Posts
I have a goal - rest. I am sure I will get around to it sometime. :) Maybe after graduation....
No I fully intended to hit the sack early tonight but I got caught up talking with some friends. So I got home late, wasn't tired, had to catch up on Facebook, or whatever the excuse is.
So now I have decided to come over and blog a bit. When last we spoke, well next to last, I was headed out of town to pray over some of my future details.
I know everyone is dying to know what I discovered so here you go.
Nothing
Profound isn't it? Really I learned a lot, just not about what I thought I was headed to learn (See previous posting). What I did hear clearly on future wise was that I am where I am right now for a reason. I keep asking a lot of "but what about next year?" questions but we're not getting that far.
Back when I used to write my daily devotionals I had a favorite word picture that I used to use.
It comes from Psalm 119:105
Psalm 119:105 (King James Version)
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Being the detailed person that I am something jumps right out from this to me. The promise is for a lamp at my FEET. God's not promising the whole Coleman camping lighting package. Typically God's guidance doesn't come in the form of a 19 step manual of how to get from point A to point Z. You get the beam - directly on the path in FRONT of you getting you from point A to B.. then C... Then D... sometimes you get D to G. :O)
You're seeing my point right?
My little reminder was that I may not have everything mapped out, a prospect that Gina the controlling, list making freak is not a fan of fyi, but I do have C to D. When D is close to being done (get it... D = Done...) then the beam will head to E. Until then I am going to be content with the Word lighting my feet one shuffle step at a time. One thing is for certain, if I continue to focus on the Word lighting my path and stop trying to see where point "M" fits into the picture then I am a whole lot less likely to stumble.
Here endeth tonight's lesson.
Night all. :O)
-G
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Saturday, August 01, 2009
In Which Memory Lane Gets Rocky
Couldn’t wait to share! :O)
As I sit here starting to write this it is 1 am on Saturday morning and I am winding down a pretty incredible weekend. I think when I look back on this weekend one of the words I will use is amusing. Because I came up with a good idea of what I wanted God to speak to… and He had a completely different plan.
Just hours after I started this journey I started out in the car in a pretty down state. Things did not get off to the best of starts (won’t bore you with details but it involved a twisted ankle and a bill I thought was paid that wasn’t). I was determined not to waste a minute though so I started praying and singing as soon as I hit the highway. This would be the moment when I realized God’s plans and mine were about to not “mesh.”
Have you ever had a spot in your heart or memory that is like a nerve? It’s like you can prick it from time and feel that pinch of pain. Every once in a while you do it just to see if it’s still there. But as long as it doesn’t really bother you - you don’t bother it either. On the drive up I had one of those spots lingering in the back of my memory. This is a place down memory lane that I felt was well traveled y’all. Seriously it is a place that I felt like God and I had visited enough that we’ve marked our stone. We came. We saw. He conquered. I had the scars you know… He had the glory. But on the drive up here every time I would touch that memory again the tears would flow.
You know I’d love to tell you I threw the door open right there but I gotta say I was still hoping that we weren’t gonna go there. Oh - how - wrong - I - WAS….
We started off this morning (Friday) dealing through some of my agenda. Check… check… no concrete plans but that gentle guidance that I’ve come to expect. Peace - stillness… wait - there is that whole “not-meshiness” again. Why are we revisiting that God? We’ve been there remember? We did that? Don’t you remember?
I’ll fast forward a bit to let you in on a little secret that I’ve learned… sometimes when you drop things cause you think you and God are done with them… you and God are SO not done with them.
About 15 years ago or so I walked up on a conversation taking place in a Sunday school room. I heard my name being mentioned as I was walking up so I paced up a bit slower and the words that I was about to hear set me up for some major devastation. Since I’m 33… and God and I are just now revisiting and dealing that’ll fill you in on some of the finer points of the conversation. Let’s just say without too many details that people can be seriously cruel to other people. The gist of what I came away with as a mid-teenager was that I was unlovable, that probably no one would ever really love me. Now check that - I filed that away.
Pressing the pause button here - as I blog this there are a couple of things going through my heart:
ONE - I know that some of you are gonna immediately need to hit reply on this. People, I know I am loved but loved was different from being worthy of love in my mind. As I sit here tonight, er, this morning, I actually know that this little gem is a total lie. But I’ve been living with this track in my brain fighting it for YEARS and now that it is identified and shut down I wanted to shout a bit about it.
Hi, my name is Gina, and I am loveable. :O)
TWO - The church I grew up in is a part of me, but mostly not in a good way. There are some great memories of things that God taught me from my time there. But there are frankly a whole lot of more painful ones that God and I got to work past. But that past holds no regret for me. God is good and His plans are so much better than the ones I would have chosen.
I thought a lot about whether to share this or not. If you’ve read this far, and honestly I know lots of you won’t, :O) then the take away message is that a lot of us fall for early lies that color things for us later on. God’s desire is to set us free from that. May not be easy to find yours… but maybe, just maybe if you’re driving along one day you’ll discover it if you’re asking. My advice for that moment is to RUN to His healing and let it go.
I’m all about sharing lessons learned. Once upon a time, probably because of the environment that I grew up in church-wise, I always hid. Hiding is so much easier. No one can criticize you or make fun of you if you don’t ever poke your head up above the crowd. But God has not called us to easy life. God has called us to abundant life. You can’t live that life when you are hiding.
God has not given us a spirit of hiding and fear. He gave us a spirit of self-confidence and love.
Live it y’all. Worth it!
As I sit here starting to write this it is 1 am on Saturday morning and I am winding down a pretty incredible weekend. I think when I look back on this weekend one of the words I will use is amusing. Because I came up with a good idea of what I wanted God to speak to… and He had a completely different plan.
Just hours after I started this journey I started out in the car in a pretty down state. Things did not get off to the best of starts (won’t bore you with details but it involved a twisted ankle and a bill I thought was paid that wasn’t). I was determined not to waste a minute though so I started praying and singing as soon as I hit the highway. This would be the moment when I realized God’s plans and mine were about to not “mesh.”
Have you ever had a spot in your heart or memory that is like a nerve? It’s like you can prick it from time and feel that pinch of pain. Every once in a while you do it just to see if it’s still there. But as long as it doesn’t really bother you - you don’t bother it either. On the drive up I had one of those spots lingering in the back of my memory. This is a place down memory lane that I felt was well traveled y’all. Seriously it is a place that I felt like God and I had visited enough that we’ve marked our stone. We came. We saw. He conquered. I had the scars you know… He had the glory. But on the drive up here every time I would touch that memory again the tears would flow.
You know I’d love to tell you I threw the door open right there but I gotta say I was still hoping that we weren’t gonna go there. Oh - how - wrong - I - WAS….
We started off this morning (Friday) dealing through some of my agenda. Check… check… no concrete plans but that gentle guidance that I’ve come to expect. Peace - stillness… wait - there is that whole “not-meshiness” again. Why are we revisiting that God? We’ve been there remember? We did that? Don’t you remember?
I’ll fast forward a bit to let you in on a little secret that I’ve learned… sometimes when you drop things cause you think you and God are done with them… you and God are SO not done with them.
About 15 years ago or so I walked up on a conversation taking place in a Sunday school room. I heard my name being mentioned as I was walking up so I paced up a bit slower and the words that I was about to hear set me up for some major devastation. Since I’m 33… and God and I are just now revisiting and dealing that’ll fill you in on some of the finer points of the conversation. Let’s just say without too many details that people can be seriously cruel to other people. The gist of what I came away with as a mid-teenager was that I was unlovable, that probably no one would ever really love me. Now check that - I filed that away.
