The Cupcakes that I Wish Weren't There

I do pretty good when people are around.
I was about to say "I don't know why that is" but I know EXACTLY why that is.
I always feel like people are judging my choices.
So when we're in the big room with everyone celebrating I can absolutely turn that yummy, frosting-heavy, cupcake away.
If, however, it sits in the fridge or on the counter afterward, it becomes a bit more difficult.
People sometimes joke about food talking to them.
Somehow it's true... there is an awareness that whatever it is: in this case - yummy, frosting-heavy cupcakes, still reside in their happy box in the fridge... not 50 feet away.

And my brain - especially on days like this - when stress pounds and my heart is hurt (will write about that later) - my brain wants to just down a freakin cupcake!

But today I'm not going to.

Today I am going to resist and pray that tomorrow and the day after I can as well.

When the cupcakes leave they are always replaced by something else. That is what it means to be obsessed with food. That is what it means to mentally, physically know that the food will, even just for a moment silence what hurts you. It's what it means to have an actual problem with food itself.

Yep. Today I'm facing my problem head on... but I'm not gonna lie to you... today that fight kinda sucks.

Hoping my peeps are all well.

Keep going!
-G

Thankful!

It's been a while since I've written on my "weighty" topics.  So I wanted to get some updates in.

I was reminded today by a sweet, sweet friend who is walking this weight loss road with me that even GOOD events can be stress in your life.

And these past few weeks have had some good stress.  :O)

Since I am typically a very emotional eater I have noticed one pretty drastic change in this last week.

I am fully here and feeling my emotions as they come and NOT eating through them.
And - I have survived that.

I am back on track this time - and I'm just believing that it's for good.
No stopping the momentum this time - no ma'am!

So here's my update on where I've asked to be held accountable.

Exercise - taking a little break while I adjust to some food changes
Food - Woot - On track
Food Tracking - Woot - On track!
Self - TV/PC off after 11 pm - Oh dang... um not so much.  Adjust.  :O)
Water - Woot - On track!

I am pretty much just in the groove again and doing great.
I'm at 17 lbs total lost since I started "The Fight" on my blog.
Yee-stinking-haw!

How are my peeps?

Have a great weekend!

-Gina

Eventful!

What a crazy few days it's been.
Let's start with the SO fun, fun news!

I got to be present at a friend's engagement. Her guy totally surprised all of us. A few of us had it figured out a little early... but at this point in the night we had no idea.

We did dinner together and then headed out for some letter boxing (which I had never heard of before).
Our future bride-to-be navigated for us.
We walked around this beautiful place (I have few pictures but pictures do exist!) and laughed and talked.
Then we finally hit the spot for the treasure.
David (groom to be) had Andrea navigating still and had prepared this fun poem and riddle. Then at the end of it it said to turn around to the one who is kneeling behind you.
Happy Couple:

SO stinking sweet.
What a great night!

Meanwhile we are all about to die from heat exhaustion (I kid... I kid...) so we followed up the sweet proposal with some sweets from Cold Stone.
All in all a super night.

So this morning I come into work to find out that my friend Tiffany has gone into labor.
Tiff and her husband David (could she look any more beautiful going into labor? - seriously disgusting!)

Little Molly Cate will be here any minute now and I cannot wait to kiss her little cheeks!

Could the week get any more exciting?!?!  I challenge it too... because what FUN.  :O)

Random

Because I can't quite seem to break this batch of writer's block, I figured I would just tell you some random things that I am thinking of tonight.

1. Fanta always makes me think of Ukraine because when you went to any restaurant instead of asking what you wanted to drink they would say "colafantasprite?"

2. Speaking of Ukraine, I was almost hit by a car there with my good friend Donna. It seriously crashed just FEET in front of us and right into a building.

