In Which She Realizes it is Tuesday... not Monday

Summer is fast approaching, which means lots of work in the mission ministry. It is great. We get to work with new folks (interns which I usually call minions). We get to get out into the community more. Lots of things happen in ministry during the summer.

This year we have a neat opportunity with two adult interns instead of college students. I have loved every summer with our students. This is just a totally new deal. It will be interesting to see what God does.

First up is our big Kidapalooza Festival.

Wait - getting off my topic at hand. Yesterday, aka, Monday passed harmlessly for a Monday. I suppose that should have been my first clue today would be "special."

Today was not a bad day. It was just a weird day complete with a dreaded doctor's appointment that offered me so-so news, kinda cruddy news, and sarcasm. Good times! :OP

Anyhoo - thought I would take this day to update and say howdy. All things good come to those who wait. Those who wait patiently may not get things faster, but they do seem happier in the mean time.

That's my advice for the day.

Oh - that and the fact that it is Tuesday, not Monday. Let that be a lesson for you. Unless it's tomorrow - then it is Wednesday... don't get confused!

Compassion

I've been inspired lately by the Compassion Blogger trip to India.
I have been a compassion sponsor for years. Long enough now that I cannot actually remember when I started.
I do, remember the moment when I first saw Grace. :)

For years I have been saying something to the effect of "God's going to call me to Tanzania." It started when I was 16 and first felt God's call to mission work. I just knew Tanzania was special, way before I had any clue where it was.

So a few years back I was sitting in a Compassion concert locally. Somewhere in the concert they passed out the folios that have compassion kids that needed a sponsor. I raised my hand and was given a "random" child.

Grace - from Tanzania. If I'd had any doubts about sponsoring, it left me that second.

I love Compassion because I get to watch Grace grow. I get letters with drawings, pictures and updates. I have seen her family.

If you have ever thought about this, or maybe haven't thought about it, I encourage you to go for it.

$32 a month makes a huge difference for these children AND their families.

I promise you will not be the same.

Grace and her grandma

In Which the Clock Stands Still

Yeah... so life right? Crazy...

I think today it's best to just make a list. I'm all about lists. Like many of my borderline OCD friends I love, love, love checking things OFF of lists. I also love things in three's, but that is off topic.

I call myself a frustrated perfectionist. I know that I can't get things where I want them so I give up. :) The end result is a mess.

Lately that seems to be life - messy.

It's ironic to me, because things are pretty good. I finally graduated with my BS in Psychology. I'm about 2/3 of the way through my Master of Divinity. My apartment (other than puddles the wonderdog and the person who always parks inches from my driver's side door) is a cozy little place of happiness.

I'm almost at 9 months of dating a great guy who is Godly, wise, witty, and cute (:OP). <---- should have gone for all "w's" huh?

Things are good. Things are actually really good.

So why in the world would I say things are messy? Cause they are!

I told you that I am a frustrated perfectionist. Life is tough for those of us who need things perfect. I like order. I like knowing that things are happening on schedule, my schedule that is!

Life is just not on my schedule these days.

Over the last year I decided to talk God into my timetable on a few things. I have my list you know, and things are not being checked off of it promptly.

The more list checking (or non-checking off) I did, the more frustrated I became.

Frustration leads to some ugly cycles. The more out of control we feel, the more we try to control. Surely there is something I can take on. God doesn't want it all right? Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Sheesh!

I'd like to proclaim today my official "hands off" day. I want to say that I am throwing my little lists away and letting go... letting God. I just know me a little bit better than that. :O)

What I will say is that I am going to dig in a little harder. Not my heels digging in while I try to get what I want. As much as I know that I cannot control, I also know that I can't even stop trying to control without His help.

So it's me and Him, together, taking on my mess.

Ahh life... crazy right?

-G

In Which She Waxed Poetic on Mother's Day

It's funny how you can be genuinely happy in one sense and sad at the same time about the exact same thing.
Mother's Day is one of those days. Once you start hitting certain numbers birthday wise you get a bit sentimental about milestones. I guess it is partly because we tend to gauge our lives by the people around us.

One couple gets married right out of high school or college; starts having kiddos; buys a house and settles in for life.

One couple gets married quickly after school and tries for ten years to have children. When God provides, it isn't the way they expected. But their little bundle of joy adds something priceless to their lives and his/hers.

A young person hears the call to go into mission for God in a far-off land. He knows this most likely means he will not marry, but goes in obedience.

A older person never hears the call to remain single, but never hears the call to marry. So she waits.

And there are so many stages in between.

As I faced yesterday I could not help measuring life in those around. We're all in stages aren't we?