Pressing the pause button here - as I blog this there are a couple of things going through my heart:
ONE - I know that some of you are gonna immediately need to hit reply on this. People, I know I am loved but loved was different from being worthy of love in my mind. As I sit here tonight, er, this morning, I actually know that this little gem is a total lie. But I’ve been living with this track in my brain fighting it for YEARS and now that it is identified and shut down I wanted to shout a bit about it.
Hi, my name is Gina, and I am loveable. :O)
TWO - The church I grew up in is a part of me, but mostly not in a good way. There are some great memories of things that God taught me from my time there. But there are frankly a whole lot of more painful ones that God and I got to work past. But that past holds no regret for me. God is good and His plans are so much better than the ones I would have chosen.
I thought a lot about whether to share this or not. If you’ve read this far, and honestly I know lots of you won’t, :O) then the take away message is that a lot of us fall for early lies that color things for us later on. God’s desire is to set us free from that. May not be easy to find yours… but maybe, just maybe if you’re driving along one day you’ll discover it if you’re asking. My advice for that moment is to RUN to His healing and let it go.
I’m all about sharing lessons learned. Once upon a time, probably because of the environment that I grew up in church-wise, I always hid. Hiding is so much easier. No one can criticize you or make fun of you if you don’t ever poke your head up above the crowd. But God has not called us to easy life. God has called us to abundant life. You can’t live that life when you are hiding.
God has not given us a spirit of hiding and fear. He gave us a spirit of self-confidence and love.
Live it y’all. Worth it!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
OLWA !
Whew - everyone needs a little break. Me I probably need a big break but since I don't have time for one I'm gonna settle for a mini.
Just over a month will begin my final year of seminary - YIKES. I'm doing the marathon year to finish and am planning on going straight through the summer. I start back to class on the 24th of August.
Blessing Baskets planning officially kicked off for me this week... I like to get a nice early run at it. Have to start plotting new areas - doing maps - fixing things from last year - finding new hiding spots. :O)
Things are about to get nice and crazy again.
So before things crank back up I decided to ask for a couple of days away to refocus. Thankfully I had some time coming in the form of a gift trip. Woo!
I'm very excited about being away from my normal routine. Something about being out of my usual surroundings helps me. This time around I have some very specific things that God and I are going to walk through. I am excited about the chance to have some quality time listening. I definitely want His directions before I jump off into the fall crazies!
What this does mean is that after midnight tonight (Wed.) I am going to be offline for a while... no e-mail or facebook. I won't be checking blogs. Nada - zippo - zilch. Yep. I'm actually feeling the withdrawals in advance.
I needed to unplug to give myself some time to really listen without updating my status or worrying about farming my crops (lol!)
Just wanted to pop in here before my little hiatus so nobody would think I was abducted by aliens or anything.
See you in a few
-GB
Oooh - and I would definitely love your prayers for guidance these next few days. I know God has a lot to transfer to this hard head. -G
Just over a month will begin my final year of seminary - YIKES. I'm doing the marathon year to finish and am planning on going straight through the summer. I start back to class on the 24th of August.
Blessing Baskets planning officially kicked off for me this week... I like to get a nice early run at it. Have to start plotting new areas - doing maps - fixing things from last year - finding new hiding spots. :O)
Things are about to get nice and crazy again.
So before things crank back up I decided to ask for a couple of days away to refocus. Thankfully I had some time coming in the form of a gift trip. Woo!
I'm very excited about being away from my normal routine. Something about being out of my usual surroundings helps me. This time around I have some very specific things that God and I are going to walk through. I am excited about the chance to have some quality time listening. I definitely want His directions before I jump off into the fall crazies!
What this does mean is that after midnight tonight (Wed.) I am going to be offline for a while... no e-mail or facebook. I won't be checking blogs. Nada - zippo - zilch. Yep. I'm actually feeling the withdrawals in advance.
I needed to unplug to give myself some time to really listen without updating my status or worrying about farming my crops (lol!)
Just wanted to pop in here before my little hiatus so nobody would think I was abducted by aliens or anything.
See you in a few
-GB
Oooh - and I would definitely love your prayers for guidance these next few days. I know God has a lot to transfer to this hard head. -G
Friday, July 24, 2009
In Which She Finally Participates
So I've Been a follower of Kelly's Corner for a while. Friday's she often does a tour of different areas in people's homes. Being that I live in a Lindsey Apartment dwelling I have not been able to participate other than to "oooh and aaah" at other folks stuff. However today's tour is of wedding dresses. HEY WAIT! Nope... But Kelly kindly asked for us single gals to post our dream dresses so I figured this was my chance to jump in.
Since I am a your typical stereotypical gal I've only thought about the wedding dress thing 900 times or so since I was 7. :) Therefore it was not a difficult decision for me to narrow down some fun pictures.
I was talking to my friend Tiffany (fellow Kelly follower FYI) and it really amazes me how tastes change over the years but the staples seem to stay the same.
Since I was a little girl I've wanted the beaded dress. I've wanted the traditional veil. I like traditions. I like big poofiness (is poofiness a word - not according to spell checker).
Well without further ado I bring my first contribution to Kelly's "Show Us Your Life"
This one just seemed to hit all of my highlights. :) It has the beading... loving the neckline. I just think it is beautiful. Ok - off to real life now!
Since I am a your typical stereotypical gal I've only thought about the wedding dress thing 900 times or so since I was 7. :) Therefore it was not a difficult decision for me to narrow down some fun pictures.
I was talking to my friend Tiffany (fellow Kelly follower FYI) and it really amazes me how tastes change over the years but the staples seem to stay the same.
Since I was a little girl I've wanted the beaded dress. I've wanted the traditional veil. I like traditions. I like big poofiness (is poofiness a word - not according to spell checker).
Well without further ado I bring my first contribution to Kelly's "Show Us Your Life"
This one just seemed to hit all of my highlights. :) It has the beading... loving the neckline. I just think it is beautiful. Ok - off to real life now!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
In Which Gina and Denial Come Face to Face
Funny how when you hear something you don’t want to hear you think blocking it out will make it better.. la la la … not listening. Did you ever try to do that when you were a kid? Did your parents try to tell you something and you put your fingers in your ears and sang really loudly and obnoxiously? It always had to be something like “I’m Henry the 8th I am” or “John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt.” Somehow that kid version of denial never quite did the trick. Eventually you’d have to listen. Eventually you would have to clean your room or do your homework. Eventually even the things you try to avoid seem to come around no matter how many verses you sing.
So when I heard that my boss, Scott, was quitting I did my best to sing 900 verses of “John Jacob” but I guess that can only last up until his actual last day at work - which is tomorrow just in case anyone is counting.
Still it did not dawn on me until sometime tonight that the inevitable was upon me. Specifically it dawned on me in the middle of trying to buy a goodbye card at approximately 6:05 this evening (sorry Family Christian clerk- it wasn’t you I promise).
So in honor of my friend and boss I bring you the official End of Denial blog.
CUE sobbing and melodramatic music here
In all seriousness though…
What a joy to have the Crawfords in my life for the time that God has given them to us here. We’ve laughed and cried… well mostly me cried cause I’m just like that…
God has taught me so much through their example. I’ve been encouraged, challenged, blessed, and taught. From Brundi I’ve learned a lot about being transparent and living life with joy and love. From Scott I’ve learned a lot about faith and what it means to really trust God in the details. So much more really - but seriously can’t put it all out there people I mean really - stop being SO nosy.
In the end the lesson is a blessing of friendships that go on and on. As believers we know that no goodbye is ever permanent. Life is all about seasons.
I have been blessed to have a season with this amazing family in my life.
Love you guys!!!
