Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Cupcakes that I Wish Weren't There

I do pretty good when people are around.
I was about to say "I don't know why that is" but I know EXACTLY why that is.
I always feel like people are judging my choices.
So when we're in the big room with everyone celebrating I can absolutely turn that yummy, frosting-heavy, cupcake away.
If, however, it sits in the fridge or on the counter afterward, it becomes a bit more difficult.
People sometimes joke about food talking to them.
Somehow it's true... there is an awareness that whatever it is: in this case - yummy, frosting-heavy cupcakes, still reside in their happy box in the fridge... not 50 feet away.

And my brain - especially on days like this - when stress pounds and my heart is hurt (will write about that later) - my brain wants to just down a freakin cupcake!

But today I'm not going to.

Today I am going to resist and pray that tomorrow and the day after I can as well.

When the cupcakes leave they are always replaced by something else. That is what it means to be obsessed with food. That is what it means to mentally, physically know that the food will, even just for a moment silence what hurts you. It's what it means to have an actual problem with food itself.

Yep. Today I'm facing my problem head on... but I'm not gonna lie to you... today that fight kinda sucks.

Hoping my peeps are all well.

Keep going!


Debbie said...

I am glad someone else can hear food talk. I hear that chocolate cake calling my name everytime I walk by the bakery. So now I know I am not crazy.. Like your post..

Jenn said...

I'm late on reading this post. Sweets don't speak to me, but chips and salsa? they scream my name.

I'm still struggling with food. I don't know if I've ever actually confessed that to another person, but I do.

You are not alone friend!