Some are waiting for their life to begin - graduations are all over the place this month.

Some are waiting on new life to begin - pregnancies and new little ones abound these days.

There are engagements and possible engagements. There are those who are waiting on God with hope and those who wait with no hope. There are regrets over lost moments and moments taken in haste. There is divorce, death, uncertainty, loss... so many stages.

Yep. There are a lot of stages.

When yesterday came it caught me entirely by surprise. I think I am a good "waiter."
32 years old and single you get used to asking, expecting and waiting for God. I know its not a single-only deal. But it seems like that particular pool of people is much larger these days. So it stands to reason that the numbers are not in the favor of the "every pot has a lid" camp.

Not everyone who desires marriage will get it. Not everyone who desires to have children will. Not everyone who prays desperately for their marriage to hold together or their child to live will see the answer as they hoped.

Whew - depressing huh?

Well since we know my word for 2009 is JOY you know I'm not leaving us there right?

Back to yesterday... I couldn't face it. Cause I'm all about gut-wrenching transparency these days I will be the first to stand up and admit that baby dedication was not where I could be yesterday. I did try. I really did.

Honestly I can say that I am THRILLED beyond belief for the answers I see around me. One friend tried for so long to have a baby with miscarriage after miscarriage, but God provided this past year with an adorable little answered prayer. One friend waited for the hubby and the baby and this was her year to.

I see it. It gives me hope. That is true. We're called to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Each of those times have their easy times and hard times.

I try to never be about feeling sorry for myself. It just does no good. It's time wasted but it's tough to avoid sometimes. Sometimes you are willing to hand things over to God.

Sometimes you grip those dreams hard - death grip hard.

Have you ever held something in your hand, with all your might for a long time?

It doesn't take long when you grip something like that for your hand to start to weaken. So you grip harder and it becomes even harder and harder to hold on to.

If you made it to the end of this post, perhaps it is because you are a gripper. You are desperately holding on to something that you want. While in reality the harder you grip the less of a hold you have.

My suggestion isn't to give up your dream. God is all about dreams. He is all about hope.

Mostly - He is all about you holding on to Him. So is your dream taking His place? Does it have a life of its own? Where are your thoughts? Are they on Him or on the thing/person/place/status that you just have to have?

Just a priority check because when God hits me with a 2 x 4 I like to at least try to spare someone the headache.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

-Gina

Talking on Elevators

I don't know when I started this little habit I am about to confess. If I could trace it back it might make sense.

I talk to myself on elevators. Since I cannot walk stairs much (ouchie knee) and work on the second floor, I talk to myself in our particular elevator several times a day/week. I have come to the recent revelation that you can clearly hear conversations in our elevator while waiting for it to come down/up. Which leaves me wondering which of my self amusing, chuckling, strange-singing moments have been the amusement of others. Would you tell me if you heard me conversing on the way up /down? Just this week I have had:
1. A hysterical bag incident that left me howling in laughter down into someone else's office (that one I HAD to explain).
2. Two incidences of me singing "In a Little While" - remember that Amy Grant song?
3. Pizza/leftover counting on my way down the elevator... Tuesday is Weight Watcher's night at FBCS... chubby people really hate walking past weight watcher's meetings. It's like "yeah - I could be one of you, but I choose not to - I have food in my hands because I didn't eat all of my grande quesadilla from lunch... so THERE" FYI - told you I was strange.

And yep - it's just Tuesday. :O)

Being just a bit off mentally I also had the thought of messing with people using this knowledge, but I think I already have a reputation for odd so I am going to skip it.

Why do I share this with you?

No idea - just amused me tonight.

:O)

A Year or So Ago

A year ago or so I stood and looked at a rock structure. It clearly looked like a skull. It seemed such a far away place until that day - Golgotha, the place of the skull. Our guide explained that crucifixion didn't really take place on a hill. That wasn't the style of the Romans. The people they killed were to be an example so they hung on a roadway. Everyone who passed the skull hill, and the three men hanging in front of it, would have been close to eye level with the condemned. So all those passing by Jesus in the hours He hung dying most likely spit on Him while looking Him right in the eyes. For hours the Son of God hung, dying, bleeding, suffering, and sacrificing.

A year ago or so I walked through a garden.I wasn't really sure how far... but it wasn't far. There was a hole - just barely big enough to get one person through at a time. There was a garden. Then there was a tomb. (Jn 19:41)

A year ago or so I walked into a tomb, an unfinished tomb in a garden. It was just around the corner from the rock hill that looks just like a skull. In that tomb in a garden was the most beautiful nothing I have ever seen. What I looked on that day a year ago or so was the tomb where Jesus laid. I say laid because clearly there was no one there. That tomb really is empty.