So when I heard that my boss, Scott, was quitting I did my best to sing 900 verses of “John Jacob” but I guess that can only last up until his actual last day at work - which is tomorrow just in case anyone is counting.
Still it did not dawn on me until sometime tonight that the inevitable was upon me. Specifically it dawned on me in the middle of trying to buy a goodbye card at approximately 6:05 this evening (sorry Family Christian clerk- it wasn’t you I promise).
So in honor of my friend and boss I bring you the official End of Denial blog.
CUE sobbing and melodramatic music here
In all seriousness though…
What a joy to have the Crawfords in my life for the time that God has given them to us here. We’ve laughed and cried… well mostly me cried cause I’m just like that…
God has taught me so much through their example. I’ve been encouraged, challenged, blessed, and taught. From Brundi I’ve learned a lot about being transparent and living life with joy and love. From Scott I’ve learned a lot about faith and what it means to really trust God in the details. So much more really - but seriously can’t put it all out there people I mean really - stop being SO nosy.
In the end the lesson is a blessing of friendships that go on and on. As believers we know that no goodbye is ever permanent. Life is all about seasons.
I have been blessed to have a season with this amazing family in my life.
Love you guys!!!
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
In Which She Explains Terms - OLWA
So lately I've realized I spend way to much time online.
Hi... my name is Gina and I'm addicted to Blogs and Facebook. :)
Now I'm able to work my way away from them when other things are involved. I come out to work. I come away for family and friends. But when I am home I have realized that lately the pc is always on. Part of this I blame on my lack of cable. Hulu and I are great friends. Something is typically needing my attention there. But it's summer. Nothing is pressing and still it calls to me.
I do actually accomplish other things at home. Tonight has involved a load of laundry, some cleaning, and some dishes for instance. However the pc is always on as well. It's background noise. Noise being the key word here.
So this summer I am instituting the return of what I like to call OLWA (I'm a geek... I like acronyms!) In Gina-ese it stands for Off Line With Abba. It's my "I gotta get offa here and get some perspective cry. Lately I've pulled the plug for several different reasons. One night it was so many friends that seemed to be hurting and needed prayer. One night it was ME that so needed prayer! I have one prolonged season that is coming up - but I'll save news of that one for a little later on.
How about y'all? How much time do you spend? And maybe it's not time right in front... of the little glowing screen but time spent meandering back and forth to the pc/blackberry/iphone to check up on things.
Need some OLWA time? Take it!
Hi... my name is Gina and I'm addicted to Blogs and Facebook. :)
Now I'm able to work my way away from them when other things are involved. I come out to work. I come away for family and friends. But when I am home I have realized that lately the pc is always on. Part of this I blame on my lack of cable. Hulu and I are great friends. Something is typically needing my attention there. But it's summer. Nothing is pressing and still it calls to me.
I do actually accomplish other things at home. Tonight has involved a load of laundry, some cleaning, and some dishes for instance. However the pc is always on as well. It's background noise. Noise being the key word here.
So this summer I am instituting the return of what I like to call OLWA (I'm a geek... I like acronyms!) In Gina-ese it stands for Off Line With Abba. It's my "I gotta get offa here and get some perspective cry. Lately I've pulled the plug for several different reasons. One night it was so many friends that seemed to be hurting and needed prayer. One night it was ME that so needed prayer! I have one prolonged season that is coming up - but I'll save news of that one for a little later on.
How about y'all? How much time do you spend? And maybe it's not time right in front... of the little glowing screen but time spent meandering back and forth to the pc/blackberry/iphone to check up on things.
Need some OLWA time? Take it!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
In Which She Talks To Herself
In one of my ridiculously late moments recently I was thinking of things that I wish I had known earlier in life. I’m still young (what I tell myself all the time) but even at this stage you start thinking man I wish I knew at 18 what I know now.
So my mind, which is always a little twisted, started turning things around and wondering what 50 year old Gina is going to be wishing 33 year old Gina knew. So… for those of my Facebook-Notes readers and my maybe Blog readers who are older I am throwing this open. What do you wish you could tell yourself? This isn’t what would you go back and redo. You can’t go back and redo things. I would never redo the past anyways. There are too many things learned from the dumb things I did. But here is what I mean.
My examples for you “young-ins”
What I do wish is that I had known things like:
Tell the people you care about - how you feel about them you have nothing to lose (I took a while to learn this with my friends when I was younger - regretted it when I lost some of them right out of high school - one the summer right after his graduation)
Never-ever-ever-ever let an argument with someone you care about go on where you leave them angry. Because if something happens and the last word you have is an angry one - not… good!
Don’t be so worried about making a fool out of yourself. It is going to happen. It always manages to happen. I don’t know why that is. But worrying about it won’t change it.
Learn to laugh at yourself. That makes the “fool out of yourself part easier” :O)
Ok - I may add more later but I gotta get work started here!
So my mind, which is always a little twisted, started turning things around and wondering what 50 year old Gina is going to be wishing 33 year old Gina knew. So… for those of my Facebook-Notes readers and my maybe Blog readers who are older I am throwing this open. What do you wish you could tell yourself? This isn’t what would you go back and redo. You can’t go back and redo things. I would never redo the past anyways. There are too many things learned from the dumb things I did. But here is what I mean.
My examples for you “young-ins”
What I do wish is that I had known things like:
Tell the people you care about - how you feel about them you have nothing to lose (I took a while to learn this with my friends when I was younger - regretted it when I lost some of them right out of high school - one the summer right after his graduation)
Never-ever-ever-ever let an argument with someone you care about go on where you leave them angry. Because if something happens and the last word you have is an angry one - not… good!
Don’t be so worried about making a fool out of yourself. It is going to happen. It always manages to happen. I don’t know why that is. But worrying about it won’t change it.
Learn to laugh at yourself. That makes the “fool out of yourself part easier” :O)
Ok - I may add more later but I gotta get work started here!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
In Which She Tells Embarrassing Stories from Vacation
Well a week off never seems to be enough time to do what you would like to do. Thankfully we headed to ND with little agenda in mind. That really helped when we were so wiped we could barely get off the couch! :O)
Big A and I had a good time traveling with the parents. 17-18 hours together is a long time for anyone but in a car all bets are off. Thankfully we travelled well both coming and going - and I only got really grumpy once… maybe twice? ... Ok maybe three times.
There was fog - lots and lots of fog. There was construction - mile after mile of it.
Mainly we laughed a whole lot (when we weren’t sleeping). One giggling incident at 3 am after getting a little turned around in nowhere, SD stands out. Hey, I get giddy at 3 am.
As for the actual vacation in ND with the family there aren’t enough words. LBB (Little Big Brother) suggested that I do a t-shirt of our favorite vacation sayings. The only problem is that only 6 of us would “get” them.
One thing that marks my family is laughter. Thankfully we can usually only argue until one of us says something funny and then it’s all over. So here are some of my favorite vacation moments. We’ll get to the spiritual highlights later. These are the other memorable ones.
Allie Rose (on seeing a little boy fall off his bike under the bleachers) “Hey buddy… are you ok? HEY… BUDDY… are you ok? I found out later she knew the little boy when he came up to us and said “my name is Mason… remember… Mason.”
Allie Rose as a bride - she has the whole getup. She needed an announcer and we decided that only daddy could announce her wedding. Upon Jeff’s pronouncement of “Let’s get ready to MARRYYYYYYY,” she announced to us all that it was time to leave on her honeymoon - to Texas
Jeremiah decided on the last day that he wasn’t ready for us to leave prompting him to walk into rooms where I was and say things like “I’m going to miss you for my WHOLE life.”
Jonathan is a hoot. You know how parents always wish you will have a child just like yourself? Well my brother has spawned a clone of himself. It is really a challenge to not crack up while listening to him.
