Football and Fasting

Well I don’t know what it is about football that makes me get all poetic and thoughtful but here I am.
You see about an hour ago I was literally shaking and pacing the floor. My Hogs were up… all was good but could go badly quick. Then whammo - a last minute score.
Thinks change… just like that.
So here I am sitting with my laptop praying, thinking.
This week my church has had a little over 1300 people participating in a corporate Fast. This is my second time through this. Last time was so amazing in what God showed me I thought nothing could compare.
I was wrong.
I am guilty of forgetting just how big and sovereign God really is. My verse this week, not the one I would have chosen, but what God led me to is Isaiah 6:1-4
1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."
4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
The first time I saw this during this week was Tuesday. I was given it to read at a praise and worship service. I realy didn’t note it. Then Thursday at another service I got it to read again. As I read it to myself and waited for the service to begin, God began to speak. I had no idea what I needed to hear. But I knew it was in these verses.
Holy, holy, holy is the LORD almighty.
I went home and grabbed my commentary on Isaiah (just like God… I’m taking OBST 633 which is - ISAIAH!). On these verses the commentary speaks of the position of God.
God… is BIG.  God… is HUGE. We know this right?
So why do I continually try to use my human ideas to manipulate His planning?
The line that stuck with me is one of the things I thought of tonight.
“As long as I think that I an solve my problems (with a litle help from God of course) then I am the sovereign, and He is the servant.
Those of you who know me well, and you know who you are, have been witness to some spectacular ME moments. I’m good at directing my life, so I think. Really it’s laughable.
I know that I would choose things differently at this season in many ways. And I know that I would miss some incredible things.
So for the record (sorry mom) my hands are off. God will do, what He will do. He is sovereign. I still don’t know what tomorrow brings. But it is a lot easier to face, when I know that I don’t have to try to control or fix it.
Whew! God is good.
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

Ahem, Attention, Yes I am still alive

Well several of you have complained that I haven’t updated in a while, ok, two of you. :O)
So I thought I would take a minute and catch everyone back up on my fascinating life.

I have a new boss - WOOHOO!!! - I think he will be a great addition to our church.
He and his wife came to visit us last week and we all really liked them.
Thankfully, he will start quickly, and get in on the fun that is Blessing Baskets!

My brother is moving to North Dakota where it is:

A. Cold
B. Almost Canada
C. Further from home!
D. ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Not that I am bitter or anything… love ya Jeff.

More friends are in the marriage and baby business. Again, not that I am bitter. :O)

I am well into my second semester of Seminary, remind me to NEVER, ever do more than 6 hours at a time. These 8 week semesters lull me into a sense of false security. IN the end of this semester I will have taken the equivalent of 13 hours - STUPID! :P

Now, onto the pressing news of the weekend. Tomorrow is the first Razorback game of the season. Praise God! Now I know in he scheme of things that football isn't super important. But it is a huge blessing to be able to go and stand with several thousand other crazy, red dressed, people and cheer on my favorite team. I literally start dreaming of this day somewhere around January 6th of each year. SO you can imagine that by September I am ready to bust. Bring on the pigskin.
Woo Pig Sooieeee! :O(
>>> Hit that Line, hit that line, keep on going!>>>
Ahhh, all is well.
Until I am badgered into posting again, I bid you a happy opening of College Football Season weekend. Oh yeah, and happy Labor Day weekend too!

Lord of the Rings

Wow
I think I should have named 2007 The Year of the Rings. Engagement count as of July is now 4. Dang... :)
All your questions answered in one place.

News from my front - not much:
Semesters left till MDIV - 5... crud that is scary in print!
Years in current job - 1 1/2
Boss - No replacement yet
Current Staff - Down from 8 this time last year to 4
Dates - 1, unless you count the dates (figs) from my fig newton. Then... 1
Weight - HA! nope... but 50 lbs less than this time last year
Surgeries - 3 - none weight related thank you very much. :O)
Trips - none this year yet. Come on Africa!?!
Hair - Long
Teeth - still there
Dwelling - 1 bdrm apartment in little beirut
Brothers - 1 in AR, 1 to be in freakin North Dakota
Nephews - 4
Neice - 1
Moment I am most looking forward to this year = The Wed before Thanksgiving ie the day after Blessing Baskets

Happy Day!

