Rejoicing with those who rejoice

So it's been a while. I'm starting to wonder if I ever will blog again with out starting out with that phrase.
It's been a heck of a month. We've moved into a house of our own. Which means, we bought a house.  :)
Moving.
I'm so, so over it.
Anyhoo...
There has just been a lot happening here.
I really wish I could share some of what has been on my heart.
There are just some prayers that you have to leave between you and God. Sometimes those are the most painful, most personal and most important prayers of your life.
For those of you who are DYING for details (mother), sorry, it isn't happening.
I'm really ok. God and I are still walking. Al and I are awesome.
I'm just fighting through some of the "wait" answers to prayers that are anoying.
I hate waiting.
I know of no person alive who loves it.
But for people who hate it, we sure do a lot of it.
Right now my biggest struggle is to see others get there answers with a snap while I sit... and sit... and sit.
I know in my heart that the reality of that other person's life is not something I would want to trade for.
We all have that something that is off. We all have THAT thing in our lives.
It's the thing you think about when you wake up, all during the day, and right before you sleep.
It's always there. It's just the wait.
It's a struggle sometimes. Sometimes it seems like you have a handle on where you are.
Then BOOM.
It's a struggle to put your heart into rejoicing when other's get their answer.
It just is. I bet you're thinking I'm going to put a prayer bow on this huh?
Nope.
Tonight I have nothing.
No advice.
No wisdom.
Just the wait.
I know He hears. I know He has not forgotten. I've seen Him answer.
But I'm still waiting.

So I'll leave you with this song, which has been my companion in personal worship for a little while.

Waiting on God
-Gina

The Re-START

Tomorrow starts round two of the START Experience. We've just completed round one. I didn't get everything accomplished that I had set out to do, but I did get some clarity on what I should be doing. That may make no sense to anyone else. But it's big to me :O)

So for round two:
More consistency in my writing.
Sharing my writing.
Asking for some bold critiques. But I'm not a fan of being critiqued. (Who is?!)
Round two is coming on much as round one did. This is a busy time for me. We're closing on the house in just a little over two weeks. I'm having surgery in THREE days.
Yes.
There is a lot going on. 
But I keep asking myself this question: "When is there not a lot going on?"
Things are probably just going to get busier from this point on. So this is a good time to learn some time management skills and just suck it up!  /pep talk

Meanwhile, I keep praying for something very specific and unsharable. I keep believing that God is in control. I keep praying that He will just HURRY THE HECK UP.  but i try to be patient in the mean time....

In this moment, I am going to live like tomorrow is my answer day. For this moment I am going to walk forward in absolute faith that tomorrow is my day.  

Here's all my hope.

- Take that fear!

-Gina

The Fear in Hope

I mentioned that I am going through this 24 day challenge. The assignments so far have definitely been a challenge. :O)
As I've been walking through this new journey several things have happened that could easily sideline my dream and my START.
First up, and a big prayer request for you who read here, last weekend while coming home from Houston I had some major stomach pain. In the course of figuring out what to do and finally getting some relief, I discovered a little knot in my stomach. It's not near any of the surgery sites really. I thought hernia, but the doctor has looked at it and does not know exactly what it is except that it is an "abdominal mass."
So, I get to have surgery on the 14th to take the little thing out of there and get it checked out.
Prayers in the wait would be super. Oh, and prayers that it is just a wayward stitch or something equally benign.

Now that I have that news out of the way!

During even the first part of this journey I have hit upon a fear that I had not really examined before. I am calling it the fear in hope.
I think I am on the verge of some big, big things happening in my life. But I am terrified to hope for them.
It's an odd, nonsensical feeling really.
I want this to happen. I need this to happen.
But I am scared to really hope for it.
Why?
I think there are a few reasons.

Hope means that I am fully believing that this is going to happen.
    Which means "what if?
What if it doesn't happen?

Hope means that I really want things to change.
    But in many, many ways I adore the life I have NOW.
So do I really want things to change?