T-ball is priceless entertainment. The pictures do not do justice to the duos of kids on each base playing in the dirt, talking and holding hands (these are the opposing teams). Allie skips to each base or runs on tip-toe.
We also got to see Jonathan and Jeremiah get hits and score runs in the pee-wee games. The younger kids were fun to watch (no sitting on the base and playing in the dirt for them.
When running downstairs to proclaim her innocence, a good lesson for my niece to learn will be to not start out like this “Whatever it is he says that I did, I didn’t do it” Every adult in the room had their hands over their faces trying not to die laughing as she proceeded to tell exactly what Jeremiah was going to say she did and recount again that she did not do it. Kinda hard to buy the story, but funny!
Finally no words can describe the sweetness of having almost all of the people I love under one roof finally. We got to hold the kids a lot, which always makes me mindful that they will not always want to sit in Aunt Gina’s lap and just cuddle. How time flies!?!
Big A and I had a good time traveling with the parents. 17-18 hours together is a long time for anyone but in a car all bets are off. Thankfully we travelled well both coming and going - and I only got really grumpy once… maybe twice? ... Ok maybe three times.
There was fog - lots and lots of fog. There was construction - mile after mile of it.
Mainly we laughed a whole lot (when we weren’t sleeping). One giggling incident at 3 am after getting a little turned around in nowhere, SD stands out. Hey, I get giddy at 3 am.
As for the actual vacation in ND with the family there aren’t enough words. LBB (Little Big Brother) suggested that I do a t-shirt of our favorite vacation sayings. The only problem is that only 6 of us would “get” them.
One thing that marks my family is laughter. Thankfully we can usually only argue until one of us says something funny and then it’s all over. So here are some of my favorite vacation moments. We’ll get to the spiritual highlights later. These are the other memorable ones.
Allie Rose (on seeing a little boy fall off his bike under the bleachers) “Hey buddy… are you ok? HEY… BUDDY… are you ok? I found out later she knew the little boy when he came up to us and said “my name is Mason… remember… Mason.”
Allie Rose as a bride - she has the whole getup. She needed an announcer and we decided that only daddy could announce her wedding. Upon Jeff’s pronouncement of “Let’s get ready to MARRYYYYYYY,” she announced to us all that it was time to leave on her honeymoon - to Texas
Jeremiah decided on the last day that he wasn’t ready for us to leave prompting him to walk into rooms where I was and say things like “I’m going to miss you for my WHOLE life.”
Jonathan is a hoot. You know how parents always wish you will have a child just like yourself? Well my brother has spawned a clone of himself. It is really a challenge to not crack up while listening to him.
T-ball is priceless entertainment. The pictures do not do justice to the duos of kids on each base playing in the dirt, talking and holding hands (these are the opposing teams). Allie skips to each base or runs on tip-toe.
We also got to see Jonathan and Jeremiah get hits and score runs in the pee-wee games. The younger kids were fun to watch (no sitting on the base and playing in the dirt for them.
When running downstairs to proclaim her innocence, a good lesson for my niece to learn will be to not start out like this “Whatever it is he says that I did, I didn’t do it” Every adult in the room had their hands over their faces trying not to die laughing as she proceeded to tell exactly what Jeremiah was going to say she did and recount again that she did not do it. Kinda hard to buy the story, but funny!
Finally no words can describe the sweetness of having almost all of the people I love under one roof finally. We got to hold the kids a lot, which always makes me mindful that they will not always want to sit in Aunt Gina’s lap and just cuddle. How time flies!?!
Friday, June 12, 2009
In Which We Take a Break!
Well friends... I am off to Sunny North Dakota. Unless something really fascinating happens while I am gone I will be taking a blog-break.
Would appreciate prayers for safe travel.
We will be driving straight through the night. SO if you're in Western MO or Iowa or along that path wave all day and I might see you. :O)
Gina
Would appreciate prayers for safe travel.
We will be driving straight through the night. SO if you're in Western MO or Iowa or along that path wave all day and I might see you. :O)
Gina
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
In Which One Thing Really Does Lead to Another
Well it's almost midnight. I came home after work exhausted. But I knew I needed some unplugged time. So I got the old journal/Bible and a new book I am trying to read. Book required watching a bit of video - enter laptop.... video will not play.
So I sit in silence for a while writing, praying, thinking and crying.
That seems to be my pattern so far for the last two weeks. I think I have cried more in that time than I have in the last year (and I'm a crier people... no one cries alone in my presence!).
Why the tears? I read somewhere that tears are cleansing. I mean that in literal terms. Tears wash out impurities from your body. Have you ever cried tears that literally burn? That is your body, doing its job.
I also mean it figuratively. Sometimes we just have to let things go emotionally. I'm the queen of trying to hold things in. I guess I've always thought that eventually there would be time for a meltdown. The time just never actually came. I hate crying in front of anyone. It seems weak (yeah I don't know when weak became a bad thing either). It means I am "out of control," not something I am ever fond of fyi!
Back to the tears, because remember - one thing really does lead to another tonight.
I've been in this flaky emotional state for a couple of weeks. Seriously when I came home at lunch today and cried the ENTIRE HOUR - I figured I had used up the reservoir. I was oh... so.. wrong.
At about 6, right before I decided I needed to unplug, I lost it yet again. Yep - good times!
So how does this lead to something else. I hit my moment of clarity about 4 hours later. It was something I started to get earlier and that revelation (if it's not ok, it's not the end) needed to lead to the second verse.
We're not home yet. We're not done yet. You still breathing? Yep, me too. Guess what that means.
We're not done yet because we're not home yet. Which means God's not done yet either! Now how exiting is that?
It ain't over, till it's over. And the fact that you're reading this means it ain't over.
Tomorrow when I wake up and take that first morning breath I will remind myself again that God is still working out His plan. What plan? You got me - that's His business.
My business:
Get up
Get moving
Tell everyone I can what He is doing, has done, can do, wants to do (get the picture)
Come home
Repeat
So I sit in silence for a while writing, praying, thinking and crying.
That seems to be my pattern so far for the last two weeks. I think I have cried more in that time than I have in the last year (and I'm a crier people... no one cries alone in my presence!).
Why the tears? I read somewhere that tears are cleansing. I mean that in literal terms. Tears wash out impurities from your body. Have you ever cried tears that literally burn? That is your body, doing its job.
I also mean it figuratively. Sometimes we just have to let things go emotionally. I'm the queen of trying to hold things in. I guess I've always thought that eventually there would be time for a meltdown. The time just never actually came. I hate crying in front of anyone. It seems weak (yeah I don't know when weak became a bad thing either). It means I am "out of control," not something I am ever fond of fyi!
Back to the tears, because remember - one thing really does lead to another tonight.
I've been in this flaky emotional state for a couple of weeks. Seriously when I came home at lunch today and cried the ENTIRE HOUR - I figured I had used up the reservoir. I was oh... so.. wrong.
At about 6, right before I decided I needed to unplug, I lost it yet again. Yep - good times!
So how does this lead to something else. I hit my moment of clarity about 4 hours later. It was something I started to get earlier and that revelation (if it's not ok, it's not the end) needed to lead to the second verse.
We're not home yet. We're not done yet. You still breathing? Yep, me too. Guess what that means.
We're not done yet because we're not home yet. Which means God's not done yet either! Now how exiting is that?
It ain't over, till it's over. And the fact that you're reading this means it ain't over.
Tomorrow when I wake up and take that first morning breath I will remind myself again that God is still working out His plan. What plan? You got me - that's His business.