A year ago or so I sat in a garden overwhelmed. It wasn't until days later that it hit me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw one thing - white stone - tomb - nothing. Burned onto my memory is that nothing. He is not there. He is not there. It was like I just couldn't stop thinking it. He is not there. He is not there.

A year later I sat and read the accounts of those who were in the garden on the first day of that beautiful sight of nothing. He was not there.

Again in my mind today is that tomb. So I wanted to share it with you.

He is not here - He IS RISEN!

A Word on Calling

I’ve wondered often and loudly about where God has me heading. I knew that finishing the undergrad was a priority, but I always felt that it was so I could be a Journeyman and head overseas. Then graduation came and it was clear that the timing was off to go overseas. By this time I was working at the church in a great job surrounded by great people. After a lot of prayer I applied to get my Master of Divinity at Liberty Seminary. The questions began immediately. What are you planning on doing when you got out of school?

I have probably another good year of school left and I still don’t have a concrete answer to that question. I’ve learned a lot from both the BS in Psychology and the MDiv courses. But do they qualify me to do anything useful in society? That I cannot answer. Tonight I have some interesting questions rolling around in my head that have no answers. A wise person once told me that sometimes your passion is what God has called you to do. We always look for something hard, like God would only call us to something that we hate. Could it be that He does call us to something that is beyond ourselves, but is something that we also love? I think so.

Prayerfully I begin the process this week of sending out some things to get published. I love writing and in the course of just a week I have had three people tell me how encouraged they are by my writing. I’ve written for a long time. I even used to write a daily e-mail devotional. I always received encouragement. Still so little of what I have written over the years is online. I guess I can’t help but feel the need to get more of it out here and maybe in print somewhere. Could it be that this passion is my calling? I don’t know. But I am going for it.

To those of you who have encouraged me lately I want to let you know that God has used you to be a part of this decision. I may fall absolutely flat! It really scares me. But I am going for it!

So Good

God is so faithful... and for that, and much more, I am thankful.

Anger

If today was summed up in one word… and I was honest about that word… it would be anger. Hi, my name is Gina - I am angry.

Frankly I’m a little angry that I am angry. There are people with serious life-altering horrendous problems that put anything I can even come up with to complain about to shame.

But still my word for today is anger.

Somehow today has me feeling like Shempy’s Freak Circus passed me by - and I so shoulda hopped on board. Cause I just don’t belong here.

Some days I just feel like an imposter. Things should be better than this. I should be past this. I should be able to just put this aside. See the bigger problem is that I am not better than this emotion and I am SO no past it.

So tonight is a struggle. Tonight I think will end with tears. I gotta think that an honest cry out to God is just all a girl has (well that and blogging - how self-absorbed am I?) For some reason I benefit from reading when other people struggle. I guess maybe I think someone can benefit from this - OR that I can benefit from it later.

What led to this? Lots of things - change, no change, crazy people making today their day in my life, answers, no answers, and a lot of little stuff that has me baffled

I want to be able to pinpoint one thing. Because if I could do that, I would stop mentally blaming people who really have NO idea that they are on my list tonight! Maybe if I could check the “you are responsible” box I could let everyone else off the hook. Alas that ain’t happening.

So tonight - on the next to last day of the third month of 2009 - I am angry.

I really only have one place to go… so I go there now… and leave you with this:

Ephesians 6:12 (The Message)

A Fight to the Finish
And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

For my three loyal readers...

I just felt like there needed to be something new here. So... I ramble on!
Spring seems to be here definitively this time. I am ready I suppose - my allergies are NOT!

Something about spring always sets me in a chipper mood. Today I was almost obnoxiously walking the halls singing Zipadee Doda! :) I think it is the end to the bleakness that always defines winter.

But today it dawned on me that Spring, more than any other season, is about new beginnings. It is new birth from death. How appropriate is that for Easter to fall in Spring?!

Unlike many, many people I am a fan of change. I say that a lot but lately am realizing that I am a fan of MY change, not necessarily other's changes. I love spring because you get to see the old dead trees turn to pretty new buds. It's fresh, new, and alive.

I guess that is how I feel tonight. I feel fresh and new. God is so gracious to work with us through our winters. Some of them are so long that they seem never ending. But spring is always just around the corner. And I am in spring. This year has already seen some incredible changes in my life and in me personally. Change is good! I cannot wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter.

God is good. What a blessing to never be stuck in any one season for more than He has designed - that is in nature and in life!