Hope fulfilled means that life, as I know it now, is going to be drastically different.
    What if I am not ready for that after all?
What if, what I think I want, is a trap? Or I am not cut out for it?

I was reminded (while writing some lyrics the other night), that most of life is lived in the "But if not."

I believe with all my heart that big changes are on my horizon. Things are about to get rolling that I could not have envisioned this time last year. Big. Things.

But if not, if things go haywire or not at all as I had planned....

If the worst thing imaginable happens instead, I still trust. I still hope for a future that God has specially prepared for me.
With all my planning and dreaming, what He has in store is infinately much better.

Even through the fear behind this hope, I trust that He is working this for my good.

What if what I had planned is only a doorway? What if what comes next is bigger than I am even capable of dreaming?

My future.
    His hands.
His plans.

I can rest there.

No.
Fear.

-Gina

STARTing over

Well, we seem to be back to once a month again. But I am determined not to fall back into that pattern.
There are exciting things happening in my world right now.
Al and I are looking to buy a house. We're currently smack dab in the middle of VBS week at church. We're doing the games. It's a hoot!
We just got back from Houston to see our friend Matt.
And there are probably a dozen other things I am forgetting.  :)
Personally, the biggest thing happening right now is a 24 day challenge "START" that I started on Monday.
It came from a challenge by Jon Acuff via twitter.
When we started we had no idea what we were getting into.
It's been very challenging and very encouraging. (I like to throw as many adverbs as I can in a sentence).
My "risk" for myself was to start writing music again and to actually share it with people. It's kind of a big hairy deal for me.  But I'm rolling with it.
Each day I am writing a little bit more. I'm hoping that encourages me to blog as well but time will tell.
Ok.  Now I need to go write people.
:O)
Happy Tuesday.
Make Wednesday awesome. You're worth it!
-Gina

A Year Later

So it's actually been a year as of June 12th.
I've been silent here the last month or two.
As usual, that was not intentional.  :)
One of the interesting things that happens when you share your struggles and journey is that people feel free to ask you questions. I really love that.
I love that people feel like they can ask me about what is happening on their journey. I love that I get to share about where I have been and where I am going.
Right now much of life seems about the numbers.
1 year since surgery.
10 months since saying "I Do"
6 months since finding a job I really love.
117 pounds of massive change that have revolutionized my life.
Things are so different now.
However the really nutty thing to me is how many things stay the same.
A friend once told me that all life is waiting for something else.
Wow, I have never realized how valid that was until lately.
This phase in life is more about waiting than any other phase in my life.
That seems insane to type out and read. But it is true.
I think one of the most dangerous phases occurs right after you have gotten something you have longed so much for in life.
It's almost distorting to everything else. I wish I could make that make sense a little more.
However that would mean sharing something that I am just not able to share right now.

Well on to something fun, like my before and after so far...
Night before my surgery, part of me truly hates this picture but I keep it as a reminder, and today! :O)

Happy Sunday everyone.
Make it a great day!
-Gina

Sounds Like a Case of the Mondays

Ok, so every two weeks blogging is better than once a month.
Right?
Good. Thanks for affirming my life choices.  :)
After much deliberation, I have decided to boycott Mondays.
Mondays.
Who needs em?

Now that that is out of the way let's get onto our topic at hand.

I don't actually have one.
That is all.

Just kidding (or April Fools if you like).

Right now life is super busy. I realize that it is only going to get busier from here.
Lately I seem to spend a lot of time remembering this time last year when I could barely get out of the house. I was knee-deep in wedding planning and having to rely on everyone else to get anything done.

I am so very thankful that God brought me through that season. I am also thankful for the many, many people who were the hands and feet of Jesus to me through those years.
I will never forget what I learned during those times of being completely dependent for some of the simplest things.

I think that is why my mindset, even after a crap-tastic Monday like today, is to be thankful.
I am thankful to have a job to go to.
I am thankful to have a husband to come home to.
I am thankful that even the overwhelming things will one day have an end.

