Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Who I am

How did it happen? Two weeks ago was Christmas 2005 or at least it seems that way.
So we're in the closing days of November and them whammo before I know it January will be here.
This has been a wild year. Somehow just when I think I have the hang of it, things change and I have to adapt again. God is definitely keeping me on my toes this year. If I were to name my year it would be the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Someday maybe I'll get into that a little more. Just be assured this year has seen some of my highest highs today, but also at least one of my lower lows.
The best thing that I can say about this year. I learned without any doubt that God is here for me personally. I have spent a lot of sleepless nights lately. And in one of them I spent hours contemplating the following statement.
God loves me as if I were the only person on earth.
People say that makes me unique. Ok... by the definition of unique that cannot be true. If He loves me, but He also loves all his other kiddos, how does that make me unique?
I think many of us (I can say I do for sure) stuggle with who we really are in Christ. I think it is what allows so many of us to struggle over our very salvation. It seems an impossibility. I compare the deep, dark, dusty places in my soul to the happy persona that you put on and meet me with. So in comparison I seem like a pretty low human being.
As I laid awake that night I saw a picture in my head. We're all standing together at the foot of the cross. I am suddenly seeing us all from His perspective. You know what? He isn't looking at the dark, dusty places that I so often inspect. The cross was right in the way. When my Father looks at me he does see the uniqueness that makes me Ginabob. But He sees it through a filter now that I have been redeemed. The deep, dark places are still there to struggle with, but they have been whitewashed by the blood of Jesus Christ!
Do you see how AMAZING that is?
I get to be quirky Gina. I get to be the girl who loves cartoons and stupid movies. I get to be the girl who struggles with my identity and fights a daily (hourly, minute by minute) battle with sin. Sometimes I get to be questioning, whiny, and angry Gina.
But best of all... I get to be Gina - uniquely loved by God.
Whew. That's a thought to sleep on.