Monday, January 11, 2010

2010... Broken

Some things for the record...
I intend to write here a whole lot more often than I actually do.
Believe it or not - what you do here is the censored version of my thoughts. My mom implies often that I overshare a bit... but I figure I am what I am (gug, gug, gug, gug - ala Popeye) and there isn't any use hiding it.

I have some thoughts rolling through my brain tonight due to my, for lack of a better term for it, broken feeling lately. Now for those of you who are my PARENTS reading this... I don't want anyone hitting a panic button that somehow things are desperately not ok. No one can rush in and fix me but the One who always desires and works to fix me.

I just feel broken.
I posted on twitter the other day that I was feeling that way and I was desperate, running... broken.
I just keep coming back to that.
In my mind I think the broken comes out in a lot of ways. I'm broken over a lot of things in my life (sorry you 4... but details are for the journal, not the blog) but I will say habits... words... just me being a faulty human and coming face to face with it.
But in another sense -
Because life isn't where it was supposed to be here in 2010. If you would have asked me in my early twenties I was certain where I was headed. By now I should have graduated, be counseling for a living, be married, have kids, have written a book or two... it's a much longer list of the "shoulda beens."

I had this picture in my mind tonight of a huge pane of glass in front of me. I imagined I had taken a picture of that life I knew I would have and painted it on that glass. I could see myself on that beautiful glass wall painting with her MA in Counseling and MDiv. She has the perfect figure and beautiful house behind her with the perfect family... perfect life.
Then somehow that picture got smashed into hundreds of tiny bits laying all around me.
The life I knew I wanted... knew God promised... shattered.

Oh but wait - something else is happening here.
One by one the pieces of the broken life are being picked up and put into another frame. It's one that started a long time ago. It's got lots of broken pieces as markers. But the picture being put together is so much more that what I could have imagined. Each broken piece fits back together into a beautiful stained glass window, a picture that only a Master Artisan could have imagined.
Though it wasn't what I thought I wanted, the broken pieces will form the abundant life, the one I knew He promised all along.
So I am ok... with being.


george said...

Hey Gina, we are all broken, because God does all the putting together. That is why wwe are His children and why He takes such good care of us. The picture will continue to be broken until the final time, but if we continue to look through His eyes we will see the perfect picture and the perfect plan that can only come from Him, love dad

Jill said...

Love it. Love it. Love it.