No matter what situation you are in, things will change.
Great lives will go through tough times.
Those of you in tough times can cling to the promise that things will get better (I can't say when... but I can say "will").

So much of life is learning how to be joyful where you are.  Notice, I did not say happy. Happy comes and goes.
Joy is so much deeper.
I have found the secret. As great as things are right now, they are not perfect. There are some things happening right now that I would just like to move on past. But I don't have that choice.
I do have the choice to continue to walk through.
I have the choice to remember that God is faithful.
He is.
I trust that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
So Monday -  (insert that raspberry sound that you make with your mouth and tongue here).
Take that!
:O)
-Gina

Change In A Moment

I'm not sure why I'm on this track tonight. But I'm just going to go with it since I need a blog post... and here it is.  :O)
Life is fleeting.
It can change (snap your fingers) that fast.
Every second we make decisions.
Sometimes I think some of our biggest decisions come to us in a snap decision that we may not even process.
Obviously some of our bigger decisions are clearly big decisions.
But not all of them are that obvious.
Random? Possibly.
Confusing thought? Maybe

Here is why I mention the fleeting-ness and the randomness together.
You never know when you will be faced with a life altering moment or decision.
And, beyond that, you never know when this decision will be your last.
Now I'm not saying this to be fatalistic.
I myself hope to have about 60, or so, more ornery, fun-filled years ahead of me.
But what if I do not??

Tonight I want to determine in my heart and mind that I will take life as it comes.
I will be intentional about loving well.
I will be conscious of chances to reach out to the people who "do life" around me every day.
I will stay in God's word and "prayed up" so my decisions will match His heart as best as they can.
I will be intentional about loving... WELL.

No matter if you  have 4 hours, 4 days or 40 years left, today is a chance to touch someone's life. It may be in a large way like buying groceries (or paying rent) for that single mom you know. It may be in a smaller way like telling your neighbor (whose dog makes you INSANE) that you are praying for them.
Whatever you can do. You should do.
Don't waste a day my friends.
Be the change that we so desperately need in this world.
Live
-Gina

All That I Have To Say

I keep thinking of things that I want to update here... mostly on break/lunch at work.
But by the time I can actually post they are gone.
Maybe I should be taking a notebook around with me again.  :O)
In the meantime let's see what I can come up with to update you a little bit.
Things around me just seem a little strange lately. I'm having a lot of "is this really my life?" moments. I don't know how to explain them really. I had gotten so used to life as it was in the past.
I knew how to do life as it was.
Life, as it is now, is super good. But I don't know how to take it.
I think it is very probable that not a single person will understand that statement.
But it's where I am.
It hit me today while I was walking back to my desk at work. Life is just good. It's plain old good.
It's dang-near carefree.
And I really don't know how to handle that.
It's not that things are perfect.
On the contrary there are a few pretty big "God" things that I am praying on right now.
There are some situations happening right now that I need Him to move in. He has to step into them.
I've done everything that I can do and I literally would do harm trying anything else. These are situations where I must wait, watch, pray, and hope.
But those situations stem from an answered prayer that still blows me away.
It's true that our journey of faith involves steps that build upon each other. I am waiting with confidence today because of the answered prayers of yesterday.
Does that make the waiting easy?
I'd be lying if I said yes to that.  :O)
But does it make it easier... yes.
And that is something in itself.

Patiently (sometimes at least) Waiting
-Gina

100 Pounds in 7 months

Sorry I'm a bit delayed in getting this posted.  :)
I finally hit the 100 pounds lost mark on January 26th.
I'm actually 2 pounds lighter than that now.  Less than 25 to go until goal - which is insane to type!
I think this is going to be long. So I'll put the stuff you probably came to see up front. :)
But I also wanted to give some thoughts on where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually at this point in the journey.
First up - a few pictures!
This is my most recent picture. It was taken yesterday at a little get-together to meet my friend's newest little bundle Rowan (isn't he precious?).
This is the first picture I can remember in a long time where I didn't pick out a single thing I didn't like. I think it helps that my companion is so stinking cute!

