Anger

If today was summed up in one word… and I was honest about that word… it would be anger. Hi, my name is Gina - I am angry.

Frankly I’m a little angry that I am angry. There are people with serious life-altering horrendous problems that put anything I can even come up with to complain about to shame.

But still my word for today is anger.

Somehow today has me feeling like Shempy’s Freak Circus passed me by - and I so shoulda hopped on board. Cause I just don’t belong here.

Some days I just feel like an imposter. Things should be better than this. I should be past this. I should be able to just put this aside. See the bigger problem is that I am not better than this emotion and I am SO no past it.

So tonight is a struggle. Tonight I think will end with tears. I gotta think that an honest cry out to God is just all a girl has (well that and blogging - how self-absorbed am I?) For some reason I benefit from reading when other people struggle. I guess maybe I think someone can benefit from this - OR that I can benefit from it later.

What led to this? Lots of things - change, no change, crazy people making today their day in my life, answers, no answers, and a lot of little stuff that has me baffled

I want to be able to pinpoint one thing. Because if I could do that, I would stop mentally blaming people who really have NO idea that they are on my list tonight! Maybe if I could check the “you are responsible” box I could let everyone else off the hook. Alas that ain’t happening.

So tonight - on the next to last day of the third month of 2009 - I am angry.

I really only have one place to go… so I go there now… and leave you with this:

Ephesians 6:12 (The Message)

A Fight to the Finish
And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.