G

Reasons I'm thankful to be living in 2009

So lately, with all the doom and gloom stuff we are surrounded with, I've been finding myself wondering what it would have been like to live in the past.

Frankly - LOST's little time traveling antics helped me along on this.

Over my life I've often thought that I should have lived in a different time. I just don't "get" the world we live in in so many different ways. The thought lately has been that we are possibly getting ready to experience a different time due to economic downturn... crazy disaster... mutant ninjas taking over. You know, the usual things!

So here are some things that I am thankful for that I would NOT have had in 1940.

Facebook - WOO!
E-mail
Cell Phone
Hulu
Most likely - not my own apartment
Most likely - not be getting my MDiv
The ability to see my brother in the frozen north in just a few hours travel.
The ability to see my brother and fam digitally on a web cam
The ability to make a quick little drive down the hill to see my other brother, mom/dad, and rest of the fam.
My laptop and the world it brings here to me

Well there is a short and mostly geeky tip of the iceberg.
The talk I keep having is my little Pollyanna "it's going to be ok" speech. I know a lot of people think it's crazy but I am determined to believe it. Even if the world goes to pieces tonight while we sleep I will still love and be loved. I have amazing friends and family. I have Christ! That means that I have everything.

Good thought to leave on!

I amaze myself

Now I bet you're thinking I'm about to brag on some amazing gift I have right?
Nope

I'm amazed at my inability to follow my own advice! Ever notice how much easier it is to be the sage voice of wisdom than to be the follower of that wisdom?

I'd share - but my first self advice that I am going to take is to make myself go to sleep!

Patience of Job

I find it amazing that no matter where we are in life we are usually looking to the next step with some sort of impatience or another. If you are finally married, even after a long wait, it seems like it doesn’t take long until you are waiting patiently for the first child, perfect job, or new home. Once you get your little angel you tend to wait patiently for the terrible two’s or teething to pass. We do a lot of waiting in this life don’t we?

Pastor has done this great series on dwelling in the secret place (Ps 91). I would never claim to be an expert on this topic and I have definitely learned a lot from this series. But I can say that these past few months I have spent a lot more time in quietness. It started with a challenge from a class in seminary to spend time in complete silence. FYI - This is much easier said than done. If we boil down to my heart and I am totally honest, I’m not a fan of silence. I know you are shocked! I cannot count the nights that I have been drawn to nothingness, my journal, and my Bible lately. I’m not even searching for a specific in most cases. Sure there are requests. I am still waiting patiently on people, things, and situations… and sometime very impatiently! But the silence is almost for the sake of silence alone. It’s Tuesday night - good TV night btw - and I haven’t touched the button yet. Even with the set off I have to struggle to not fill this time with busyness. I journaled… read… prayed…read… then went back to the silence.

I hesitate to share. I almost started this last night. I questioned my motives. This isn’t about me. I think that in going back over all of this tonight I really believe that many of you are seeking to dwell in the secret place. I’m relatively young, 32, so for me to say that our times are the most chaotic and uncertain in memory isn’t a stretch. However I am also hearing that word from people much older and wiser than me. So many things are no longer a given in our cozy little worlds. Life for many is no longer a given in our cozy little worlds.

So how does this tie into patience? I have no solution to just about all of my questions tonight! I’ve journaled, prayed, read and I am getting one verse over and over and over again. It’s not God’s blueprint for Gina’s life, which is SO what I’d rather get from the silence! Since I’m the lay it all out there girl I wanted to share my heart a bit and my verse. God is good. If you’re struggling or if you’re not, He is faithful. He is sovereign. He is waiting with you.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Joy

So since I just realized that the three of you who may actually read this might have been curious. :OP

My word from God for 2009 is JOY!

I think its been a while

Well since the last post we've had a lot going on here in my little corner of the world. Big Ice storm - followed by weeks of ongoing cleanup. Since I have the privilege of working in our missions office I also got to be involved in the disaster relief effort! Wow... I had no idea what all went into the process.

These guys are to be admired for their work. At the end of the next few days this will mostly be behind me, but these guys will move onto the next crisis. Amazing spirits and workers!

School is crazy - life is crazy - I am crazy

I wish I had something more interesting to report. Life goes on, much as it has in the past few months. Things have changed drastically - dating Al - getting close to the end of school - dating Al. :) Things are just good.

God is Faithful to those who wait - even those of ME who wait impatiently!

Off for now

It's Christmas - Part Two

Though posted together... these were DAYS apart. :) So read the one below me first!

It took a while… but I am there. I knew eventually that I would miss writing and need to come back to it. I knew eventually that journaling would no longer be enough for me. Something in me needs to share what God shares with me.