My business:
Get up
Get moving
Tell everyone I can what He is doing, has done, can do, wants to do (get the picture)
Come home
Repeat
Monday, June 08, 2009
In Which She Talks to the “In-Betweeners”
I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about my life. Pastor’s sermon was a challenge to live for eternity. It hit me between the eyes (Pastor does that a LOT and I am so thankful for his diligence to God’s word). I was challenged to make some changes in what I do and what I think/say about what I do.
Then I also started thinking about stages of life. In our connection group my friend Joel mentioned something about God being focused on our journey in life, while we are focused on our destination. God wants to help us “be” where we are and who we need to be. Often we just want to get where we are going already. And could you hurry that up please God?
Am I the only one who keeps falling back into destination thinking?
My mind knows firmly that God is in control. He is working on me, through me, and around me for His glory and purposes. I am looking in me, around me, at me, and wishing He would get on with it already.
Again yesterday and this morning I am struck by the reminder to be the girl who is all about the journey.
We all have destinations in mind. We are all in between stages. Have you ever thought about it that way? All of us are “in-betweeners.” Even if you just had something come to pass you soon realize that it is just that - “past.” Our human minds automatically hit the “next” button and we start waiting again. You graduate from college and you are suddenly in the waiting for something like graduate school, marriage, or a job. You get married and you are in the waiting pool, even if not immediately for kids, a house, or something else. We’re all there!
Recently I was in the middle of a conversation that put a big spotlight right on my “in-betweener” status. My reaction even surprised me. See I actually had been happily a journey girl. I had not been focusing on being an in-betweener. It took all of about 2 seconds for me to snap back! How frustrating is that?! :O)
Since this morning has me back firmly in journey mode (hmmm… I’ve had to create words for this little post haven’t I? Hopefully you’re still with me), I wanted to share a couple of observations.
When you focus on the thing you want more than on the Giver you are always going to be miserable.
Think right now about what you want then give… it… up! See above re: misery.
No matter where you are in life you can help support another in-betweener. As different as we are we need to realize that we are more alike than different. Satan wants to categorize us. Christ wants to break those boundaries so we can learn and journey together.
Now get on out there and start talking! So glad we are on this journey together.
-G
Then I also started thinking about stages of life. In our connection group my friend Joel mentioned something about God being focused on our journey in life, while we are focused on our destination. God wants to help us “be” where we are and who we need to be. Often we just want to get where we are going already. And could you hurry that up please God?
Am I the only one who keeps falling back into destination thinking?
My mind knows firmly that God is in control. He is working on me, through me, and around me for His glory and purposes. I am looking in me, around me, at me, and wishing He would get on with it already.
Again yesterday and this morning I am struck by the reminder to be the girl who is all about the journey.
We all have destinations in mind. We are all in between stages. Have you ever thought about it that way? All of us are “in-betweeners.” Even if you just had something come to pass you soon realize that it is just that - “past.” Our human minds automatically hit the “next” button and we start waiting again. You graduate from college and you are suddenly in the waiting for something like graduate school, marriage, or a job. You get married and you are in the waiting pool, even if not immediately for kids, a house, or something else. We’re all there!
Recently I was in the middle of a conversation that put a big spotlight right on my “in-betweener” status. My reaction even surprised me. See I actually had been happily a journey girl. I had not been focusing on being an in-betweener. It took all of about 2 seconds for me to snap back! How frustrating is that?! :O)
Since this morning has me back firmly in journey mode (hmmm… I’ve had to create words for this little post haven’t I? Hopefully you’re still with me), I wanted to share a couple of observations.
When you focus on the thing you want more than on the Giver you are always going to be miserable.
Think right now about what you want then give… it… up! See above re: misery.
No matter where you are in life you can help support another in-betweener. As different as we are we need to realize that we are more alike than different. Satan wants to categorize us. Christ wants to break those boundaries so we can learn and journey together.
Now get on out there and start talking! So glad we are on this journey together.
-G
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
In Which She Dwells, but in a good way
So this is an odd blog and a long blog - that’s your warning up front.
It’s been a difficult few weeks for me. I’ve been a long-time on again/off again migraine sufferer. The last month has seen them coming up at least once a week, with the last one hanging in for (current count as of 6/2/09) 8 days! 8 days of dizziness, head pounding, eyes twitching and general grumpy madness. Honestly I don’t say anything to complain… just to explain! If you see me, and I don’t see you, that’s probably why. If you call me on the phone and I seem “not there” there’s a good bet I’m not.
But I digress.
Spiritually this last month has been challenging. It’s hard to read with a pounding head… hard to sing (my favorite “me and God” time)… and hard to focus. To say the last month has been dry for me just doesn’t seem to cut it. I hadn’t even really realized it until I opened my journal this morning and my last entry was 5/13. Almost a month break is practically unheard of for me in journal terms. So why did I wake up this morning and grab the journal? It was a dream.
Before you start rolling your eyes (all three of you who read) let me state for the record that I am not a person who believes every dream means something. Sure some of them do. Sure sometimes your subconscious needs to work things out and chooses your dreaming to do the work. Sometimes I firmly believe that if you aren’t still enough when you are awake, or He just chooses to, God will come in and speak.
That would be what happened to me early this morning. Most of the dream, even the setting, I’ll leave between me and God because I know that is what needs to happen. But part of what I learned I just felt like sharing. I think it is because I know, from your comments, prayer requests, and messages; that many of you are struggling right now.
It was a disturbing dream in many ways. In the midst of it though, God gave me a song and buddy I belted it out right then and there. I don’t remember it, maybe I will later. I don’t even remember more than two words of it. But the two words were worth the distress of the dream.
Wonderful counselor
When I woke up there were a few things clear to me. I hadn’t slept much (getting used to that) but I had to stay up and process. So I grabbed my Bible and journal from beside me and got to work. I think I’m a pretty good listener. I’m a problem solver at heart and a counselor. So I love helping other people work through things. I enjoy God giving me the right word, at the right time to help lift other people. It is a joy to me to do that. However too often I don’t go for that same help. I wall myself off. Where does the “healer” go when they need to be healed? Wonderful Counselor!
The first place I opened my Bible to was Psalm 91. Pastor Floyd did a Sunday night series a while back on that passage and I still had the notes to re-read. FYI - the dwelling in the secret place, and pastor had both been in my dream!?!
Where are you dwelling? Lately I’ve been dwelling in my problem. I’m in pain and that doesn’t seem to be letting up. Who knows, it may not let up for a while. But where do I need to dwell? I need to dwell in the secret place. This morning when I woke up to read, I just kept reading. It was so fresh to me, maybe because things have been so “dry.” But everything jumped off the page and pointed back to the dream. Wild!
Circumstances may not change. But I will dwell and I am determined to let that change me! God gave me a song and remember it or not my heart will be singing it. It’s back to basics for me. It’s all about digging in and not letting go until God breaks my hip and gives me the blessing (see Jacob in the OT if that is gibberish for you). I’ll try to let you in on the journey. If I don’t, feel free to ask.
On and up friends!
-Gina
It’s been a difficult few weeks for me. I’ve been a long-time on again/off again migraine sufferer. The last month has seen them coming up at least once a week, with the last one hanging in for (current count as of 6/2/09) 8 days! 8 days of dizziness, head pounding, eyes twitching and general grumpy madness. Honestly I don’t say anything to complain… just to explain! If you see me, and I don’t see you, that’s probably why. If you call me on the phone and I seem “not there” there’s a good bet I’m not.
But I digress.
Spiritually this last month has been challenging. It’s hard to read with a pounding head… hard to sing (my favorite “me and God” time)… and hard to focus. To say the last month has been dry for me just doesn’t seem to cut it. I hadn’t even really realized it until I opened my journal this morning and my last entry was 5/13. Almost a month break is practically unheard of for me in journal terms. So why did I wake up this morning and grab the journal? It was a dream.
