit me today while I was walking back to my desk at work. Life is just good. It's plain old good.
It's dang-near carefree.
And I really don't know how to handle that.
It's not that things are perfect.
On the contrary there are a few pretty big "God" things that I am praying on right now.
There are some situations happening right now that I need Him to move in. He has to step into them.
I've done everything that I can do and I literally would do harm trying anything else. These are situations where I must wait, watch, pray, and hope.
But those situations stem from an answered prayer that still blows me away.
It's true that our journey of faith involves steps that build upon each other. I am waiting with confidence today because of the answered prayers of yesterday.
Does that make the waiting easy?
I'd be lying if I said yes to that.  :O)
But does it make it easier... yes.
And that is something in itself.

Patiently (sometimes at least) Waiting
-Gina

100 Pounds in 7 months

Sorry I'm a bit delayed in getting this posted.  :)
I finally hit the 100 pounds lost mark on January 26th.
I'm actually 2 pounds lighter than that now.  Less than 25 to go until goal - which is insane to type!
I think this is going to be long. So I'll put the stuff you probably came to see up front. :)
But I also wanted to give some thoughts on where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually at this point in the journey.
First up - a few pictures!
This is my most recent picture. It was taken yesterday at a little get-together to meet my friend's newest little bundle Rowan (isn't he precious?).
This is the first picture I can remember in a long time where I didn't pick out a single thing I didn't like. I think it helps that my companion is so stinking cute!

Meanwhile we had an incredibly long day and I got to go through all of it pain free. Bonus!

These next few pics are  my official "100 Pounds Lost" pictures. They were taken by my friend Becky in the dressing room of a store that shall remain nameless here. I think I'm going to go back and get this blue dress the second it goes on sale and maybe the purple one too!

Trying on clothes is almost enjoyable again. This little shopping trip did net me some painful days. But now that I know carrying around clothes for that long can be a trigger to back pain, I'll just take along a pack mule... or a cart maybe. :)

So now that we have dispensed with some pictures let's chat a bit about what life is like.
Things are different. At 8 months (tomorrow!) post-op I can eat almost anything I want. I'm still following the rules pretty closely right now. But nothing is truly off limits. There are still some things that I know will make me sick but avoiding them is a good trade off for what I have gained!

Right now I'm starting to think about the changes that I want to make in my life to keep the weight off long term.  I think that probably will get itself a separate post sometime soon.

Unfortunately, due to my insurance lapse with the job situation, I missed my 6 month checkup with Dr. Roller. But I get insurance back very soon and his office will be my first call!
The key to the follow up visits is the support but also the lab work to see where my levels are right now. At my 3 months I was very deficient in some areas. I think things have changed for the better because the symptoms that went along with it are gone.

I still struggle with how I see myself. I've read a lot of other blogs and message boards and that seems to be common. I have no idea what size I actually am.
I struggle to go into the normal sizes section in the store. I actually have this sense that other women are looking at me and are like "shouldn't you be in the plus size section?" Which is insane. But it's where I am with my mindset.
The other day my friend handed me pants to try on. I didn't even look at them. Once I had them on she said "those,  my friend, are size 12. They fit perfectly.
I've never worn size 12 pants. Never, ever. When I started this whole deal my "go-to" pants were a size 26. From a 26 to a 12 in 7 months - unreal!

Emotionally there is also still a struggle right now. Food was my coping choice for a long, long time. Life without that immediate release is different. Finding new ways to deal has been a challenge for sure.

Well this got long fast. So I am going to stop here.
I'm going to do my best to not go another month in between posts and get back to at least once a week.

Shrinking,
-Gina

Ebenezer - Part Two

Almost three years ago I wrote this post: Ebenezer.  The verses mentioned from 1 Samuel were, and still are, very important to me. This verse is all about marking the moments when God has done something amazing in your life.

 - Thus far the Lord has helped us -

The past few years have been a bit traumatic and dramatic. Things have changed rapidly.
So many times during these last three years I have wondered what God could possibly be doing. I have cried. I have pleaded. I have begged. I have surrendered... then surrendered again.

Thus far the Lord has helped me.

After coming through, what I sure hope was, the roughest time in my life, I can say that God was there.

He was there even when I had my doubts. He was there when I could not feel Him.
He was there.

Thus far the Lord has helped me.

Could I doubt that He will continue?
Not really. Not after all that I have seen.

This picture was taken by my sweet friend Carol in church two Sunday mornings ago.
It's miraculous to me for a few reasons.
And that is why I feel that this moment here, that one in the picture up there, is an Ebenezer.

1 - I'm singing with my HUSBAND y'all. I'm seriously, actually married. After 36 YEARS of single, God blessed. And this man is so beyond what I could ever have hoped or prayed for.

2 - I'm in church and I pretty much can always count on getting to be there. For three years, that was not the case. Now I get to be a regular again! :O)

3 - I'm singing, in front of people. If you've followed me for long, you know that is a pretty big miracle too. I told God I would never, ever, ever do that!

Thus far the Lord has helped me.
And I know that He will continue.

He is good. He does what is good.
You can trust Him.

-Gina

Hi. My Name is Gina and I am Insecure.

So for the last little bit of time God has been dealing with me in a very specific area.
I think I've tried to avoid this one for a while because I just didn't want to really get into it.
But if there is one thing you can count on, it's that "issues" don't just go away on their own.  :)
Ok, maybe yours do. Mine do not!
I've been super focused on some of the things that God has been saying in the last few weeks during my quiet times and it's been a repeating theme. That makes it easier for people who like to avoid things to really hone in.
What it has boiled down to for me is something that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember.
Insecurity
Ok, maybe two things - but they are tied.
Insecurity and rejection.
Um, ouch.

Long story short, in just this past week every book I've picked up to read; every Bible study lesson I've done; everything has pointed me back to my need to dig in and deal with this.

It's been obvious enough that I told my husband last night about how insane it was making me to even try to avoid it. :)
I believe my exact words were something to the tune of "if Pastor Gary preaches about insecurity tomorrow I'm going to lose my mind."

Guess what people?  :)
No, the entire sermon was not about insecurity. It was about hope.
But there was a section in there that was God-made for yours truly. It was obvious enough that I turned to Hubs and said "seriously??"
I get to be in both services... and the second sermon was pretty different. So I think the first service was all about God saying "Really... still trying to escape this huh?"

I'm pretty sure Pastor Gary doesn't read the blog. Most guys don't I think.
But I need to make sure he hears that God totally took over that one.
I think I'm blogging about this because I need to not avoid, or not try to avoid this one anymore.

I'm insecure in a few very key areas. And this is the year that I'm taking those things on.

So hold me to it? M, kay? :O)

-Gina