Meanwhile we had an incredibly long day and I got to go through all of it pain free. Bonus!

These next few pics are  my official "100 Pounds Lost" pictures. They were taken by my friend Becky in the dressing room of a store that shall remain nameless here. I think I'm going to go back and get this blue dress the second it goes on sale and maybe the purple one too!

Trying on clothes is almost enjoyable again. This little shopping trip did net me some painful days. But now that I know carrying around clothes for that long can be a trigger to back pain, I'll just take along a pack mule... or a cart maybe. :)

So now that we have dispensed with some pictures let's chat a bit about what life is like.
Things are different. At 8 months (tomorrow!) post-op I can eat almost anything I want. I'm still following the rules pretty closely right now. But nothing is truly off limits. There are still some things that I know will make me sick but avoiding them is a good trade off for what I have gained!

Right now I'm starting to think about the changes that I want to make in my life to keep the weight off long term.  I think that probably will get itself a separate post sometime soon.

Unfortunately, due to my insurance lapse with the job situation, I missed my 6 month checkup with Dr. Roller. But I get insurance back very soon and his office will be my first call!
The key to the follow up visits is the support but also the lab work to see where my levels are right now. At my 3 months I was very deficient in some areas. I think things have changed for the better because the symptoms that went along with it are gone.

I still struggle with how I see myself. I've read a lot of other blogs and message boards and that seems to be common. I have no idea what size I actually am.
I struggle to go into the normal sizes section in the store. I actually have this sense that other women are looking at me and are like "shouldn't you be in the plus size section?" Which is insane. But it's where I am with my mindset.
The other day my friend handed me pants to try on. I didn't even look at them. Once I had them on she said "those,  my friend, are size 12. They fit perfectly.
I've never worn size 12 pants. Never, ever. When I started this whole deal my "go-to" pants were a size 26. From a 26 to a 12 in 7 months - unreal!

Emotionally there is also still a struggle right now. Food was my coping choice for a long, long time. Life without that immediate release is different. Finding new ways to deal has been a challenge for sure.

Well this got long fast. So I am going to stop here.
I'm going to do my best to not go another month in between posts and get back to at least once a week.

Shrinking,
-Gina

Ebenezer - Part Two

Almost three years ago I wrote this post: Ebenezer.  The verses mentioned from 1 Samuel were, and still are, very important to me. This verse is all about marking the moments when God has done something amazing in your life.

 - Thus far the Lord has helped us -

The past few years have been a bit traumatic and dramatic. Things have changed rapidly.
So many times during these last three years I have wondered what God could possibly be doing. I have cried. I have pleaded. I have begged. I have surrendered... then surrendered again.

Thus far the Lord has helped me.

After coming through, what I sure hope was, the roughest time in my life, I can say that God was there.

He was there even when I had my doubts. He was there when I could not feel Him.
He was there.

Thus far the Lord has helped me.

Could I doubt that He will continue?
Not really. Not after all that I have seen.

This picture was taken by my sweet friend Carol in church two Sunday mornings ago.
It's miraculous to me for a few reasons.
And that is why I feel that this moment here, that one in the picture up there, is an Ebenezer.

1 - I'm singing with my HUSBAND y'all. I'm seriously, actually married. After 36 YEARS of single, God blessed. And this man is so beyond what I could ever have hoped or prayed for.

2 - I'm in church and I pretty much can always count on getting to be there. For three years, that was not the case. Now I get to be a regular again! :O)

3 - I'm singing, in front of people. If you've followed me for long, you know that is a pretty big miracle too. I told God I would never, ever, ever do that!

Thus far the Lord has helped me.
And I know that He will continue.

He is good. He does what is good.
You can trust Him.

-Gina

Hi. My Name is Gina and I am Insecure.

