Friday, March 19, 2010

I'm Kinda Tired... Think I'll Go Home Now

I figure this is one of those posts that'll get me a call from my mother speaking about my Uncle Larry and implying (or just saying) that possibly I over-share.
Possibly... I do overshare.
I suppose my theory on this is that too many of us don't share enough!
I think more often than not we feel like the battles we face are just our battles.

I think it is in holding onto our struggles that they can gain their greatest power over us. More times than I can count in bible studies or over coffee (yeah I don't drink coffee really) a woman recounts a story to me while sobbing and the second that someone else (or ME) says "me too" the relief is palpable!

Well buckle in friends. Some of you are getting ready to say "ME TOO!" Maybe some of you are getting ready to say "Whatever?" And I hope the other four of you will at least say "hey I can pray for that!"

Know that for about two months I have attempted this little feat of blogging. While my struggle is obvious to the casual observer it is ironically still not easy to put in black and white. It is definitely not easy to put up on a blog even if it's for the possibility of accountability. There have been some people who have encouraged me to be transparent here (though they don't know it yet). Eric (real life friend) - Annie (person I blog-stalk :O) - and countless others.

If you clicked the links then you know where we are headed if you didn't already. If you don't have your clue yet then let me just get down to business.

My name is Gina.
And for more years that I can figure I've struggled with my weight. I'm not just an emotional over-eater. I'm a celebration-eater too. It's been with me in good times and bad; through sickness and health.
And right now - it's killing me.

I am not unaware of my weight. No chubby, fluffy, jolly, whatever person is. I am extremely conscious of it.
I always have been.
What I am aware of lately is my defensiveness of it and my acceptance of it.
That is what is unacceptable.

So here I am sitting in front of this monitor. Frankly teetering over the POST and Delete Keys.

But I'm done.

I'm done hiding and I'm ready to fight.

This is worth fighting for. I am worth fighting for.

Why the heck am I doing this here? Because I realized that I need a "me too" moment as well. I need that something that will link me to others that have done it.  And there are LOTS of you out there that have. Those are the people that will help me along this path. Maybe this blog world will help in that as well.

The temptation was there to wait until I had some type of success to just spill the beans. But no... I want you here with me from day one.  And this is seriously day one.  Ugly - gritty - tear-stained day one.

Turning around and headed home.
Join me?



Jeff said...

Just to share the moment with you and whoever else happens along, I have to admit that I caught myself nearly reduced to tears in Wal-Mart on Monday as I tried to shop for this "new diet" that I didn't really want to do. I know that part of it is the fact that I was very tired and all, but it was a weird feeling. Love you lil sister. I am with you and I am praying for you.

Gina said...

Love you B! I am SO proud of you for making these changes. I know it's not easy. And I know well the feeling of walking down aisles in frustration. But you will get the hang of it. We're in it together.
Love you big mister!

Anonymous said...

You'll be hard-pressed to find a bigger fan than me.

It's gonna be a bit of a fight. But it's one worth fighting.

I believe in you! I'm proud of you! Big step indeed...