I had the coolest experience tonight so I just had to share. :)
It's the 4th of July still as I write this. I left my parents house
for the hour drive back up the mountain just a little before 10pm.
So I got to see all the "finale" fireworks of the shows from each
town. I had this old cd in playing of choir songs from the last few
years. I was just awed at the mood it set. You know I really did
spend the day being thankful for our country, my family, our freedom,
my friends in the service and total strangers thousands of miles away
fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. But on the way home the only words
I could put together were "God you are so good." Over and over again
I was singing about His holiness, His faithfulness, His mercy and
goodness with bright sparkles and lightning shining in front of me.
It was awesome in the truest sense of that word. God is good. He's
good whether we feel it or not. He is good on the good days, but He
is still good on the bad days. So I'll leave you with some of His
names, because that is how I finished my drive! Praise Him people.
He is:
Wonderful, Glorious, Holy and Righteous, Victorious, Conqueror,
Triumphant and Mighty, Healer, Deliver, Shield and Defense, Strong
Tower and My Best Friend, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King,
Alpha, Omega, Lord of Everything!!!
Holy, Holy, Holy is your name
"In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his
name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim
that his name is exalted."- Isaiah 12:4

Vicodin is Our Friend and Other Catchy Titles

Well since my last post I have been poked and prodded. I've lost most of my sense of modesty. And I've had my first - hospital stay, major surgery, embarassing hospital story, and frustrating recouperation period.
Oh the joy! :)
So I just wanted to update since it is almost June. Things are better now. Well they are getting there. Actually things are SLOWLY getting there. But I am assured if I can stop pushing myself, then I can heal quicker. Slow down, three weeks before my second biggest ministry push of the year. Yeah, that'll happen.
Anyhoo.
I'm done with my first semester of Seminary.
I moved to an apartment.
I've been cut open.
All in all... 2007 has been rather adventurous!

Ministry of the Brokenhearted

Brokenhearted.
Even the word sounds painful. I am surrounded in this season of life once again by happy nearly/newly weds and pregnant friends. I’m honestly and deeply thrilled for all of these women in my life. I can say that I have rejoiced with them in their rejoicing. Tonight after sitting next to another glowing pregnant lady, I barely made it to my car before loosing it in tears. The only word that is appropriate for this feeling is grief. It seems unexplainable, selfish, and somehow wrong to react like this.
It’s also completely out of my control. So what’s a girl to do in times like this? What do you do when you are surrounded by happiness and seem stuck in pain?
To me I am coming back to two questions. Do I believe that God is faithful? Do I believe in His promises?
Yes I do.
In all of this one verse keeps coming back to me. It is out of context of this post. But it fits so well.

1 Thessalonians 4:13b
so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.

It’s ok to hurt, it’s what we do with the pain that is the key. As a Christian I don’t grieve anything like those who have no hope.

The one who promised these things to me is Faithful and True. That is in His very nature.
He can be trusted and He will keep those promises.

Before and Midway

Posting for those who are "away" :O()

This is the weight loss progress so far.

Devotional Thoughts

Isaiah 60:16b-20
Then you will know that I, the LORD, am your Savior, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob. Instead of bronze I will bring you gold, and silverin place of iron. Instead of wood I will bring you bronze, and iron in placeof stones. I will make peace your governor and righteousness your ruler. Nolonger will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction withinyour borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moonshine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moonwill wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.

I've been living a bit of a theme over these last few weeks. When things seemhard to understand I tend to mentally fast forward. I know that God isfaithful. That means I know that the end to any situation works out for myultimate good. It's the way He designed things. However, in the fast forwardmode, I've been missing a lot. There will be a day when things click alltogether. A day when there will be no more tears, waiting, patience, sorrow,pain, and frustration. This is not that day! As I sit here I am conscious ofone thing overriding my feelings of just moments ago, peace. God didn'tpromise us freedom from pain, tears, waiting, patience and sorrow on thisearth. He did say that in the midst of all of that He had come to bring usLIFE, and life more abundantly. And if you, like me, spend an overwhelmingamount of time aching for the perfection of Heaven... then you are missing theblessing of the Father, Son, and Spirit here on earth.Step back and breath deeply for a minute. He is waiting on us. Stop tryingto figure your way out of or into situations. Be here. Be His. Live in thepeace of this place and be free.-Gina