So for the last little bit of time God has been dealing with me in a very specific area.
I think I've tried to avoid this one for a while because I just didn't want to really get into it.
But if there is one thing you can count on, it's that "issues" don't just go away on their own.  :)
Ok, maybe yours do. Mine do not!
I've been super focused on some of the things that God has been saying in the last few weeks during my quiet times and it's been a repeating theme. That makes it easier for people who like to avoid things to really hone in.
What it has boiled down to for me is something that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember.
Insecurity
Ok, maybe two things - but they are tied.
Insecurity and rejection.
Um, ouch.

Long story short, in just this past week every book I've picked up to read; every Bible study lesson I've done; everything has pointed me back to my need to dig in and deal with this.

It's been obvious enough that I told my husband last night about how insane it was making me to even try to avoid it. :)
I believe my exact words were something to the tune of "if Pastor Gary preaches about insecurity tomorrow I'm going to lose my mind."

Guess what people?  :)
No, the entire sermon was not about insecurity. It was about hope.
But there was a section in there that was God-made for yours truly. It was obvious enough that I turned to Hubs and said "seriously??"
I get to be in both services... and the second sermon was pretty different. So I think the first service was all about God saying "Really... still trying to escape this huh?"

I'm pretty sure Pastor Gary doesn't read the blog. Most guys don't I think.
But I need to make sure he hears that God totally took over that one.
I think I'm blogging about this because I need to not avoid, or not try to avoid this one anymore.

I'm insecure in a few very key areas. And this is the year that I'm taking those things on.

So hold me to it? M, kay? :O)

-Gina

Release - The Sequel

So I have been a lot of journal re-reading lately. It's another one of those things that I tend to do around the new year. But this year it seems like I have gone back several times.
Just a few weeks ago I found a passage that dealt with a specific issue that I have always struggled with.
It's not important what it is specifically. We all have "that" area. It's the one thing that seems to follow us through our Christian life.
Years earlier I was at a women's conference where the speaker took Isaiah 61 and talked about it.
So much of what she said resonated with me.
But something else was happening too.
Have you ever had one of those "you and God" moments where the pastor or speaker or worship leader is talking but the Holy Spirit is clearly speaking something else to your heart?
That was this moment for me.
In my Bible at the time (which I cannot find right now... argh moving...) I wrote out what God was speaking into my heart.
It was so huge.
But there are two promises that still resonate with me. 
And I don't have to have those words to look at to remember what they were.

Release -  I knew so clearly at the time that my struggles could help other people. It's one of the reasons that I have always tried to be so open with whatever I am dealing with. I'm such a believer in learning from other people's mistakes as a way to avoid pain. And if my pain can spare you pain, I'm ALL about that. Isaiah 61:1 talks about being anointed to release prisoners from darkness. There are so many things that bind people in this world. You may not share my particular struggles but I know you have your own. God wants our freedom for us more than we want it. He desires for you to walk with Him so closely that chains could never hold you.
Release

The other promise was that I would be married some day. In big letters at the end of Isaiah 61 I wrote BRIDE. At the time, there was no man in sight. But I just knew it was a promise for me. Now I am not saying I never doubted that. There have been lots of "God help my unbelief" prayers in the time since. But sitting on the other side of that promise I am now looking at the other things that I learned that day in a new light.

So I got a little off track here to say this: my word for 2013 is release. I believe that this year will see myself and my family released from some things that have stood for way too long in our lives.
He is able.
This is the year of the Lord's favor.

Release
-Gina

Release

One of the hardest lessons to learn for some reason is that life is not about me.

We are often so “me” focused that we lose sight of that fact.

Or maybe that’s just me.  :O)

It’s a brand new year today.

Turning the calendar page over to 1/1 always brings new perspective for me.

I always end up evaluating the year that has passed.

I want to make sure that I have learned something so I don’t repeat the mistakes of the past.

2012 was a roller coaster. If you’ve been here with me for any time at all you know that quite well.