Before you start rolling your eyes (all three of you who read) let me state for the record that I am not a person who believes every dream means something. Sure some of them do. Sure sometimes your subconscious needs to work things out and chooses your dreaming to do the work. Sometimes I firmly believe that if you aren’t still enough when you are awake, or He just chooses to, God will come in and speak.
That would be what happened to me early this morning. Most of the dream, even the setting, I’ll leave between me and God because I know that is what needs to happen. But part of what I learned I just felt like sharing. I think it is because I know, from your comments, prayer requests, and messages; that many of you are struggling right now.
It was a disturbing dream in many ways. In the midst of it though, God gave me a song and buddy I belted it out right then and there. I don’t remember it, maybe I will later. I don’t even remember more than two words of it. But the two words were worth the distress of the dream.
Wonderful counselor
When I woke up there were a few things clear to me. I hadn’t slept much (getting used to that) but I had to stay up and process. So I grabbed my Bible and journal from beside me and got to work. I think I’m a pretty good listener. I’m a problem solver at heart and a counselor. So I love helping other people work through things. I enjoy God giving me the right word, at the right time to help lift other people. It is a joy to me to do that. However too often I don’t go for that same help. I wall myself off. Where does the “healer” go when they need to be healed? Wonderful Counselor!
The first place I opened my Bible to was Psalm 91. Pastor Floyd did a Sunday night series a while back on that passage and I still had the notes to re-read. FYI - the dwelling in the secret place, and pastor had both been in my dream!?!
Where are you dwelling? Lately I’ve been dwelling in my problem. I’m in pain and that doesn’t seem to be letting up. Who knows, it may not let up for a while. But where do I need to dwell? I need to dwell in the secret place. This morning when I woke up to read, I just kept reading. It was so fresh to me, maybe because things have been so “dry.” But everything jumped off the page and pointed back to the dream. Wild!
Circumstances may not change. But I will dwell and I am determined to let that change me! God gave me a song and remember it or not my heart will be singing it. It’s back to basics for me. It’s all about digging in and not letting go until God breaks my hip and gives me the blessing (see Jacob in the OT if that is gibberish for you). I’ll try to let you in on the journey. If I don’t, feel free to ask.
On and up friends!
-Gina
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
In Which She Realizes it is Tuesday... not Monday
Summer is fast approaching, which means lots of work in the mission ministry. It is great. We get to work with new folks (interns which I usually call minions). We get to get out into the community more. Lots of things happen in ministry during the summer.
This year we have a neat opportunity with two adult interns instead of college students. I have loved every summer with our students. This is just a totally new deal. It will be interesting to see what God does.
First up is our big Kidapalooza Festival.
Wait - getting off my topic at hand. Yesterday, aka, Monday passed harmlessly for a Monday. I suppose that should have been my first clue today would be "special."
Today was not a bad day. It was just a weird day complete with a dreaded doctor's appointment that offered me so-so news, kinda cruddy news, and sarcasm. Good times! :OP
Anyhoo - thought I would take this day to update and say howdy. All things good come to those who wait. Those who wait patiently may not get things faster, but they do seem happier in the mean time.
That's my advice for the day.
Oh - that and the fact that it is Tuesday, not Monday. Let that be a lesson for you. Unless it's tomorrow - then it is Wednesday... don't get confused!
This year we have a neat opportunity with two adult interns instead of college students. I have loved every summer with our students. This is just a totally new deal. It will be interesting to see what God does.
First up is our big Kidapalooza Festival.
Wait - getting off my topic at hand. Yesterday, aka, Monday passed harmlessly for a Monday. I suppose that should have been my first clue today would be "special."
Today was not a bad day. It was just a weird day complete with a dreaded doctor's appointment that offered me so-so news, kinda cruddy news, and sarcasm. Good times! :OP
Anyhoo - thought I would take this day to update and say howdy. All things good come to those who wait. Those who wait patiently may not get things faster, but they do seem happier in the mean time.
That's my advice for the day.
Oh - that and the fact that it is Tuesday, not Monday. Let that be a lesson for you. Unless it's tomorrow - then it is Wednesday... don't get confused!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Compassion
I've been inspired lately by the Compassion Blogger trip to India.
I have been a compassion sponsor for years. Long enough now that I cannot actually remember when I started.
I do, remember the moment when I first saw Grace. :)
For years I have been saying something to the effect of "God's going to call me to Tanzania." It started when I was 16 and first felt God's call to mission work. I just knew Tanzania was special, way before I had any clue where it was.
So a few years back I was sitting in a Compassion concert locally. Somewhere in the concert they passed out the folios that have compassion kids that needed a sponsor. I raised my hand and was given a "random" child.
Grace - from Tanzania. If I'd had any doubts about sponsoring, it left me that second.
I love Compassion because I get to watch Grace grow. I get letters with drawings, pictures and updates. I have seen her family.
If you have ever thought about this, or maybe haven't thought about it, I encourage you to go for it.
$32 a month makes a huge difference for these children AND their families.
I promise you will not be the same.
Grace and her grandma
I have been a compassion sponsor for years. Long enough now that I cannot actually remember when I started.
I do, remember the moment when I first saw Grace. :)
For years I have been saying something to the effect of "God's going to call me to Tanzania." It started when I was 16 and first felt God's call to mission work. I just knew Tanzania was special, way before I had any clue where it was.
So a few years back I was sitting in a Compassion concert locally. Somewhere in the concert they passed out the folios that have compassion kids that needed a sponsor. I raised my hand and was given a "random" child.
Grace - from Tanzania. If I'd had any doubts about sponsoring, it left me that second.
I love Compassion because I get to watch Grace grow. I get letters with drawings, pictures and updates. I have seen her family.
If you have ever thought about this, or maybe haven't thought about it, I encourage you to go for it.
$32 a month makes a huge difference for these children AND their families.
I promise you will not be the same.
Grace and her grandma
Thursday, May 14, 2009
In Which the Clock Stands Still
Yeah... so life right? Crazy...
I think today it's best to just make a list. I'm all about lists. Like many of my borderline OCD friends I love, love, love checking things OFF of lists. I also love things in three's, but that is off topic.
I call myself a frustrated perfectionist. I know that I can't get things where I want them so I give up. :) The end result is a mess.
Lately that seems to be life - messy.
It's ironic to me, because things are pretty good. I finally graduated with my BS in Psychology. I'm about 2/3 of the way through my Master of Divinity. My apartment (other than puddles the wonderdog and the person who always parks inches from my driver's side door) is a cozy little place of happiness.
I'm almost at 9 months of dating a great guy who is Godly, wise, witty, and cute (:OP). <---- should have gone for all "w's" huh?
Things are good. Things are actually really good.
So why in the world would I say things are messy? Cause they are!
I told you that I am a frustrated perfectionist. Life is tough for those of us who need things perfect. I like order. I like knowing that things are happening on schedule, my schedule that is!
Life is just not on my schedule these days.
Over the last year I decided to talk God into my timetable on a few things. I have my list you know, and things are not being checked off of it promptly.
The more list checking (or non-checking off) I did, the more frustrated I became.
Frustration leads to some ugly cycles. The more out of control we feel, the more we try to control. Surely there is something I can take on. God doesn't want it all right? Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Sheesh!
I'd like to proclaim today my official "hands off" day. I want to say that I am throwing my little lists away and letting go... letting God. I just know me a little bit better than that. :O)
What I will say is that I am going to dig in a little harder. Not my heels digging in while I try to get what I want. As much as I know that I cannot control, I also know that I can't even stop trying to control without His help.