Who Am I Kidding

It's like -20 degrees outside and freezing rain.
I've got nothing but time
Something about 2007 has me pondering the year 2000. Remember how big of a deal it was? The world was going to end. Or at least the digital world was going to end, leaving us all living in tents and cooking with propane (and propane accessories) Ha! Ever notice how I manage to boil everything down to a cartoon or tv show? Sorry those of you who haven't seen King of the Hill and didn't catch that!
meanwhile...
So seven years has meant a lot of changes. I've said my final goodbyes to some people that I couldn't have imagined life without. And I've added some people that now I cannot imagine life without. Friends have gotten married, had kiddos, adopted kiddos, and moved away. I have... well I... um... I have a roommate now! :O)
The only thing that remains constant really is change. Well that and God Himself. And thankfully He hasn't left me the same. I am a different person than Gina - cerca NYE 1999. I have a lot less fear and a lot more hope. I have learned to enjoy the journey that God has me on. I have learned to not make decisions based on a fear of the unknown or the past.
Now there are at least a million lessons that God and I are still working on. We all know that I am far from perfect, but God isn't going to leave me here either.
Well Happy New Years
Praying for us all to have a 2007 full of God's best!
G

Deletion and Frustration

Ha!
I just finished a quite profound and long post.
And I hit something and deleted the whole flipping thing.
Sigh - always learning.

I'll write more later - when I have time again.
:O)

Gina

Who I am

How did it happen? Two weeks ago was Christmas 2005 or at least it seems that way.
So we're in the closing days of November and them whammo before I know it January will be here.
This has been a wild year. Somehow just when I think I have the hang of it, things change and I have to adapt again. God is definitely keeping me on my toes this year. If I were to name my year it would be the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Someday maybe I'll get into that a little more. Just be assured this year has seen some of my highest highs today, but also at least one of my lower lows.
The best thing that I can say about this year. I learned without any doubt that God is here for me personally. I have spent a lot of sleepless nights lately. And in one of them I spent hours contemplating the following statement.
God loves me as if I were the only person on earth.
People say that makes me unique. Ok... by the definition of unique that cannot be true. If He loves me, but He also loves all his other kiddos, how does that make me unique?
I think many of us (I can say I do for sure) stuggle with who we really are in Christ. I think it is what allows so many of us to struggle over our very salvation. It seems an impossibility. I compare the deep, dark, dusty places in my soul to the happy persona that you put on and meet me with. So in comparison I seem like a pretty low human being.
As I laid awake that night I saw a picture in my head. We're all standing together at the foot of the cross. I am suddenly seeing us all from His perspective. You know what? He isn't looking at the dark, dusty places that I so often inspect. The cross was right in the way. When my Father looks at me he does see the uniqueness that makes me Ginabob. But He sees it through a filter now that I have been redeemed. The deep, dark places are still there to struggle with, but they have been whitewashed by the blood of Jesus Christ!
Do you see how AMAZING that is?
I get to be quirky Gina. I get to be the girl who loves cartoons and stupid movies. I get to be the girl who struggles with my identity and fights a daily (hourly, minute by minute) battle with sin. Sometimes I get to be questioning, whiny, and angry Gina.
But best of all... I get to be Gina - uniquely loved by God.
Whew. That's a thought to sleep on.
GB

Happy Thanksgiving

Well it's finally the holiday season!! Yay. :)
This is by far my favorite time of year. This year is starting off a bit differently because I am on my own for the first time. I remember one Easter when I lived in Dallas that I stayed in D for the holiday and was super depressed. It was hard to be away from my family. I miss all 4 of my nephews and my little niece.
I miss them today, but I am not really depressed about it. I think I have had a roller coaster few weeks so this totally quiet environment is quite appealing.
So far I am 2 days into solitude and loving it. I cleaned and did laundry all day yesterday. Which typicially isn't my idea of fun. But getting some of the clutter gone is a great feeling. Chaos around me makes me anxious, but I still manage to let it pile!
So we start Thanksgiving in a great mood. I think my plan is still to soak everything in. Oh and maybe catch a movie.
Tomorrow is the big day, when my Razorbacks whip up on LSU. I dreamt last night that I had gotten tickets to the game. Man... here's wishing for that to happen.
Ok. I'm off to enjoy the day.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
GB

Waiting for Saturday

The buildup started after my Hogs whipped up on Auburn.
And it just keeps growing and growing every week!
So in just a few short days I will take my place in the bleachers for the last Fayetteville home game for this year. Might be my last game of the year. Or I might just have to catch a bowl game. :)
All this excitement is just wild.
I have two thoughts running around and around so I will just throw them out here.
1.) I cannot emotionally handle a close game. I don't do tense well!!!! So we better dominate first AND second halves this week.
2.) I cannot believe that I get to be at a game that ESPN Gamecenter is at! Wow. Talk about blessed.
I often reflect on the other season enders that I have sat through at this same stadium. Some of them have been rough to put it mildly.
But my first, and so far most exciting one, was against TN just a few years ago. Refreshing memories - we won... they tore down the goalpost... and I was right on the field.
Go Hogs - STOMP Tennessee