3. I have broken the pinky toes on both of my feet. The left one I broke by kicking a table leg when I was in high school. The right one I broke by kicking the bottom of a weight set a few years back. It hurts - a lot. I was not angry either time. The last time I broke it the morning of a Razorback Game and I still walked all the way to Razorback Stadium and back on it. It hurt - a lot. :O)

4. I love being in plays and musicals. I just don't do it anymore because I don't have the time. But I still dream that I am in a play and haven't been prepared for it - don't know the lines and songs.

5. I was once walking beside my brother in a parking lot and I just tripped over my own feet and went down like a sack of potatoes. I am pretty sure he thought I had dropped dead. I fall - a lot.  :O)

6. I like playing the piano and singing in an almost perfectly dark church with just a piano light. It is soothing and worshipful and some of my best "me and God" moments were there.

7. My absolute favorite worship moment was at the Broadmoor hotel in Colorado Springs. I was by myself in this out of the way lobby playing on a grand. I started playing the Midnight Cry - "I hear the sound, of a mighty rushing wind." and a storm came over the mountain with wind that shook the windows of the hotel. It continued to howl the whole time I sang.

8. I write songs - music and lyrics but I stopped a few years ago. It is a silence in my heart that I continue to hope breaks soon.

9. My brother Jeff always called my future husband "Biff the Biblical Stud."  We had a name for his future wife, but I don't remember it, because he and Amelia got married before we had time to really use it much.

10. I hate mice. I once stepped on a mouse in the dark in my bare feet. It was NOT a good experience.

11. My hands shake for no reason that anyone can find. Which sometimes makes it difficult to hold a mic when I sing. Adrenaline makes it worse... which makes me look nervous a lot of times when I am not. I dislike this about myself very much.

12. Has anyone really read the other 11? Really? Ok. My house, car, and desk are a disaster area. Try as I might I have not found the secret to killing the clutter in my life.

13. I once was involved in a fight over a monopoly game that turned ugly enough we had to leave the house. All four of us still cannot agree. Well two of us agree. It's two against two actually.

14. I like cartoons more than any woman my age should.

15. I need to end this list on a multiple of 5. I don't know why. I just do.

-G'night!

Shh..

I have tried twice to write what's on my heart tonight and I just can't.
Maybe tomorrow?
Just wanted to check in and say that I'm still kicking.
I'm seriously just not giving up this time, no matter how much change truly scares me.
Prayers? Yeah... that'd be good about now.
-G

I Miss Me

So I've been absent for a little while.
You can always count on that as a sign that something is happening for good or bad... hmm... I guess that's usually bad because good stuff I always manage to make time for.
Let's not analyze that m'kay?

Once again I can say honestly, though there have been many stumbles, I am learning a LOT about myself.
It is this foundation that I hope I can start to build the healthy me on.

I'm 34, and still learning what makes me tick.  I hope that's normal?!  I don't care really if it is or not I guess, cause it's normal for me. :O)

Today for some reason I have been thinking about fearnessless.

Specifically I've been thinking about how fearless we start out in life.
When we are little we have to be told not to touch the hot oven, stick metal into electric sockets, or other random examples (you moms can fill in those blanks).

Those are good things to avoid, but somewhere along the way we get messages from life or wherever that let fear creep into us in other ways.

Fear that other people won't approve of us or like us.
Fear that you are just a big screw up (that's not just me right??).
Fear that something is fundamentally wrong with you.
Fear of snakes (totally valid FYI).
Fear of clowns (See above re validity).
Fear of not fitting in.

Fear.

I kinda hate it.

While I have battled with it in various forms throughout life, I have realized that I have just let it have its way in other areas.

And instead of dealing with it, I've been avoiding.
I have some super methods for avoiding things and avoiding feeling things.
And I am working on chipping those away.

I miss me. Lately I just think I've been too much in avoidance mode. And when I get there the fun Gina takes a back seat again.

I like fun Gina a bunch. There is a mix between serious Gina and fun Gina. There needs to be balance. But fun Gina has been off more than on for a bit.
We're inviting her back to the party.
I like things better that way.

How are my peeps?  Check in with me either e-mail or comments.  I like to know!

-Fun Gina