If you are just starting here for some reason, you might want to read a bit and catch up on my journey this year.

For many years I have not done a new year’s resolution. They pretty much never last anyways and have seemed pointless to me for a while.

But for about the last ten years I have named my year.

That may seem rather odd to some of you. The last couple of years I have seen others do it as well so I think it’s catching on.

It’s cleaner somehow. It seems to narrow my focus on what I want the next year to bring.

Many years my word has been my hope for the future (hope was one year all by itself…).

Last year was “healing.” It certainly lived up to its name, though I had to be broken a few times to find it.

2013’s word is “release” and it scares the fire out of me.

As with many prior years, it came to me as a shock and then was confirmed pretty quickly. I think that way I can’t talk myself out of it. :O)

In this case I honestly thought that it didn’t make sense until I found it as a prayer a few years back in my journal.

There was a prayer in which I specifically asked for release and it seemed so clear to me that this was the year for that to be answered.

But it’s scary.

I think that may not make sense from the outside. Being released from something is a good thing in these terms.

But if my year of healing taught me anything, it was that often good things come through painful things.

I'm guessing I'll come back and say more about this.

But for right now, I just want to say "Happy New Year."

Praying that 2013 is incredible for all of us.

-Gina

Christmas Is Here

Christmas is typically my favorite time of year. I love the lights. I love the tree. I love the movies. I love the carols.
I love the Reason for this season.
This year I've had a tough time getting into the groove of things.
It really didn't hit me until this morning when we were singing in church.
I got this sudden 'goosebumps' feeling and it hit me like a wave.
It's Christmas.
I've been so focused on everything that needed to be done. There were so many presents to be bought. I needed to decorate. I needed to make this the best Christmas ever. I needed the perfect Christmas picture.

Perfect. In a year that was not.

2012 has been a roller coaster year. It seems like one thing after another has happened. Three surgeries - countless er visits - deaths - loss - pain - change.
There have been more tears shed in this year than in any year I can remember (by me at least).

But it is also the year that the second greatest moment of my life occurred. Second only to my salvation, is my wedding to Al.
How do you fully caption a year that has included such great joy in the midst of so many trials?

Joy.

My pastor described it so well this morning. Anyone can find happiness. Temporary things bring lots of happiness. But there is something that is so much further beyond that.

Joy.

And this year I found a depth of joy that I did not know existed. It's the joy that can only really been felt and understood in the midst of pain.

Joy that is unexplainable.

This year, as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, I will remember 2012 for all that it has held.
And I will remember the joy that I have discovered.

Oh - and I am pretty sure I have settled on my One Word for 2013. I'm both excited and nervous about it.  :)  Expect to be hearing about that soon.

Merry Christmas to you all.
Be loved.
Find joy.

Luke 2

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.)  And everyone went to their own town to register.

 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.  He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
-Gina

Does God See? Does God Hear?

Ever go through one of those phases where you are just not sure that He is paying attention?
Surely if He was paying attention these things would not be happening?
There are some situations that persist for so long that we cannot help but wonder.
I think about the people who lived in the 400 years between the Old Testament and the New Testament.
After thousands of years of God speaking, represented by the OT, God was silent.

Can you imagine?
Can you imagine 400 years of waiting silence while Heaven anticipated and Earth groaned?
400 years passed without a hopeful message. 400 years passed with only the hope that Isaiah was right and a Messiah would come. 400 years of sacrifices, deaths, births, and life.

4 Hundred Years.

It seems hopeless. It had to seem hopeless at the time.

Looking back we know that something so great was about to happen. But those living in the silence had no idea.

Think about day 399. Hope was coming. But day 399 had to be just as hopeless as day 20 or 268.
Can you imagine?

Then Hope came. It didn't come as many expected. The Messiah didn't ride into Bethlehem on a big white charger.
He came via a teenage girl in a stable.