GB

The End of an Era

Whew!
I finished last night at 11:30. The last paper has been turned in. The last test has been taken.
It isn't official I suppose. I won't have my diploma for months. But the work is done and I am now a college graduate!
I'm in this really thoughtful mode tonight. This has been a big year for me. I turned thirty. I finally graduated. The Razorbacks are moving UP in the rankings. And it's only October! :O) Still time for some accomplishments.
I'm in a hopeful mood. The biggest reason is that all of these things spell something.
It's a huge - Yay God, as one of my coworkers would say.
There are so many ways in which this looked doubtful. Along these last two years God had to provide over and over again. If you walked through this with me, you can understand how amazing it really is. And in the end I can see how He timed out even the delays.
It's a good reminder to me that even the low points have a purpose.
So now I am off to set my next goal - what to get a masters in.
I'm thinking sleep management.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............................

It's Been a Day

The funeral was today. As I was sitting there watching all the people around me I was thinking about the oddest things. I realized that funerals are a huge part of the release that is needed for grief. You listen to a thousand stories and try to find words. I love you is heard over and over again if you are blessed. My friend and her family were very blessed. You can tell a lot about the character of a person by their funeral. There was laughter and tears and years worth of memories lived over in a, too brief, moment.
As we sat at the graveside the rain that held for so long came pouring down. And it poured and poured throughout the graveside service. Then as we closed in prayer the rain dried and there was the sun. So it goes with life after loss. There will be moments after moments when the rain just pours in grief... then in comes the Son. I think the biggest key to funerals is just that. When we, as Christians, say 'goodbye' over a gravesight we really say 'see you later.' For us there are no true goodbyes. Soon the curtain will part for us all and He will call us home. I don't know about you, but I am going to run to Him. I believe right behind Him will be face after face last seen through a sheen of tears. For tonight I know those will be my last thoughts as I go to sleep.
Other than this - treasure life. I think we forget this all too often. Don't forget to live it every second, for all that it is worth. Make tomorrow count.
GB

Life meets football

What a contrast today. For days I have been waiting for a painful call and today I got it.
I've had a friend since I was 5 years old. We met on the first day of kindergarten. We grew up together. We cried over boys. Laughed over everything. We spent thousands of hours together. Her family was my family. I cannot count the talks with her mom and dad. The hours spent in the car with them. Trips to the grocery school. Rides to school. Nights spent over. It all blurs past me tonight.
This afternoon her dad went ahead of us to heaven. Even though I have been expecting the phone call for days, when it came I was still devastated. I flash back to 9 years old riding in the backseat of their car listening to him talk. Watching movies at their house. The time I got SO muddy at their house that I had to take a bath before leaving. Walks and talks, advice - love.
The last time I saw him he was in the hospital. And he brightened when he saw me walk in the room. He held out his hand to me. And I just stood there and held it. I got to tell him that I loved him. I knew he probably knew it... but I needed to say it.
So today, on the 25th row, seat 23 on the 35th yard line - Section 103 of Razorback Stadium, I got the call I was dreading.
The contrast is so stark, because I was sitting in the middle of a cheering crowd, looking up at the sky in tears. The game went on as usual. We cheered our team. And I sat in the midst of the crowd and remembered football games in high school, band concerts, dances and a wedding. Some people are so strong and such a force in your life that you don't even realize it until they are gone. And it really still doesn't seem real.
Our team won, barely, in two overtimes. It was a rollercoaster game and a rollercoaster afternoon. Football is not life and death. Teams win and loose every week. Life goes on.
Today will forever be tagged for me as one of my best college football days. And it is the day that earth got a little less satisfying and heaven that much more appealing.
I love you Mr. Anderson. See you there!
GB

