One of my favorite ways for God to speak is when something else entirely is going on and He presses on my heart.
If you're a believer you know exactly what I am talking about. You can be sitting and listening to a sermon on whatever and He just takes you somewhere else entirely.
It happened to me, so sweetly, last night in choir practice.
I've been struggling lately - that's not news to anyone - with all the change in my life. I crave change. I'm always up for God to move me somewhere else or change my situation, physically that is. When it comes to emotional/spiritual changes I can be less than enthusiastic (let's be honest right?!).
But I've been struggling because I have been asking for direct answers - God sized movements - CHANGE in my time - and it just isn't happening.
In reality I know that God's plans are better than mine. That's real information to me. It is not a theoretical thing. I know it like I know my name. His ways are better. His plans are always better. His choices for me are what I need.
But I fight it because sometimes I'm rebellious and just want what I want when I want it! And sometimes in fighting it I screw things up. Sometimes I screw things up enthusiastically and massively (it's an adverb/adjective night I'm thinking).
In the fight, when things inevitably self-destruct, I can get desperate to get back. Sometimes you doubt whether you can hear God at all anymore. Have I gone too far? Have I finally hit the mark where He cannot find me? I know these things will never be true. But desperation can speak loud and ugly lies!
Where was I?
Oh yes... I was in choir.
We had an incredible rehearsal last night. Our guest director (Dick Hill) was encouraging and such a blessing. But I was finally still and letting my heart take a break from my desperation so God chose to whisper. He never needs to shout when I hit desperation. A whisper always works at that point.
There it was - clear as day. You won't be disappointed if I don't detail it right? :O) I hope not... cause I'm not gonna.
Let's just say that He is clearly not done working and I am going to stop trying to give direction. I am going to stop listening to everyone else's good advice and wait for His Word to speak.
When I get down to the core of myself I realize that I want to trust His direction but there are so many competing voices. So many other people seem to know better.
I. Trust. Him.
He has never, ever let me down. I can trust that.