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But I'm just plain old tired right now.
I have 15 class hours left. For those of you who've been out of school for a while, that is a semester and a half.
Yep. I graduate in March. Course it won't be official till March. Lot's can happen between then and now that would push the date back. We have Blessing Baskets and Acts 1:8 conference at work between here and there that may see me too comatose for class.
But I am so, so close.
The past couple of weeks have been tough.
There is so much that I want to say but don't feel like I can say.
Tonight after choir I sat in my car and just didn't want to come home.
I actually drove around for a bit not wanting to go home.
Not wanting to be alone.
Not wanting to be here with my thoughts, my challenges, my mountain of dishes, and my unfinished homework. Not wanting to be home by myself.
I saw a something yesterday on twitter that has stuck with me:
"Sometimes, when I look at the changes in people's lives on Facebook, I feel like God has forgotten me."
It is something that I have felt, but didn't ever put words to. Wondering those things seems off somehow. It seems like I am forgetting the blessings that God has given me. They are many! They are varied!
But sometimes, when I look at the changes in people's lives on Facebook, I too feel like God has forgotten me.
Maybe you're there. Maybe you're one of those people who has gotten things in life relatively easy. You married your high school sweetheart and had 3 precious children.
I know... your life is also far from perfect
You went straight out of college into your dream job and have never doubted your calling
Again - far from perfect
I heard someone say the other day that they were waiting on God for something and they had to wait like 6 WHOLE MONTHS for the answer. I seriously, wanted to slap them (don't spread that around m'kay)
Some of us are serial wait-ers. You married your sweetie, only to see that life crumble. You married the love of your life, but children didn't follow. You never quite landed that dream job... or any job for that matter. You've lived your life single, with no prospects of that changing. You've watched as 30, 40, 50 years have passed and realized your dream life was no longer a possibility.
Wait
Waiting
But what do we wait for? For some reason lately when I think of waiting I think of the verse in the NT about grief. 1 Thessalonians 4:13
The verse is talking about death but really it's talking about hope.
We do not grieve like those who have no hope.
I don't believe in hopeless. I believe that every situation can be redeemed either in this life or the next.
I don't DO, hopeless.
I don't grieve for lost situations, or opportunities or whatever... as those who have no hope.
What I DO is trust.
I trust that God is working. I trust His timing. I believe that ultimately not one hour of waiting is wasted time when God is working in your life.
He - is working when
We - are waiting
I guess that is all I wanted to say. Chose hope... even when things are at their darkest. Trust that He knows every second. The change you long for may be just around the next bend or the next 40 bends.
God knows. I trust Him.
I just don't believe in hopeless.
5 comments:
All I can say that is remotely understandable is that I, am right there with you. Serial waiting... (I'm going to borrow that!).
I needed to read this encouragement this morning. Big hugs to you!!!
I think we've all been there as Christians, wondering where God is and what He is doing, or not. When I was having a particularly dark time a friend said "Don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides." It is a simple but true statement. I have come back to it time and again. People only let others see what they want to show. Most people are going to only show their best. They don't want their deep, dark secret miseries displayed for the world.
Waiting is hard, but you can do it.
Lori
Wow, Gina, that is so deep...and so very accurate in describing how I feel. I am one of those people who thought I was living my dream life only to watch it crumble all around me. I have started over and discovered many wonderful things about God and about myself that I might have never known without the adversity I have endured. Waiting is hard; I know, I have done a lot of it, too. This walk is bittersweet.
Thanks for sharing.
"I don't DO hopeless, what I do is trust." I loved this. You and I may not be dealing with the same struggles but we both have a heavenly Father to turn to for our hope. I cling to that hope every day to get me through. Thank you for writing this today. It really encouraged me.
Thanks Jenn! I'm struggling SO hard right now, but I know God knows where I am and I have to trust that He has a plan to help me outta here.
Lori - I so needed that encouragement and reminder. I judge myself much more harshly than I judge others especially in this realm.
Debbie - Once again I am so thankful that God has put us in each others paths again. You bless me!
Charmae - Thank you girl. We can have hope!
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