It's not what it looks like

I've thought a lot lately about being an "adult." It's funny, to be the age I am currently and still not feel like an adult. I sometimes think that someone is going to put two and two together and realize that I am still faking it! And I often wonder how old you are before that feeling goes away.
No, I'm not old. And many people around me remind me of that all the time. I guess it's a perspective thing. It's who you are measuring yourself against that sets that perspective. So I'm hoping that you really are only as old as you feel. And that means I am young. :)
So lately the other thing that I am thinking about is how weird it is that I am actually about to graduate. Again, at my age people in school are usually on their second masters or a PHD or something. But I am reviling in finally completing this thing. I gutted this dern thing out. I mean stretching a 4 year degree into... well more than 4 years... it's an accomplishment! I will be throwing one dilly of a graduation party at the end of this whole deal. I mean heck, I'm not having a wedding shower anytime soon and I sure as fire am not having a baby shower. So the only party left for the single girl is her first LONG awaited milestone.
So get ready friends and neighbors! Get ready to party like it's 1999 (which ironically should have been the year I actually graduated from college. Ha!
I'm jumping around a bit I realize. But I haven't posted in a while so I have some ground to cover. Lately my other thoughts have been about the useless knowledge that I hold on movies and TV. Seriously, when people come to you to find out lyrics of theme songs, you watch too much TV. I think I need to put that "talent" to some good use. But I have no idea what such a useless talent could possibly be good for! Really I think my TV/Movie knowledge is stored in its own section of my brain. It doesn't seem to be taking anything away from the space needed to learn about the mechanics of psychology. So I think it must be safely tucked away in some region of memory that was designed especially. I think it is the "Cliff Clavin" area of the brain.
Ok that is enough piddling for one night.
Happy Monday everyone.
GB

Arachnophobia

I am not particularly scared of spiders.
I have never been particularly scared of spiders.
However, being pulled out of a nice quiet evening by screaming and walking in to find a giganto spider will make an arachnophobe out of anyone.
Seriously, the spider was like rat sized! Ok, maybe not quite that big. But it was ugly and large enough to requre a full force smash to kill. Ugly enough that my roommate shut me in the garage to kill it. :)
Yes, I kill my own spiders. Well she would have too, but she was the one who had to live through it walking between her feet! I read once that guys don't like girls who kill their own spiders. I am sure that is some kind of stereotype thing.
Rest assured if it is not a stereotype deal, and someone tells me that, I will learn to scream and jump up on a chair. Just like I do when here is a mouse... shudder... shudder... I hate mice.
When I was a teenager I was taking a bath, and a mouse had just eaten some poison out of one of those traps. And it drunkenly staggered into the bathroom and kept hitting the tub over and over again. I had to get my grandmother in to kill it before I could get out. ALSO I stepped on a poison drunk mouse once. This started the infamous broom flogging incident that my family still laughs about. Spiders = bad. Mice = evil.
I started out to write about the huge beautiful moon tonight but I have been completely derailed.
Oh well.
I see the moon. The moon sees me. The moon sees the gigantic spider carcass in my garage.
Night everybody.
GB

Singing in the Elevator

Have you ever noticed how people just get quiet on elevators? Well they do. It's weird.
You might even be talking right before you get on. But somehow when the doors close so do the mouths.
So this morning I get on the elevator with three coworkers and one of them says "Sing-a-long"
And the four of us go up singing "Aaaaamen, aaaamen, Aaaaamen, Amen, Amen" :)
I think I shall start out every morning singing amen in the elevator. he he he
Tomorrow is finally Friday. And thank God for that. I have my first test this week.
I'm just overwhelmed lately. But then who isn't these days?
Tonight I am waiting on the phone to ring. Who is calling Gina? Wouldn't YOU like to know.
It's funny how waiting one something seems to make it not happen. Maybe that is just my experience. Yeah. I am sure that is it.
God is teaching me something in a rather harsh fashion this week. It's about being obedient - just because. You know when you tell a child to do something, sometimes it is just because it needed doing. It's not because you wanted to give them something. I guess I need to keep that perspective. Being obedient carries it's own rewards and that is the thing that I need to be reminded of sometimes. That is this week in a nutshell.
Oh and I also learned that my Sunday learners do listen. After me using the word "hovel" this week and most of them laughing because they didn't know the word, one of them came back and said "I used 'hovel'" this week. :)
Look it up!
GB

Wrong... So Wrong

It's weird. Just when I think I have something licked... like my sarcastic attitude... something rears up and causes me to spout off. :P I think I just need to give in and be my own sarcastic self!
I'm learning a lot about myself now that things have picked back up. I started my last semester yesterday. Two days in I am not sure how I will make it to the end. I keep chanting - only two months - only two months.
After all, surely I can hold out for that long right?
Wouldn't it be nice if, while one area of your life goes completely insane, the others slowed down? Yeah, it would be wouldn't it? Instead it's like you become a chaos magnet. That is where I am right now. Everything that could pile on at once has decided to pile on.
Wah, wah, wah. :)
I have to say that I despise the physical side of my chosen degree. I suppose that the powers that be wanted any psych major to know about the ins and outs of the human nervous system. But I have NO desire to know these things! So on I trod - learning about neurons and dendrites and something that sounds like a mountain in Saudia Arabia.
Well that's enough for now I think. I must transfer to the bed before I fall over.
More later
GB