It’s been an incredible year for me. Every year I name my year. I pray about it for December and into January. Usually by New Year’s Eve I have it pegged. Last year - 2008 - was the year of Faithfulness, Forgiveness, and Freedom. As He always does, God has lived up to His promise. There have been so many ways that God’s has shown Himself faithful that I cannot even begin to put them into this post. I sometimes really do feel like the Israelites because I can forget God’s faithfulness easily when things aren’t going as I think they should.

Earlier this week I hit a point of desperation with Christmas after going into a local store. It was the music and its lack of Christmas’ true meaning that hurt my spirit… I don’t know a better way to say it.

Well today at lunch I needed to go back into there to look for something I thought I had seen. Would you believe it? The very same song was playing. Now here is the cool - when God teaches you something… He likes to affirm it moment! You ready? 

As I was walking around I heard the rest of this “song.” See somehow I dashed out without hitting the end. So I missed the point when the person in the song tells the other person that they have missed what Christmas is really about! I kid… you not!

So what spiritual lesson did Gina learn in the Dollar Store today? When you are at your most desperate point and things look hopeless (hopeless really does describe my outlook earlier this week), remember that God hasn’t finished the story yet!

God is all about second chapters. He even wrote a second testament to follow the first. He’s about second chances. He’s about happy endings. So if you are entering Christmas in a desperate state my reminder to you is that God is Faithful, Forgiving, and all about Freedom.

Off for now.

Have a Merry Christmas (if I don’t write again for a bit I want to make SURE I said it!)

It's Christmas - Part One

Can I be perfectly honest today? I’m fighting some holiday blahs today.

I went into one of our local stores ready to Christmas shop at lunch and was accosted with some holiday tunes. It wasn’t joy to the world or hark the herald or anything like that. One was all about “give me more stuff” then the next one was that plus ten.
I almost had to run out. Christmas is so much joy. In my heart I have the picture of a young girl, probably 20 years younger than I am today, a young man not much older than her. In their arms they hold a baby that will literally change the entire course of history. This realization is huge. It is Emanuel. He is “God with us.” This event is my entire life’s course. Who I am, what I do all comes back to a pivotal moment of Christ coming here.

This is God folks. He came here and lived the same type of life we live. People lied to Him. People hurt Him. People made Him laugh and sing. He stubbed toes… had colds. He experienced rudeness and all the other human stuff that can so get to us.

So today I am fighting this holiday blah… I want so much to hit pause today. I wanted, no needed, to stop and sit here and grab this perspective back. My joy to the world is not going to come in a box this year. And as much as I love so many of you… it’s not coming from you either. Either my joy is coming from the celebration of that event thousands of years ago… and the horror and triumph that followed it years later… either it is, or it isn’t.
And today I caught myself in the isn’t.
So in case you, like me, needed a little reminder I guess I felt the need to take us all back.

Go back to the quiet…the chill in the air… the lowing of cattle or oinking of pigs… see the star… see Mary and Joseph… see the angels and shepherds.
But most importantly… see the baby. He is God - God with us. Years from this moment He will die a cruel death for me… for You. He will raise from the dead and bring us new life.

But tonight, this night in our memory, He is a baby.

This is the beginning so let us remember.

Emmanuel - God with us

Israel Pictures

Well I am still not to the point that I can really talk here about the trip! Mostly for time... but I wanted to get some pictures out. Here you go!

Valley of Megido - Site of the final battle on earth



With Biff, the stuffed buffalo husband stand-in... :) We're in the "throne" room of some roman ruins.



A picture is worth a thousand words..

Blogging from Jerusalem

Man how I wish I had my USB cable. :) I'd be uploading pictures for you all right now.
Well here is an update on where I have been so far.
Nope. That would take to much time and i'm paying by the minute! :)
go to www.betweensundays.com for more on that. (one of the pictures you can see me from behind, looking over the valley of Megiddo).

I will say that so far my two most moving deals have been the Sea of Galilee and the Garden of Gethsemene. Honestly it's all too much to process.
But God is so real here you feel like you are back in time to 2000 years ago.
Today we were at the Western (Wailing) Wall and that was also a stark reminder of the past.
Well I'll blog more properly when I am home.
Miss you all!
Gina

Why no Single Mingle

Let me explain...
So the major complaint (mostly from our mothers) that single girls here is that we don't "get ourselves out there" enough.
And tonight I am reminded of the reason why.

So I am working up a new code for my friends for "GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!"
And teaching it to every girl and guy friend that I have.
Because I hate being caught flat without a bail out person.
Sigh