My point?
You may be on day 268. But you may be on day 399.
Do not give up hope.
Hope is always worth it. It may seem painful. But it is worth it.
When He comes, it will definitely be worth it.

Live in hope. Live today and tomorrow like it is day 399.
Oh - and don't be surprised if what you've been waiting for comes in an unexpected package. :O)

-Gina

A Post That is Not my 6 Month Surgery Post...

So I really wanted to do a 6 month post on how things have been going since surgery.
But I'm having one of those "difficult to process" mental weeks.  So I think I shall come back next week with my update and some pictures.
In the meantime, let's do a list.  :O)

0 - The number of times that I can look at a can of Pringles without eating at least one.
1 - (:00 am)The number on the clock when I finally laid down to sleep this morning.
2 - Number of times that I hit "snooze" this morning before my Dad called and woke me up.
3 - Number of fun people who ate lunch with me today (Dad, Gem, Kristy)
4 - Number of times that I considered exercising tonight before opting to look at tax forms.
5 - Number of times that I considered burning said tax forms.  :O)
6 - First number on our thermostat (64 degrees currently)
7 - Days in this week... even though it feels more like 14
8 - Number of numbers that it took before the word "number" started looking weird. :o)
9 - First number of total weight loss at 6 months out 93 pounds (WOOT!)
10 - Number of times I will probably look at this post for typos and stupid things being said and still manage to miss something.

Night folks.
Happy Friday-eve!!

-Gina

Listening in the Silence

This morning was a powerful morning for me in church.
So many of you have walked with me through a journey of obedience from way back.
I can sing. I love to sing. My most powerful worship moments have almost always been either leading in worship or private worship with the piano.

Ok - that's maybe a bit off topic here but important to note.  :O)
I got the privilege to help lead worship this morning at my new church. It's a huge deal for me in so many ways. If you've "done life" with me for long you understand that. If you haven't... well it's a long story.
Anyhoo - also off my topic a little bit there.

I love being a part of a worship team. It was never something I saw for myself because of my issues with being up in front of people. But it is something I have worked hard to overcome and be obedient when the chance is put before me.

This morning was one of those mornings when God very clearly and distinctly spoke something straight to me that I would have missed if I hadn't been in just that place.
Then tonight in youth it was confirmed to me again. I love it when God repeats Himself for those of us who are slow. :)

One of my all-time favorite passages in the Bible is in 1 Kings 19:11-12 (HCSB)

Then He said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the Lord’s presence.”
At that moment, the Lord passed by. A great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and was shattering cliffs before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper.

So often in life, the challenge to hearing God's voice is to be truly quiet. Have you noticed how much noise surrounds us in this world? There seem to be fewer and fewer places that we can count on for solitude. Most often, we have to really seek a quiet place to find one.

The problem is that God rarely screams at us through the mighty wind and fire. He does that sometimes... but that's a whole other story. :O)
Usually we have to wade through those things to hear the soft whisper of His Spirit.

This morning, in the midst of my own whirlwind, there was a soft whisper.

It was a gentle reminder that I can trust Him. It was a firm promise that He is still working. It was an assurance that, in giving over a troubling situation to His control, I can also give over the thought that I can still control it.

And it was smack in the middle of something I could easily have missed if I was not paying attention.

I am thankful for the places that God has put me at this stage in my life.

If I am being honest, and I'm a fan of that, most of these situations are not what I would have chosen if you had asked me 10 years ago.

But I am so very thankful that God directs us to places that will make us into who He wants us to be and doesn't leave us in places that would just make us happy or comfortable all the time.