So it's me and Him, together, taking on my mess.
Ahh life... crazy right?
-G
I think today it's best to just make a list. I'm all about lists. Like many of my borderline OCD friends I love, love, love checking things OFF of lists. I also love things in three's, but that is off topic.
I call myself a frustrated perfectionist. I know that I can't get things where I want them so I give up. :) The end result is a mess.
Lately that seems to be life - messy.
It's ironic to me, because things are pretty good. I finally graduated with my BS in Psychology. I'm about 2/3 of the way through my Master of Divinity. My apartment (other than puddles the wonderdog and the person who always parks inches from my driver's side door) is a cozy little place of happiness.
I'm almost at 9 months of dating a great guy who is Godly, wise, witty, and cute (:OP). <---- should have gone for all "w's" huh?
Things are good. Things are actually really good.
So why in the world would I say things are messy? Cause they are!
I told you that I am a frustrated perfectionist. Life is tough for those of us who need things perfect. I like order. I like knowing that things are happening on schedule, my schedule that is!
Life is just not on my schedule these days.
Over the last year I decided to talk God into my timetable on a few things. I have my list you know, and things are not being checked off of it promptly.
The more list checking (or non-checking off) I did, the more frustrated I became.
Frustration leads to some ugly cycles. The more out of control we feel, the more we try to control. Surely there is something I can take on. God doesn't want it all right? Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Sheesh!
I'd like to proclaim today my official "hands off" day. I want to say that I am throwing my little lists away and letting go... letting God. I just know me a little bit better than that. :O)
What I will say is that I am going to dig in a little harder. Not my heels digging in while I try to get what I want. As much as I know that I cannot control, I also know that I can't even stop trying to control without His help.
So it's me and Him, together, taking on my mess.
Ahh life... crazy right?
-G
Monday, May 11, 2009
In Which She Waxed Poetic on Mother's Day
It's funny how you can be genuinely happy in one sense and sad at the same time about the exact same thing.
Mother's Day is one of those days. Once you start hitting certain numbers birthday wise you get a bit sentimental about milestones. I guess it is partly because we tend to gauge our lives by the people around us.
One couple gets married right out of high school or college; starts having kiddos; buys a house and settles in for life.
One couple gets married quickly after school and tries for ten years to have children. When God provides, it isn't the way they expected. But their little bundle of joy adds something priceless to their lives and his/hers.
A young person hears the call to go into mission for God in a far-off land. He knows this most likely means he will not marry, but goes in obedience.
A older person never hears the call to remain single, but never hears the call to marry. So she waits.
And there are so many stages in between.
As I faced yesterday I could not help measuring life in those around. We're all in stages aren't we?
Some are waiting for their life to begin - graduations are all over the place this month.
Some are waiting on new life to begin - pregnancies and new little ones abound these days.
There are engagements and possible engagements. There are those who are waiting on God with hope and those who wait with no hope. There are regrets over lost moments and moments taken in haste. There is divorce, death, uncertainty, loss... so many stages.
Yep. There are a lot of stages.
When yesterday came it caught me entirely by surprise. I think I am a good "waiter."
32 years old and single you get used to asking, expecting and waiting for God. I know its not a single-only deal. But it seems like that particular pool of people is much larger these days. So it stands to reason that the numbers are not in the favor of the "every pot has a lid" camp.
Not everyone who desires marriage will get it. Not everyone who desires to have children will. Not everyone who prays desperately for their marriage to hold together or their child to live will see the answer as they hoped.
Whew - depressing huh?
Well since we know my word for 2009 is JOY you know I'm not leaving us there right?
Back to yesterday... I couldn't face it. Cause I'm all about gut-wrenching transparency these days I will be the first to stand up and admit that baby dedication was not where I could be yesterday. I did try. I really did.
Honestly I can say that I am THRILLED beyond belief for the answers I see around me. One friend tried for so long to have a baby with miscarriage after miscarriage, but God provided this past year with an adorable little answered prayer. One friend waited for the hubby and the baby and this was her year to.
I see it. It gives me hope. That is true. We're called to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Each of those times have their easy times and hard times.
I try to never be about feeling sorry for myself. It just does no good. It's time wasted but it's tough to avoid sometimes. Sometimes you are willing to hand things over to God.
Sometimes you grip those dreams hard - death grip hard.
Have you ever held something in your hand, with all your might for a long time?
It doesn't take long when you grip something like that for your hand to start to weaken. So you grip harder and it becomes even harder and harder to hold on to.
If you made it to the end of this post, perhaps it is because you are a gripper. You are desperately holding on to something that you want. While in reality the harder you grip the less of a hold you have.
My suggestion isn't to give up your dream. God is all about dreams. He is all about hope.
Mostly - He is all about you holding on to Him. So is your dream taking His place? Does it have a life of its own? Where are your thoughts? Are they on Him or on the thing/person/place/status that you just have to have?
Just a priority check because when God hits me with a 2 x 4 I like to at least try to spare someone the headache.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
-Gina
Mother's Day is one of those days. Once you start hitting certain numbers birthday wise you get a bit sentimental about milestones. I guess it is partly because we tend to gauge our lives by the people around us.
One couple gets married right out of high school or college; starts having kiddos; buys a house and settles in for life.
One couple gets married quickly after school and tries for ten years to have children. When God provides, it isn't the way they expected. But their little bundle of joy adds something priceless to their lives and his/hers.
A young person hears the call to go into mission for God in a far-off land. He knows this most likely means he will not marry, but goes in obedience.
A older person never hears the call to remain single, but never hears the call to marry. So she waits.
And there are so many stages in between.
As I faced yesterday I could not help measuring life in those around. We're all in stages aren't we?
Some are waiting for their life to begin - graduations are all over the place this month.
Some are waiting on new life to begin - pregnancies and new little ones abound these days.
There are engagements and possible engagements. There are those who are waiting on God with hope and those who wait with no hope. There are regrets over lost moments and moments taken in haste. There is divorce, death, uncertainty, loss... so many stages.
Yep. There are a lot of stages.
When yesterday came it caught me entirely by surprise. I think I am a good "waiter."
32 years old and single you get used to asking, expecting and waiting for God. I know its not a single-only deal. But it seems like that particular pool of people is much larger these days. So it stands to reason that the numbers are not in the favor of the "every pot has a lid" camp.
Not everyone who desires marriage will get it. Not everyone who desires to have children will. Not everyone who prays desperately for their marriage to hold together or their child to live will see the answer as they hoped.
Whew - depressing huh?
Well since we know my word for 2009 is JOY you know I'm not leaving us there right?
Back to yesterday... I couldn't face it. Cause I'm all about gut-wrenching transparency these days I will be the first to stand up and admit that baby dedication was not where I could be yesterday. I did try. I really did.
Honestly I can say that I am THRILLED beyond belief for the answers I see around me. One friend tried for so long to have a baby with miscarriage after miscarriage, but God provided this past year with an adorable little answered prayer. One friend waited for the hubby and the baby and this was her year to.
I see it. It gives me hope. That is true. We're called to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Each of those times have their easy times and hard times.
I try to never be about feeling sorry for myself. It just does no good. It's time wasted but it's tough to avoid sometimes. Sometimes you are willing to hand things over to God.
Sometimes you grip those dreams hard - death grip hard.
Have you ever held something in your hand, with all your might for a long time?
It doesn't take long when you grip something like that for your hand to start to weaken. So you grip harder and it becomes even harder and harder to hold on to.
If you made it to the end of this post, perhaps it is because you are a gripper. You are desperately holding on to something that you want. While in reality the harder you grip the less of a hold you have.
My suggestion isn't to give up your dream. God is all about dreams. He is all about hope.
