Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Dreaded Binge

I let some time slide before I wrote about this. Mostly I did that because I wanted some perspective but I also didn't want to use it to condemn myself. I wanted to analyze what happened and see if I can make some mental and emotional connections for the how and why.

A week ago Monday - 8 days ago - I had my weigh in with measurements. I had lost 10 lbs total and 15 inches overall (legs, chest, hips, etc.). It was an incredible result that got me an "atta girl" from the consultant. I felt GREAT, for a bit.

On weigh in days (since I'm down there) I always get a chicken salad from Chick-Fil-A. It's close and easy to get and head back to work.

But for some reason after weigh-in that morning I instead struggled. And the ending choice from the struggle was a Sonic burger with fries. Lunch... Sonic.  Dinner... started with something (I actually can't remember what) and ended hours later with Dominos.
In the course of those two meals I hit my calories for DAYS.

The question I was left with at the end of it was why?
What could have caused me to mindlessly eat after all I've learned??

I actually have no idea! The psychologist in my wants to analyze the crud out of it. Am I sabotaging myself? Was there a trigger there that I missed?

At the time, and now days later, I still can't find it.
Which scares the crap out of me!
Part of this journey is changing habits but ALL of it is about changing me. How do I change something that I can't identify?

Things I do know:
You don't change overnight.
I got RIGHT back up on the "horse" the morning after such a terrible day.
I'm at 8 days now completely ON plan. FYI - a record for me. :O)
I don't have to understand. I just have to file this one away to watch out for in the future.
You don't change overnight.

Well there's your Tuesday info - maybe more than you wanted to know. But it's so important for me to put the good and bad out here. Because if you don't see both then I'm not really helping anyone, including myself.

We can do this!

-Gina

3 comments:

Eric Upton said...

Wow.

The sense of accomplishment requires a reward. It's easy to think that you can binge and recover. Every time I did that, the guilt the following days was brutal.

My thinking?

Been there, done that. You're right. Get back on the horse and don't analyze it to death. The more your focus on it, the more attention you give it. It doesn't deserve the time of day.

Have I told you that I'm proud of you yet?

I am...

Keep it up! It's so worth it...

~Uppie

Gina said...

Thanks Eric!
As always, I appreciate your encouragement and support. :O)
Gina

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