I've stared at this white, blank screen for a while now.
Usually when I hit the blog I have somewhere to go and something to say.
Tonight I just know it's been a while... and I promised myself to update regularly.
So here we are: me, the keyboard, and the blank white screen.
A friend's status on facebook the other day was basically something to the point of 'not everyone who smiles on the outside is really smiling on the inside.'
It struck a chord for me and I've thought about that a lot since I read it.
Why? Because "happy" is usually my mask of choice. It's my default. It's my "go-to" emotional shield.
Happy is generally non-offensive.
Happy is acceptable just about everywhere.
Happy is fine, but the "happy mask" = not so much fine.
Life contains good, bad, and ugly. But so often as believers we tend to share the good... maybe even the bad... but the ugly goes right under and hides.
If anyone knew the "ugly" they wouldn't want to be around me. I'm the only person that struggles with _____ and if I share it I'll be ______. My "ugly" is just my problem and I have to deal with it.
Accept I've shared some of the "ugly" lately and you know the mask dropping got me? Other mask droppers along for the ride!!! One who, bless her encouraging heart, without even possibly knowing the chord she hit actually USED the term "drop my mask."
Hiding in your mask; not sharing yourself; letting secrecy win - all those things serve to make the "ugly" stronger. They serve to make your bond to it tighter.
The Christ that I know didn't save me for bondage. He saved me to live free. And I'm going to keep sharing, keep fighting and keep tattling on myself!
Why? Because I refuse to live with my "uglies" as a fact of life anymore.
Today was most definitely a struggle. But tomorrow offers a new slate and it's one that I am taking.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is progress.
Score one for today!