Mostly - He is all about you holding on to Him. So is your dream taking His place? Does it have a life of its own? Where are your thoughts? Are they on Him or on the thing/person/place/status that you just have to have?
Just a priority check because when God hits me with a 2 x 4 I like to at least try to spare someone the headache.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
-Gina
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Talking on Elevators
I don't know when I started this little habit I am about to confess. If I could trace it back it might make sense.
I talk to myself on elevators. Since I cannot walk stairs much (ouchie knee) and work on the second floor, I talk to myself in our particular elevator several times a day/week. I have come to the recent revelation that you can clearly hear conversations in our elevator while waiting for it to come down/up. Which leaves me wondering which of my self amusing, chuckling, strange-singing moments have been the amusement of others. Would you tell me if you heard me conversing on the way up /down? Just this week I have had:
1. A hysterical bag incident that left me howling in laughter down into someone else's office (that one I HAD to explain).
2. Two incidences of me singing "In a Little While" - remember that Amy Grant song?
3. Pizza/leftover counting on my way down the elevator... Tuesday is Weight Watcher's night at FBCS... chubby people really hate walking past weight watcher's meetings. It's like "yeah - I could be one of you, but I choose not to - I have food in my hands because I didn't eat all of my grande quesadilla from lunch... so THERE" FYI - told you I was strange.
And yep - it's just Tuesday. :O)
Being just a bit off mentally I also had the thought of messing with people using this knowledge, but I think I already have a reputation for odd so I am going to skip it.
Why do I share this with you?
No idea - just amused me tonight.
:O)
I talk to myself on elevators. Since I cannot walk stairs much (ouchie knee) and work on the second floor, I talk to myself in our particular elevator several times a day/week. I have come to the recent revelation that you can clearly hear conversations in our elevator while waiting for it to come down/up. Which leaves me wondering which of my self amusing, chuckling, strange-singing moments have been the amusement of others. Would you tell me if you heard me conversing on the way up /down? Just this week I have had:
1. A hysterical bag incident that left me howling in laughter down into someone else's office (that one I HAD to explain).
2. Two incidences of me singing "In a Little While" - remember that Amy Grant song?
3. Pizza/leftover counting on my way down the elevator... Tuesday is Weight Watcher's night at FBCS... chubby people really hate walking past weight watcher's meetings. It's like "yeah - I could be one of you, but I choose not to - I have food in my hands because I didn't eat all of my grande quesadilla from lunch... so THERE" FYI - told you I was strange.
And yep - it's just Tuesday. :O)
Being just a bit off mentally I also had the thought of messing with people using this knowledge, but I think I already have a reputation for odd so I am going to skip it.
Why do I share this with you?
No idea - just amused me tonight.
:O)
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Year or So Ago
A year ago or so I stood and looked at a rock structure. It clearly looked like a skull. It seemed such a far away place until that day - Golgotha, the place of the skull. Our guide explained that crucifixion didn't really take place on a hill. That wasn't the style of the Romans. The people they killed were to be an example so they hung on a roadway. Everyone who passed the skull hill, and the three men hanging in front of it, would have been close to eye level with the condemned. So all those passing by Jesus in the hours He hung dying most likely spit on Him while looking Him right in the eyes. For hours the Son of God hung, dying, bleeding, suffering, and sacrificing.
A year ago or so I walked through a garden.I wasn't really sure how far... but it wasn't far. There was a hole - just barely big enough to get one person through at a time. There was a garden. Then there was a tomb. (Jn 19:41)
A year ago or so I walked into a tomb, an unfinished tomb in a garden. It was just around the corner from the rock hill that looks just like a skull. In that tomb in a garden was the most beautiful nothing I have ever seen. What I looked on that day a year ago or so was the tomb where Jesus laid. I say laid because clearly there was no one there. That tomb really is empty.
A year ago or so I sat in a garden overwhelmed. It wasn't until days later that it hit me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw one thing - white stone - tomb - nothing. Burned onto my memory is that nothing. He is not there. He is not there. It was like I just couldn't stop thinking it. He is not there. He is not there.
A year later I sat and read the accounts of those who were in the garden on the first day of that beautiful sight of nothing. He was not there.
Again in my mind today is that tomb. So I wanted to share it with you.
He is not here - He IS RISEN!
A year ago or so I walked through a garden.I wasn't really sure how far... but it wasn't far. There was a hole - just barely big enough to get one person through at a time. There was a garden. Then there was a tomb. (Jn 19:41)
A year ago or so I walked into a tomb, an unfinished tomb in a garden. It was just around the corner from the rock hill that looks just like a skull. In that tomb in a garden was the most beautiful nothing I have ever seen. What I looked on that day a year ago or so was the tomb where Jesus laid. I say laid because clearly there was no one there. That tomb really is empty.
A year ago or so I sat in a garden overwhelmed. It wasn't until days later that it hit me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw one thing - white stone - tomb - nothing. Burned onto my memory is that nothing. He is not there. He is not there. It was like I just couldn't stop thinking it. He is not there. He is not there.
A year later I sat and read the accounts of those who were in the garden on the first day of that beautiful sight of nothing. He was not there.
Again in my mind today is that tomb. So I wanted to share it with you.
He is not here - He IS RISEN!
Sunday, April 05, 2009
A Word on Calling
I’ve wondered often and loudly about where God has me heading. I knew that finishing the undergrad was a priority, but I always felt that it was so I could be a Journeyman and head overseas. Then graduation came and it was clear that the timing was off to go overseas. By this time I was working at the church in a great job surrounded by great people. After a lot of prayer I applied to get my Master of Divinity at Liberty Seminary. The questions began immediately. What are you planning on doing when you got out of school?
I have probably another good year of school left and I still don’t have a concrete answer to that question. I’ve learned a lot from both the BS in Psychology and the MDiv courses. But do they qualify me to do anything useful in society? That I cannot answer. Tonight I have some interesting questions rolling around in my head that have no answers. A wise person once told me that sometimes your passion is what God has called you to do. We always look for something hard, like God would only call us to something that we hate. Could it be that He does call us to something that is beyond ourselves, but is something that we also love? I think so.
Prayerfully I begin the process this week of sending out some things to get published. I love writing and in the course of just a week I have had three people tell me how encouraged they are by my writing. I’ve written for a long time. I even used to write a daily e-mail devotional. I always received encouragement. Still so little of what I have written over the years is online. I guess I can’t help but feel the need to get more of it out here and maybe in print somewhere. Could it be that this passion is my calling? I don’t know. But I am going for it.
To those of you who have encouraged me lately I want to let you know that God has used you to be a part of this decision. I may fall absolutely flat! It really scares me. But I am going for it!
I have probably another good year of school left and I still don’t have a concrete answer to that question. I’ve learned a lot from both the BS in Psychology and the MDiv courses. But do they qualify me to do anything useful in society? That I cannot answer. Tonight I have some interesting questions rolling around in my head that have no answers. A wise person once told me that sometimes your passion is what God has called you to do. We always look for something hard, like God would only call us to something that we hate. Could it be that He does call us to something that is beyond ourselves, but is something that we also love? I think so.
Prayerfully I begin the process this week of sending out some things to get published. I love writing and in the course of just a week I have had three people tell me how encouraged they are by my writing. I’ve written for a long time. I even used to write a daily e-mail devotional. I always received encouragement. Still so little of what I have written over the years is online. I guess I can’t help but feel the need to get more of it out here and maybe in print somewhere. Could it be that this passion is my calling? I don’t know. But I am going for it.
To those of you who have encouraged me lately I want to let you know that God has used you to be a part of this decision. I may fall absolutely flat! It really scares me. But I am going for it!
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