Listening
-Gina

Things To Remember - Christmas Edition

So Al and I have spent several Christmases together but this will be our first Christmas together as a married couple.
When we got married our friend Joel got us these sweet little frog ornaments that are a bride and groom.
I could not wait to put them on the tree.
Our poor tree is a little tipsy. Every time I try to move it, or just because it feels like it, it starts to lean.
The other day I noticed that our frog bride has shifted as well. 
This is what she is now doing:

Isn't she cute? I love the way she just seems to be gazing at her man.  :0)

Tonight it made me think of how the way we see the people we love can shift.  When you first meet your "person" it's almost like they can do no wrong. You've got love blinders on. "Oh he smacks when he chews his food... isn't that cute?" But years later it can turn into homicidal thoughts. "Can't he close his mouth?"  :)

I've been reading this great book called "Love & War." One of the points that they make several times is that we can chose what we react to in our marriage. So he can't seem to get his socks in the hamper. So she can't seem to wipe the toothpaste out of the sink. These are only big issues if we make them big issues.
If we are in this together, if we are in this for life, then we will not major on the minor things in any of our relationships.

As for me, I hope I always remember to gaze at  my man with love in my eyes. He's a stud. I know realistically that there will be times when that is more of a choice than a feeling.
So when  that happens I want to make sure that I remember the right choice.

-Gina

PS - thanks so much for those of you who have been praying for a job for me. I have one in the pipes now that I should start next week.  Keep praying for my brother, Gem, and so many others who need to find that same thing.

I'm Outta Control

Well we all know that I have spent the last few months trying to find a job right?
You want to know what kind of situations drive a control freak absolutely insane?

If you guessed "not being in control," you are absolutely correct.
Last night I mentioned to the husband that I felt like "waiting" was my lifelong topic.

I really think the main reason for that is because God knows the lesson that I will most likely always have some element of struggle with.

Waiting.

I spent a bit of time tonight wondering why that might be.
Why does the mountain I keep circling in my wilderness experiences always seem to have "Waiting" etched in stone on it?

I believe it is because waiting on others to do something causes me to realize my lack of control in the situation.

That's not just one situation in my life friends. That includes multiple situations.

Will they hire me? Not in my control.
Will I ever get married? Not in my control. I did FYI... but this was on my waiting list for many years!
Will I ever be a mother? Not entirely in my control.
Will I ever be fully healed? Not in my control.
Will I ever _____ (insert new waiting situation here)? Not. In. My. Control.

It's enough to make the control freak in me insane.
But I think I may be (I will not say this next sentence definitively... I know better) getting the hang of this lesson.

Proverbs 16:9
A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.

I don't determine what happens next in these situations. But I am intimately involved with the One who does. 

Most importantly though, I can trust Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths

And you can trust Him too.

Trusting and Waiting
-Gina

Dancing like Shaun the Sheep

So last night Al and I had the chance to have dinner and go to a concert with our sweet friends Rex and Becky.  Couple friends - who just happened to have been instrumental in Al and I meeting and dating. 
What a blessing to have couple friends!
But I am getting off of my topic.
Wait what was I talking about?
Oh yes, nothing yet.  :O)
Yesterday as I was getting ready I realized that it was the first time in this whole journey that I physically saw a major difference in myself.
Honestly after almost 6 months it is a little frustrating to not "see" these things for myself.
So I found it really encouraging that there was a "wow" moment for me last night.
There are a lot of things that I want to make sure I share here because they are shared moments that I see in reading other WLS blogs or checking message boards.
One big one that seems to be common is the inability to see these changes even when they are so dramatic to other people.
I think a big part of that is because we see ourselves in the mirror every day. Also the people who are around us every day - work, home, etc. are in the same boat in some respects because they see us every day.
But when you take a picture like this one:

And put it next to a picture like this one:

You really can't help but do a little happy dance.
Insert mental picture of Gina's Shaun the Sheep happy dance... here let me help you:

I'm going to try to be a little nicer to myself this week. I'm going to try to get some exercising back in my regimen.
Hopefully when I wake up in the morning that magical 1 lb will be gone and I'll finally be able to say I've lost 90 pounds instead of 89.

Also - hoping also to have a job soon.
I sure thing a schedule would help things greatly.  :O)
Anyhoo...
That's all I wanted to say really.
Plus wanted to show off a little teeny bit.

-Gina